Media changes definition of 'crossfire' to include when a cop points a gun at you and shoots you

It’s The Onion, but that doesn’t mean it’s implicitly untrue.

None of this is funny anymore. They can't go any crazier than the shit happening on the daily.

Maybe they should do an about face and start telling the types of jokes you'd find in a joke book you'd get from a 2nd grade book fair. Anything to distract from this reality.

Dystopia isn't funny if you're living in one.

Did you see the size of that video camera? The thing is probably capable of at least 60 frames per second, PER SECOND.

At this point the onion needs to create a real news network called "The Shallot" or something because they've become more reputable than big outlets

Fuck, I ate it.