Any user input should take top priority over anything. I don't want to wait for your 50 banner and ads to load to click the thing I already know I want. If I opened a program or clicked a link I don't want, I want to be able to leave even before its wasted more time loading the thing I don't want. And holy shit, those tutorial popups that explain features that you can't click out of, and have to click through all the prompts to start using the fucking program, made way worse if you went there by accident and are now stuck.
Google maps when Android auto detects music moves all the buttons up out of their usual place but it's slightly delayed. Most dangerous #5 I've encountered.
5 is infuriating, especially if the site engages in fuckery like putting an ad under where the desired click disappeared from, so the user ends up clicking the ad.
3 is clearly satire, and a very real and valid condemnation about modern web page design. Use Hugo (or similar) and pick a lightweight theme: there are several nice looking ones that specifically exclude JavaScript, which is the main culprit.
1 is such. A. Pain. Sure, if you use KDE or mconnect and the KDE app on Android, it's easy. The Device Connect app works really well. Apple to Apple is trivial. But arbitrary device to arbitrary device? The problem is that there's no standard championed by anyone. Apple is not interested in pushing their protocol: they have a vested interest in making all other devices a PITA so people are encouraged to buy into the Apple ecosystem. Google has been oddly inactive about it. Samsung does the same thing Apple does. We have the Wormhole protocol which is fantastic, but not even the main Linux desktops have built-in support; c.f. KDE Connect.
I hate 5. there's nothing worse than clicking on a page, clicking a button and the split second before you click it the page inexplicably moves 2 inches up or down causing you to click something else
5 is intentional. Websites choose what size ads are displayed, they plan ad placement and page layout around that. If the page is jumping around as ads load they want it to. They want you to accidentally click, because that gets them more money than simply displaying the ad.
For #1 you wanna try Magic wormhole. Maybe it's less user-friendly than you need it to be, but it works and there are lots of implementations for different owes (don't know about iOS though).