Sell consulting services. Doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, what matters is that you're paid.
Sell consulting services. Doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, what matters is that you're paid.
And if you are wondering why the German military is being made fun of so much: it's McKinsey again. But no worries, we took care if it. The minister of defense in charge back then is long gone. Cause she is the president of the European Commission now. Multiple of her children have worked for McKinsey in the past. What a coincidence!
All consulting is like this. It’s a way to offload blame for your decisions by not making any in-house.
Sounds like they still get paid then!
From my (fortunately) brief experience in software consulting, I can confirm that is an important unwritten rule of the job. It doesn't matter what exactly you sell to customers, as long as they are willing to buy it and come back. It explains why a lot of software is dogshit.
TLC used to be The Learning Channel. Before it was “here’s a bunch of children who are being sexually abused behind the camera,” it was educational outreach. Vocational training. Satellite college courses for people in Alaska and Appalachia.
Then Discovery bought it. Fuck Discovery.
Yep. I thought for ages that it was a spinoff of discovery but no, it was a whole thing that went back to the 80s. After Discovery acquired it blam.
One of my favorite channels. I liked learning new stuff. Factual stuff. Not conspiracy theories disguised as history.
In, fire 30 percent of the workforce, new logo, boom, out.
You are now a fully trained management consultant.
Lean leader certified
Legends.
Consulting services are vital because they improving corporate synergy by utilizing market solutions and relocating potential where it is needed most.
I know it's a joke, but executive and analyst are oxymorons in the corporate world.
Don’t forget that they also leverage institutional assets to extract value using best practices!
Well, consulting is often used because they need an answer to a question. That may be open-ended like:
"What moves should we make to expand our business?"
But other times they just want confirmation:
"Should we merge with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
"Should we split with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey's always available for that.
When Chipotle got a new CEO (Brian Niccol, who has since become the Starbucks CEO) a few years back, they were headquartered in Denver. But the CEO lived in Newport Beach. So they brought in a consulting management firm to examine where the best place in the country was for them to have their corporate headquarters.
After weeks of analysis - surprise, surprise - they determined that the best place they could possibly have a corporate headquarters was in Newport Beach, where the CEO lived.
So they fired most of their corporate workers and moved the office to be closer to the CEOs house.
I have experienced this where I work. There is a consulting company that gets rolled out to make packets full of "data", graphs, summaries, and surveys that always manages to support the unpopular thing the boss wants.
McKinsey:
For when you have no fucking clue how to do your job, and want authoritative, plausible deniability about that.
Obviously you should keep paying my $1.3 million annual salary. We just paid McKinsey $30 million to say how vital my department is
Sounds like a job that would be easy to replace with ChatGPT.
Guess what the guys an McKinsey are doing...
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey’s always available for that.
What would you say... you do here?
Get paid to do the work of someone who could be employed for a reasonable salary, but the board or CEO wants the answer to come from someone outside the company to avoid taking any blame.
Look, I already told you: I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that!? What the hell is wrong with you people!!
How should we defend Athens?
Consultancy says "A wooden wall will save Athens"
We've been doing this forever...
Isn't the google ceo a McKinsey stooge?
So is Buttigieg, but sharing that information seems to be unpopular.
Yes, he is. It explains a lot.
I don't care if you're wrong, I will propagate it anyway.
I mean no need to spread misinformation. This information in easily verifiable.
Sundar Pichai, Google's CEO, worked at McKinsey for ~2 years and then joined Google in 2004, eventually working his way into the position of CEO.
Pichai's fuck ups are unlikely a result of McKinsey, at least not directly. That isn't to say that McKinsey is completely off the hook. They work with plenty of "top" companies and I'm certain Google is one of them.
They've developed a perpetual consulting loop. Genius.
I don't know who this person is but something tells me he is the son of a wealthy family who has connections to all of those brands.
How far off am i?
