Would you become romantically involved with someone with vastly different religious views?

Anti-religious atheist here.

You know what...years ago I would have said "no". Imo, often fundamentalist religious people have views that actively harm society through systemic actions. So it's not something I am able to generally sit well with.

However, years back I met someone irl (not online) with absolutely polar opposite political and religious views as me. I am an atheist who actually opposes the concept of religion in general and I am very liberal. This person I know is very Catholic and conservative. They are a hardcore Trumper and I have always seen him as a dangerous threat to the US.

Yet...

Over the years, this person has legitimately become my absolute best friend. They are the kindest, funniest, most wonderful person I know. I absolutely love spending time with them. We just don't debate our polar opposite viewpoints. We still share and talk about deep, personal things...but we don't instigate political debates or anything like that. I take their views as someone who has been brainwashed by society, and I'm sure they feel the same about me. But it means that I don't see them as evil for their views and am able to easily look past that.

I don't know what the fuck I would do in life if I ever lost them. Sometimes they are the reason why I look forward to the rest of my day.

We are not romantically involved or anything. They have a partner and a family, and I wouldn't be interested with doing that with this person anyway.

But the point is, it taught me that I can have a very deep, personal connection with someone with polar opposite views. Ideally, I would like for a partner to share my views. But life has shown me that it is possible to be opposite like that and still really deeply care for and enjoy someone.

there was a show about muslims dating non-muslims in michigan, the guy had to commit to islam to even date the woman. it might be problematic if you arnt one and the other requires religious conversion.

if its associated with right wing political views, no thank you.

No. I couldn't be with anyone who actually takes religion seriously. It just wouldn't work.

Edit: personally I consider myself an Antitheist.

I'm atheist, and my partner was Muslim when I first knew her.

People say it doesn't mater - but honestly it really fucking does.

Imagine being in relationship with someone who never really left North Korea, deep down. There's so much fear, so much fear-driven obedience, and so much fear-driven defense of the indefensible.

I never really understood the concept of freedom of conscience until I was arguing with one of her friends about Amina Lawal, the Nigerian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery - with her sentence delayed until her baby was weaned. Despite being really very progressive at heart, my partner ended up arguing in favour of it - and then later on was seriously pissed off at me for making her defend that.

She ended up deconverting several years later (certainly not at my behest), and things got immeasurably better from then on.

But that's not a possibility I'd recommend banking on. My honest advice is just don't go there, it's far more stressful than you think it is.

I am atheist and my wife is Buddhist. While not exactly true, I view Buddhism more as a philosophy and it is more palatable in that regard. My tolerance for people practicing religion is also fairly high as long as they don't try and "convert me".

As a result, I have been to plenty of ceremonies for things over the years and it doesn't bother me. Of course, I don't believe in any of that "magic" but there is usually loads of good food that comes attached, depending. (Also, there is a high probability of after-hours gambling and drinking which was cool when I did that stuff, at least with the Asian crowd I roll with.)

+20 years married into a Buddhist family, if you were wondering about that.

I wouldn't get involved with someone deeply religious. I'd consider someone religious if they were sufficiently wishy-washy about it, though, e.g. people who are christian and believe in it at least enough to not call themselves atheists or agnostics but don't really DO anything christian.

Atheist. In general I don't have a problem with religion, as long as it doesn't get uncomfortable. By that I mean stuff like forcing or forbidding me to do stuff. Not believing in basic science is a hard no as well.

But I feel like that's a problem that only part of the world has. Christianity in the U.S is a fucking cult. I don't think I could date anyone from that hardcore believe system. I'm from germany andI am yet to meet a christian that believe in the bullshit parts. Like believing in what the bible says alone is fucking weird to me and pretty much novody exeptfor hardcores does that here.

So I'd say for methe line is at "cult" level

Atheist, married to a Buddhist. He prays daily and has his rituals.

Made it clear from the start that I'm ok with religion as long as they don't try to convert me or harm others.

Aside some dietary requirements, it works quite well. Married for 9 years now.

This works quite well for us, but results and experience may differ based on religion, patience and personal beliefs. I imagine I might have a hard time dating a religious zealot though.

I won't get romantically involved with anyone who deeply believes and allows religion, especially organized religion, to drive their lives.

I was raised Catholic. I have seen too many people use their religion to shirk responsibility for their evils.

Washington State mandatory reporter law changes are a great example. In the US it varies by state but in general, people in trusted positions like teachers, police officers, medical professionals, and counselors are required to report child abuse. Priests have had a special exception, even if they were acting as teachers or counselors. Last month, Washington removed the special exception for priests. The Catholic Church is now sueing to keep the right for priests to keep child abuse secret. Ponder that, these people who would put their magical ceremonies over the health, safety, even lives of children. What is the point of that religion? Because it sure isn't about helping people live good lives.

And Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these ... unless they're being abused and you wait until you're in the special room with me, chant some special words, and then tell me. Then fuck'em. No, literally, we'll keep the pedophilia on the down low because the ceremony is more important than the kids".

I'll chime in myself here. Am an atheist, have dated hard core Christian women, Wiccans, and atheists. I've found that religion didn't actively impact the relationship until it spilled over into daily life that my partner required I take part in. I actually really enjoyed religious history conversations with my more moderate partners. It started to break down when it was "shut up no debate this is how it is" and those are the relationships that ended badly.

Atheist here. Married a Christian who was into missions, taught Sunday school, etc...

Love is love and we don't choose who we fall in love with.

I never once tried to convert her, or call out her beliefs. But over time (she was from a small religious (mennonite) town) she came to see on her own how the indoctrination was just a cover for a lot of evil shit that went down in the church, and in its name.

She is no longer Christian, and veers towards agnosticism, but when pressed would say she is now more aligned with animism, or the idea that nature is the only 'face' of a god that is not a conscious being, but is just the culmination of all the processes in nature.

I had a gf who considered herself Christian. Not someone who talked about it a lot, but I guess she has some belief. I have a fairly negative view of organized religion in general. She really wanted to start going to church and I was um, wow, sounds horrible. She looked around found a church with surprisingly cool people - not at all bible thumpers, or full of pretentious nonsense, hell and brimstone, none of that. They support LGBTQ, operated a homeless shelter, gave sermons about pro-abortion rights and astronomy. I was pleasantly surprised. Still I ended up determining that I didn't want to wake up at 7:30 each Sunday to go there. I figured out that she viewed church more as a social club and some sort of tradition from her family.

If it was someone drastically different, like talking constantly about reading the bible and telling me I had to convert and basing half their life around it, absolutely not. I not only am not interested myself but I think it would illustrate some negative aspects of their personality that I don't want to be around. I had a gf who owned a retail store and people would come in and tell her ridiculous stories about Jesus healing people when they were missionaries in Africa. Later she'd tell me and ask "Do you think that was true? Jesus really DID THAT?" and I'd have to be um... no. That lady sounds like a liar or a psycho, sorry. Not great for a relationship. It turned out it was just some feel-good thing for her. She didn't read the bible or really know anything about scripture. Just thinking "magic jesus loves me" made her feel good. I'm only really vaguely religious but still I can't respect that.

Eww, no, I'd never date anyone with religious views.

Fuck no. Organized religion is the source of most of the harms in the world. There is no man in the sky. You have no special blessing to be terrible to others.

Capitalism is responsible for most of the rest of the harms. And then a very small percent is the result of basically-bad people and mental health issues.

Hard no.

The last thing I need is the wife pestering me constantly to go to church.

I think the biggest problem is when one partner believes that the other is condemned for eternity in some way (not just a hell, but also other forms like reincarnation to a lower state or anything else deemed bad)...and either they spend the relationship trying to change the other person and probably ruining it, or worse, they accept that fate for someone they claim to love.

As an atheist, I don't have that concern that my loved one is doomed to torment somehow, I just have the here and now to try and make their life with me as pleasant as I can. There is the issue of whether or not an atheist could live with someone whose rational is governed by beliefs that affect their judgement, either like mentioned above trying to convert them for their sake, or in other ways where religion steers them vs. having their own thoughts. But for what I think is a large majority, religious people mostly go through the motions if any just to fill some subconscious uncertainty and it's not enough to threaten a relationship with a differing viewpoint.

The human brain is very good at compartmentalizing things to help us get through the day.

Sure. My parents had different religions and being an atheist I don't really have a duty to care about other people's religions.

Of course it helped that my parents weren't too seriously religious. And I've rejected religious people for having religion-tied views I find appalling. But the religion itself isn't the issue, just the things that sometimes result from it are.

There's already several comments saying "depends on the beliefs and how important they are," and obviously there's that.

I'll add that there are beliefs people don't immediately think of when talking about religion. There's religious humanism, which is a secular religion based around behaving ethically which also has a bunch of traditions similar to spiritually-based religions, minus the spirituality. Adherents (can) attend church and hear sermons on ways to be a better person, etc.

I'm not a religious humanist but they sound like they're probably decent enough people. They're quite different to my generic fediverse atheist/irreligious views, in the sense that I don't have any desire to attend congregations of people who identify as religiously ethical, but I don't harbor any strong objections to their beliefs.

Personally, I understand it more as something that might be nice for people who have left spiritual religion but still want the trappings of a place to go and be with a community of like-minded people, but that's not my experience. Ultimately, that's probably about as far as I'd be comfortable, where we have roughly equivalent spiritual views but highly divergent religious views.

