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  • EU leaders to discuss measures aimed at making single currency more attractive on global markets

    Simple, one just need to follow the USA, step by step:

    1. Tell all other countries you altered all the deals you had with all of them. Tell them they now must spend a lot more of their money to buy your stuff, while you will buy a lot less of theirs. Tell them you will also dictate them what their laws and regulations should be like because fuck them.
    2. Require them to also arm themselves and stop relying on your own armed forces like you asked them to do for the last 80 years or so, because you suddenly decided that was a shit deal. But don't let them buy any weapons of their choice, nope, tell them they must buy your weapons, those you have the hand over the 'off-switch' just in case the suckers would one day decide to fight against you.
    3. Shame/ridicule/insult and threaten anyone disagreeing with you. Insist on shaming and insulting and threatening your closest allies even more so than your lifelong enemies, as that will teach them the trustworthy and reliable partner you're.
    4. And if that's not enough, well, there is still the possibility to kick their fucking stupid foreigner ass with your big manly bombs that no one as one as big as yours and fuck you all, losers.

    Sure, that's hastily summarized but I would say it remains quite true to the much more subtle original.