“UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!
…and it was me.” - Bill Bailey
I just calmly and smoothly switch to shop lifting at large chain stores (not local businesses) if selfcheckout starts wasting my time shrugs
I make it a point to steal a little something every time I'm forced to use these.
Big box hardware stores appear to have zero people to check you out anymore, so they all give me something every time I shop.
Pro tip: they won't bother if you dont steal anything expensive. Additionally, there are cameras in the ceiling that are working with the register to see what is in the cart and determine if you have scanned everything. Buy a cardboard box (cheapest thing that works). Lay it over your cart. Put stuff under it and now the system cant see your cart to determine if you stole something. A GFCI outlet or two never seem to go noticed.
Just a warning - they might actually notice you doing it, and are waiting on you to steal a certain dollar amount (link shows thresholds for different US states) before they come after you so they can charge you with a felony.
I usually bring a festive sombrero to block the cameras.
If the self checkout spazzes put and needs me to get an assistant, that's the last thing I scan at the checkout. Lady comes over, overrides the fail, I say thank you, pay for the stuff while she's standing there, and put it back in the trolley with the stuff I didn't scan yet. You see, I was so frazzled and confused by the disruption that I forgot I still had things to scan. Plausible deniability, I never hid anything, it was all out in the open, and the lady was just standing there. If she mentions it, then I can just resume scanning those items and pay for them too. This has not happened in several dozen grocery trips.
I just get so anxious and confused so easily!
Just happened to me today. I paid for everything but accidentally scanned the item again while packing. I think the cashier knows me by now
Don't be embarrassed, you're keeping her in a job.
Good point. Great name I looooveee father ted!
Oops, accidentally forgot to scan an item 😏
Why not just start a new transaction?
The oligarchs pretend to pay me a fair wage so I pretend to pay for my stuff. Seems fair to me. 🤷♂️
You can't weigh the vegetable at the checkout.
Every other store can do that.
We don't have a scale in the checkout. You have to walk across the store while everyone is waiting for you because the checkout can't be canceled to weigh the vegetable and put a sticker on it. It is not guaranteed that the sticker will be recognised at checkout.
Oh you have a deposit receipt? At checkout to get it done quickly? If you're receiving money a clerk has to come over to approve.
You want out? No, the gate won't open unless you have a receipt. Yeah, yeah, the code reader is, well, confused.
2 weeks later
Stupid customers. Did you see how someone accidentally shattered the gate?
Well, the positive interpretation of the place you live based on this story is that the people in the place you live are extremely polite and compliant lol.
The only issue I keep running into is that the sale price doesn’t match the scanned price. At this point they no longer verify me because I’m so on point with pricing. If it was a different price I wouldn’t have gotten it. It’s a game to me. Love seeing how low I can get my bill to get.
I shop just like you, and I've also got the attendants trained just to fix what I tell them is wrong. I love when the actual money spent is less than 50% of the total before discounts/coupons are applied.
There was a problem every single time I've tried to do a self-checkout so I just do a normal checkout because it's not worth it.
Cashier: you have no idea how many ways and to what degree I’m plotting your murder.
Oh....apperently I'm too evil to be a cashier.
I wouldn't murder. I would go about my day, without a trace of evidence that I'm even angry.
I'd just come over, help the guy, and take note of his appearance, and the current time. Then I'd head to the back after my shift, and talk to the security guy. I'd make up some reason I have to check the security tapes. But I'd do it in a way that sounds like it's just buddys being buddies. Nothing suspicious.
Then I'd watch the tape 10 minutes after the encounter. I'd watch the parking lot. See where he goes. Find him getting into his car. Take note the make and model of the car, and the liscense plate.
Now I use public records to track him down. I find out his name, his address, his work, his life. I find out everything I can about him.
Now I hire the biggest musclehead there is. Not to beat him up, but to have an affair with his wife. Make his wife feel properly fucked and orgasm multiple times. Make it a regular thing. All without the wife realizing it's a ploy.
His marriage ends, as his wife no longer loves him. And NOW the real plan can commence.
I'd hire a woman who looks visually similiar to his wife, but much more dominant. I'd hire her to seduce him, but also take control of their relationship. She'd have him whipped, and play off his emotional insecurity that he would lose her if he doesn't do what she wants. And she'd get demanding, and have him whipped.
She would eventually take him to an actual dungeon. She'd get him naked, and tied up, laying on his back with his ankles being worn as earrings. And as he'd tied in that position, completely vunerable, that's when I emerge from the shadows, revealing my master plan for revenge!
Except, it was a forgetable moment, 5 years ago. He has no idea who I am. Doesn't matter. He's already in position, and I've worked too hard to get this exact moment to where it is.
He's totally exposed, vunerable, and can't move.
COMMENCE THE TICKLE TORTURE!!!
as someone who works in a grocery store* off the top of my heat I cannot remember any customer (I don't know outside of work) OTHER than a funny Irish man and someone with a confederate flag shirt.
when I'm on cart duty i DO remember bumper stickers though, I take photos of the funny ones sometimes. Also bugs/birds/cats/etc are all free reign to gawk at.
a tiny spider I saved while cleaning out one of the check out areas
fluffy cadpiller!!! 🐛🐛
I got bored and little bits of stuff fall off sometimes so I started collecting them. This isn't an animal but it's a nice memory 🌻
uhhhhhhhhh
?????
*also technically I'm a "front end service" something, so I bag and do carts and clean sometimes, but it's close enough to a cashier
Relevant username if I've ever seen one
"unexpected item in the tickle area"
And then your realize that this happens way to often and you have to manage thousands of those at a time
Weird that this isn’t even the worst thing to come out of Florida.
I just move on to the next machine, let them deal with clearing out your order with the machine.
All of the self checkouts I've seen clear the transaction automatically if you don't touch them for a couple of minutes. There's a prompt asking if you want to continue, and if that times out it just resets
I actually haven't seen one that does that yet. Although most of the stores they have near me put them in a while ago though. They typically want to retain the info for loss prevention purposes. I know the store closest to me would have to audit all of the non sale transactions at the end of the day or next morning.
Yup, that's what I do.
I feel called out, you even got an image of me.
Hit on them! You never know <3