That job does not sound like a real job, it sounds like a job title that is a thinly veiled excuse to arrange perpetual exclusive socialism for the rich.
Thank you for reading my analysis, the bill, regardless wether i am correct is about 69.420mil
Mckinsey is a company with over 45,000 employees.
McKinsey is a company not a person
Companies are made of persons
Checkmte
I thought CEOs commanded wildly exorbitant salaries because they were super smart and made all the decisions. Why would a consulting firm exist?
Consultants are paid to provide outside consensus. They strengthen the CEO's perceived smartness. They give it validity. McKinsey, because of its brand, provides the most value to a CEO in the boardroom.
On the other hand, they're grifting Zaslav, who is possibly the worst person in show business, so...maybe let them cook.
I wish I could be paid that much to be wrong all the time.
Why are consulting companies so successful? Is it all connections? Their role in appeasing investors by external intervention and change (no matter how useful)?
It is all connections and a box checking for the board and/or CEO.
The CEO can deflect bad outcomes on the consulting company for suggesting doing what the CEO had in mind to do, but didn't have the board's approval.
Corporate consulting is such a giant fucking grift and they are responsible for the enshitification of so much.
Why are there no employees to help you on the sales floor or at the register? The CEO wanted to hit a performance metric to maximize their bonus and brought in a consulting company to advise. The consulting company looked for low-hanging fruit, which is cutting costs in the form of payroll. The CEO dips when there is no meat left on the bone. The next CEO hires a consulting company to maximize the bonus and then you get fake sales to mask a following price increase. CEO dips and the next CEO's consultants gives the consumer a rewards program to harvest data to sell and drive sales through psychological manipulation(See Kohl's cash).
Corporate consultants are horrible people with business degrees looking to harvest marrow from a stripped corpse.
Consulting companies are just esoteric quacks but for businesses.
So, this bastard and Zaslav are the reason I can't watch older seasons of Expeditions Unknown on HBOMax. Fuck 'em both.
Business consultations always look like such huge grifts. Here is the reason why they are so expensive though: many times startups and companies that take consultation fail and declare bankruptcy and don't pay the consultancy fees they were supposed to pay. So they charge others extra to (over) compensate. I wonder how they justify their existence, probably by coming up with some made up statistics about how they make many companies more successful. I am pretty sure they are also behind AI enshittification by suggesting companies to jump on the band wagon.
They’re expensive because they’re cover for the executives to make a move. The executives can shield liability and justify any change by saying they did it in consultation with a big firm. It’s virtually impossible to pierce that with a lawsuit.
Results are good:
- Business CEO takes credit, shareholders are happy with CEO
- Consultancy got paid, shareholders are happy
Results are bad:
- Business CEO blames consultancy, shareholders don't blame CEO
- Consultancy got paid, shareholders are happy
absolutewin.jpg
Worked at a company that would give money to McKinsey frequently for decisions. When the decisions went well, they would pay themselves on the back for their insight and leadership. When they went wrong, well they just got bad into from the consultancy.. not their fault
It's not the conclusions that are important. It's how snazzy the PowerPoint presentation is. If you pay them more, there will even be bar charts.
A critical part of being a consultant is personally knowing rich people who will pay you millions of dollars for your advice, regardless of what it is. "Giving good advice" is barely relevant.
I think it was Last Week Tonight that covered Mckinsey's consultation history and, shocker, they almost always recommend increases to executive compensation.
Insane how quickly the HBO brand went from penthouse to basement.
Their new company split is not splitting Warner Brothers from Discovery though. They are splitting the company in a different way.
For your added nuance and insight, submit an invoice for a couple hundred K. Seems about right for a full minute of work.
To be fair, every single one of those changes was probably done by an intern and approved by a boss that didn't read it, but thought because the intern was young they had the "pulse of what's cool" in their hands. Also, we don't know know if what was done was the actual advice given. That would be a great game though, "guess who came up with that idea."