As awful as it is, how do I tell her she's kinda gullible?
As awful as it is, how do I tell her she's kinda gullible?
I(mid 30s dude) am seeing this lady(mid 30s lady), we have different political opinions and talk pretty openly about it. It's interesting, she voted for Trump, was homeschooled/raised christian, very nationalistic and buys his crypto alongside some other crypto, I bought the Communist manifesto while hanging out with her and express all of my opinions boldly. No issues so far, literally.
However over the last few months I've realized a theme in her beliefs, they're all fringe and fake. She wants to go to a chiropractor, she loves the military and believes Trump is a good guy. She dislikes vaccines and believes in psuedo quack medicine yet smokes and vapes. She's an absolute fool and I know it stems from her homeschooling.
Now I have a pretty strong grasp of history and when we discuss the stuff she doesn't understand I find just talking about the history makes her think at least slightly different. But obviously that isn't gonna work long term.
Now I care about this person, I'm not head over heels in love or anything but I don't want her to be this stupid. I dunno how to flat out tell her, "hey your education was poor and it shows," how do you tell someone they're very ignorant in a way that they can put it together themselves. Honestly truly, how?
You don't.
You can't, not in any useful way, without destroying the relationship. It's an attack on their identity and they will not stand for it.
I think that's absurd
I feel like it's time to make an important and possibly painful decision...
I don’t have much to say, but reading helped me understand I could never date someone who is right wing like that.
You can't be with her, but you can be her friend. When topics come up you can gently educate. But she's not the one for you. Sorry, OP.
This is the way, because you other guys don't seem to understand that if we stop the gently educating, no one is doing it anymore and the MAGA BS will stand completely uncontested.
Do you think telling them they're dumb will... help them somehow?
Doing that would only make her lean in harder. Politics is mostly emotional, values, and vibes based. You need to
- see what values she may have that could possibly lead her away from maga. Gently point her to things and have convos about how trump & maga don't fit her values
- reduce her right wing content intake and increase her engagement with content that has better politics
- introduce her to people/communities that will help you move her left (after getting their buy in into doing so)
- essentially offer her a new identity to drop the maga one for
- be patient, be humble, meet her where she is, understand she may not ever take up your exact politics
I don't think telling her straight on is a good idea. But also cutting them off, like others hint at, is a bit drastic. Could you maybe plan a trip together to a museum or some place with actual science experiments to see how they react to real world observations? That way you can naturally talk about those topics while you're there.
I think others are right in that you literally cannot do what you're asking. But if you want a better outlook for her and her future, quite possibly without you, I suggest having discussions about epistemology and how we know what we know. Maybe see if she's open to testing her sources of knowledge a bit.
What is the concrete problem? You're obviously having some unknown unrelated connection, but what needs to change?
(If you don't enjoy her basic company, there is little point in meeting further, it might even harm you (emotional investment/involvement))
If I were in a similar situation I'd simply limit the relationship to certain fields and be vocal about it and your reasons. (I don't know about your needs, but to me this couldn't be my "only" relationship).
Does she have good reading comprehension? Could you become obsessed with critical reading and critical thinking and watch lots of videos about it, then read articles together with a critical eye?
As someone else put, you wouldn't because you can't. Unless - I mean it would be better for both to break it off - but if it evolves into friendship and somehow it leads to this person realizing they've been duped and is willing to think critically, then and only then there will be a chance.
You could try watching one "Knowing Better" video together a week. At least you'll be entertained while you educate that stupid magat.