Here's the fun thing about that question; it's basically 'Would you date someone you considered mentally insane?' Whether you are atheist considering dating Hindu, a Catholic considering dating a Zoroastrian, or a Buddhist dating a nihilist, this is a person who has a fundamentally different understanding of reality. Here's the real kicker; 'Is someone who has a distorted sense of reality capable of giving consent?' Can you even date them if you value consent?

Depends. Do they love and respect me? Are they trying to convert me every chance they get?

My life partner and I both considered it critical that our beliefs were strongly compatible.

We've been together for decades.

Our beliefs have changed substantially, and certainly not identically.

We're still together. There's so many more important things.

My wife was a freeform muslim when we met and we learned a lot from each other, then again she's a very flexible and tolerant being. I was and still am pretty much agnostic I guess. No strong opinion... no horse in the cosmic race

Hard to say for sure really.

I can respect someone's religious views as long as they aren't trying to push them on me. That's to say; not trying to make me believe the same or insist that I have to follow the rules of their chosen religion.

As far as my own views go; I don't follow any particular religion. I don't necessarily believe there isn't some form of god, but I don't follow/believe in any specific deity either. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't; but there have been hundreds of thousands of gods/goddesses/deities/religious figures throughout human history. Who's to say you've chosen the correct one, along with the correct set of (sometimes oddly specific) rules and regulations to go along with it?

You want commandments to follow? Here's one:

"Don't be an asshole"

Everything else kind of just falls into place around that. As long as we can respect each other and our differences; yeah, romance is certainly possible.

I could maybe see myself with a pagan, but it depends on how much woo they believe in.

Luckily, a wonderful atheist woman found me and we've been married going on 10 years now.

Nope

No

It depends. My religious affiliation is likely therianthropy. I don't follow a traditional religion, and see it more as a spiritual practice, much in the same way that a trans person may deeply explore their gender identity--I am also trans.

My requirements are simple; Code of conduct, not a code of "facts". I will not engage with creation theories and such. It is an insult to science, and often resists fundamentally good change.

I also will not engage with a "Reddit atheist". I think this requires no further explanation--I was one.

While I was in the process of disentangling myself from religion, the woman I lived with for nearly 10 years went off the deep end. Prosperity gospel. She became insufferable.

I made a much-needed escape, and met my wife a year later. She, like me, believes religion to be a social construct, intended to keep the masses docile and obedient.

Muslim here and nope. Setting aside that it's forbidden in Islam, I'd have to get them on board with so many things they might as well convert.

It depends. I’m atheist/agnostic, but I have a lot of respect for certain core religious philosophies. Buddhism, Sikhism, and the teachings of Jesus (note that I did not say “Christianity”) in particular.

If a persons particular practice has an ethical, humanist core I can accept that. If it encourages any kind of blind appeal or deference to authority, I cannot. I can tolerate some mysticism and mythology, but I cannot tolerate unethical teaching, dogma, or behavior.

I'm an aethiset, she was christian. I moved on fairly quickly, it's just looppy shit i would have started to laugh..

I assumed she'd come to her senses, she assumed I could be indoctrinated.

I wouldn't get involved with someone from any religion.

Religious people are generally dogmatic, but then there are people who think they're religious but don't actually believe most of the concepts they grew under, besides one or two traditions that essentially just become culture

No. Spirituality is a very core value. I wouldn't negotiate it.

Probably not, but that entirely depends on what Religion is for Them. If Religion is only something that they themselves belief in and practice I dont really have a problem with it. If they however use their religious views to suppress others (e.g. trying to talk someone out of having an abortion because "pro life") that's an absolute no go for myself.

99% no

As an atheist: no.

I was raised Christian and am now atheist. I would have a very difficult time being romantic with anyone who calls themself Christian. I have come to despise all levels of it. I don't believe in the existence of the super natural. I don't believe in the Christian creation myth. I don't believe in the resurrection or any miracles of Jesus. I believe most churches are cults that we give a free pass to be cults because it's more socially acceptable. I believe religion did great harm to me growing up and I believe it does great harm to many other young people. I could go on, but that's the gist. If someone was somehow Christian and agreed with me on all of those points there might be a chance but I'd still view it as strange that they didn't see the whole thing as a scam and renounce their faith.

People from other religions I may have similar problems with because even though religions are different their effects are often similar. Even a staunchly pro LGBT church/religion I would have difficulty meshing with because my problems go so much deeper than that.

An exception would be people who are "spiritual" but not "religious". While I myself am quite skeptical, I am still open to the idea that there's more. And even if there's not, sometimes it's fun and/or beneficial to pretend that there is. So long as they themselves are similarly open to the ideas that they could be wrong and that others could be right I think I could get along quite well with people like this. The truth is I still have moments I would call religious experiences, but I don't believe they're revelations of truth. They're still interesting and fun to talk about. Like dreams.

