"BONTO is selling your personal info to Google! Click this non-working link to opt out!"
You don' hate email; you hate capitalism.
Actually no, I don't remember when email was ever useful and I do remember dial-up internet 😂
It used to be chain emails "Send this to 10 other people or YOU'LL DIE" and people forwarding other people's bad picture slideshows and even worse uplifting inspiring cards without looking at them, and now it's automated slop.
In the late 90s there was a women's magazine called Bust, and for some reason they'd also let you have a bust dot com email account if you wanted. You could email me at cleavage@bust.com, and those were creative fun days of the Internet.
ETA: it still exists as a quarterly internet magazine but it is NOTHING like it was, it was a great magazine.
I actually love email. While yes, this post is accurate, email is the most filterable communication system that I have. Since I have my own email-server, and I know how procmail rules work, I can tightly control who is allowed to contact me, and what folders their messages go into. It also has great crowd-sourcing of known spammers, that I can pull from to help me filter out spammy IP addresses.
Every other message system only has a "report spam" button, that is dependent on the service admins, and doesn't actually stop people from sending me annoying junk-mail.
Meanwhile:
No, I don't like e-mails, they're all spam, I only have an account to register other accounts. Why can't we continue our chat here on Natziapp (formerly known as Chatter)? Yes, I know, it's full of nazis, and stuff, but if we convince him hard enough, he could change for the better.
Subject: your billing statement is now available
Body: Log on to our website because we couldn't possibly JUST FUCKING TELL YOU HOW MUCH ELECTRICITY OR WHATEVER YOU USED THIS MONTH DIRECTLY IN THE E-MAIL; no, we've got to play fucking games and make you do extra work and stop you from automatically having a record of your shit without having to deliberately log on to the platform we control and download them individually with 30 seconds worth of clicking between each one.
WTF is even the point of the email if there's NO USEFUL INFORMATION IN IT?!
What the hell is BONTO! I don't remember making an account on BONTO! Why do I have a BONTO! account is someone impersonating me WAS MY EMAIL HACKED??? Oh wait it's just a rebrand of that one website that forced me to create an account 10 years ago.
My current personal hell is
Log in to use Splurp™️!
USERNAME: Bongo Password: Schleeb209-!AA12
An E-Mail has been sent to Bongo@bingus.gov with a link to sign in [click link] Please confirm with 2FA!
Now do this again every fucking hour on this service you use all day you fucking cow.
The same could be said for any form of communication, really.
I remember when phones used to be good. Now it's all
- We have important information about your car's warranty.
- Here's information on new solar panel installation that doesn't work with your home / location.
- You've been selected to answer a quick 15 question survey.
I remember when mail used to be good. Now it's all
- I'm a disgraced Nigerian prince and I need your help to protect my multi-million dollar fortune.
- Here's all the important sales WalMart is having this week! Don't miss out!
- Here's your electricity bill that you're enrolled in auto-pay for. No action is needed on your part, but we're sending you this 12-page summary anyway.
Email is the original Fediverse.
BONTO! Has been turned into a cube
Click here to unsubscribe to the cube
Mail is made so much better when using an alias system like SImpleLogin from Proton. Just create a new mail for everything (except Atlassian the idiots) and when they start doing bullshit you can terminate the email.
Enabling OTP code 2FA will also reduce the verification emails
Don't forget
- "BONTO! is sneakily roping you into a binding private arbitration clause because they're planning to do some real shady shit that'll affect a critical mass of users!
(At the bottom of the email)
...You can still opt to use the public justice system that already exists if you disagree with this. You simply must send your disagreement in writing upon a clay tablet delivered by a specific courier to a remote P.O Box in Illinois within the next 32 business hours.
They forgot the newsletters you get twice a day* (*thrice if you opted out of newsletters) and the deluge of spam when everyone at Bonto sold your email address while they were going out of business.
Email has a place. I always let my teams know that text, phone call, or IM / DM aren't professional ways to communicate.
The reason being is that it isn't externally travelable - you can't send it to the next recipient in a format that is accepted by most people.
Also I hate needing to check five or seven fucking messaging apps to get all of the info consolidated. Send a goddamned email with everything once the thought is finished.
I do miss BONTO! though. Not gonna lie.
Join BONTO! plus today and experience our latest, AI enchanced premium features.
You missed the one about the data breach that they are still investigating, but subtly hint that your full contact details, credit card, social security number, health status, sexual orientation, bank account, and passwords were sold on the dark web.
Not a fan of BONTO!’s forced arbitration clause though.
Most of my e-mails are the automated system for the hospital network I have most of my doctors through. I don't really have many accounts with things though, and usually when I get something from one it is because I logged in on a device I hadn't previously, or changed some information, or ordered something. That and the video call meeting stuff with a couple doctors. Meh.
I wish my email were so focused. It's mostly boner pills and fake Geek Squad renewals.
I would mark it as spam at "slorp is now bonto" if not at "thank you for creating..."
I never knew when email was useful. It's all cold calls, or useless actions and full of anxiety experience. And in the middle of all that still have to be careful with spam and phishing. Some people say that is useful for quick messages, but then if in a thread with people during one day or two all the freaking messages are like "Hi Mark,.... Best Regards" bullshit, forcing me to go to the search engine trying to find a closing statement different than previous...
Really, email, my only wish is for it to die. And everyone just expects you to know how to use it, with those useless and weird Bcc and Cc and other weird magical keywords. Don't get me started on "email etiquette" when everybody does it differently and if you go to some mailing lists you are immediately bullied or dismissed just because you don't know the magical incantations they work with...
It's all bullshit and I deeply hate it in my soul. Truly a tech from the 60s.
Nicely worded. Summarize my inbox.
I hate AI Slop profile images.
Christ I'm old enough to have received the Canter and Siegal green card lottery email.