I don't date/wed a religion, or a god. Only a person.

That being said, there would still be the obvious limit that I would have to like (and be liked by) the person which, as far as I'm concerned, would most probably exclude some of the more... extreme religious beliefs.

Atheist here, married to another atheiest. If I were to date, beliefs would be fine as long as we were somewhat compatible. Open mindedness is a big thing here. Observing certain rituals would be no problem as long as I would not have to participate. However, if you are overly dogmatic or bigoted towards other people based on color, religion or sexuality, you can fuck off right away.

It depends on how passionate about their religion and how the aspects of that passion affects people around them.

I'm a former/non-practicing Christian, and I consider myself agnostic or atheist now.

I married someone with a religion from an entirely different family of religions than Christianity, originating in an entirely different part of the world. The way their religion really affects me day-to-day is that there are certain ingredients we don't keep in the home for cooking. Really not a big deal.

But I can see dating a zealot (from a different religion or not) could pose problems

If they were personally religious (spiritual) rather than socially/dogmatically religious, then it could work out. As an atheist, I'm not against spiritual beliefs, but their core values must align with mine - that is the important bit here. Obviously, communication about these things would determine where we align, and help determine if we could sustain a relationship, but it's certainly a possibility.

Note: I include a love of nature, humanism, etc. under the 'spiritual' label, as well as traditionally religiously spiritual.

Irreligious Agnostic here. As long as they don't have extremist views I don't care.

Yes, if their core beliefs are the same. Kindness, compassion, generosity, etc.

No, Im not a believer and that is unlikely to change

Don't be a dick.

That basically my only requirement.

I’m atheist, but raised as a pretty diligent episcopal. I wouldn’t have any issue dating someone who is religious. I’ve dated a few women with different religious/spiritual views and it was never an issue. I’ve always been fascinated by religions and their histories despite never really believing in one myself.

I’d honestly be open to the idea of “converting” for someone I love, so long as the culture of their religion is compatible with my existing moral standards. I haven’t been to the point where I’d have to do that, but I don’t see why not to except that I’m not sure if it’s right to simply perform the practices with no belief in the core of it.

Not anyone who is actively/strongly religious of any kind. Philosophical/spiritual beliefs is fine with me but anyone who is drinking the Kool-Aid is either delusional or dumb (and probably stubborn/hard to reason with). I was raised Catholic (even went to Catholic school from elementary up to finishing HS) but would consider myself somewhere between agnostic and atheist now

Doubt.

Atheist. I'm quite relaxed about it as long as I don't have to take part in the silly rituals. I've dated a lot of picky eaters so I'm okay with not having bacon at home or whatever your dietary restrictions may be.

It depends. Probably, as long as they didn't think I was going to hell, or believe something I found awful, or were evangelistic, needing me to believe what they did.

My mom's family was Methodist, my dad's family was Catholic, my mom stayed Methodist, Dad became just open-minded general Theist but not specifically Christian, I am not religious but not capital A Atheist.

I'm laic.

What beliefs a person holds to themselves is indiferent to me. And it should not matter to anyone. Relationships are a negotiated endeavour, from both parts, where everyone gives a little to reach a mutual understanding.

Unless a person subscribes views capable of leading to individual, personal and socially harmful and regressive thought and action, it does not matter.

Removing the religious view from your question: would you date a vegan, not being one? Would you date a non vegan, being yourself one?

Zealotry goes both ways. Both the believer and the non believer can entrench themselves in their views so deeply they become fanatics.

as long as they aren't going to force me into said religion I would be fine with it, if I dated anyway.

I would try to support them and all but, I'm agnostic

No

As a former evangelical Christian, who also dabbled in atheism, antitheism, etc, I settled into something that's probably closest to Zen Buddhism mixed with atheism. I've been on dates with people, many of them I probably never knew their religion, but the gung-ho Christians and the Mormons showed their incompatibility very quickly. Funnily enough, ex-catholics dig me and I like them. :-)

I don't see myself dating someone who is theocratic, doesn't believe abortion should be allowed, or wants me to go to their church with them. I sometimes tell the story of the time I was figuring myself out and ended up going on a date with a girl who didn't believe in dinosaurs. I call her dinosaur girl. I wish her well, but man did I dodge a bullet!

Yeah absolutely. I'm not religious per se but vaguely spiritual and I get along fine with religious people as long as they don't force it on others. In fact I like hearing about other perspectives so it could even be something drawing me in.

As a former Christian, I would have a hard time dating anyone who is Evangelical, Protestant, or mainstream Catholic. Other than that, it's not so much the religious views that are the issue for me.

For what I am ... it depends on which end of the elephant you want to look at. For this crowd, let's say pantheist with pagan and Buddhist leanings.