How are Americans so outgoing and extroverted and how can I become the same?

A complete lack of self-awareness seems to help with appearing confident.

1. there are plenty of shy or anxious people in the US too!
2. as you say, being outgoing is a skill. 21 is an awkward and transitional age where you're still finding out things about yourself. As you get more comfortable it can get easier to talk to other people too.

Just keep in mind, you may have this perception because the Americans you see are happy and on vacation lol. They’re traveling to another country, which selects for confidence and curiosity.

Look, someone has misrepresented America, and Americans to you. You have to be in VERY specific places for the type of interactions that you are describing.

Very many places in America, nobody wants to talk to you, greet you, look at you, or have you smile in their direction.

What you are describing is "Small town vibe" where you in fact usually have to be a part of the small town before people will start treating you the way you have described.

People in America have social anxiety as well.

If your desire is to be good at interpersonal relations, then you need to practice exactly that. If your fellow Germans aren't up to the task, then I suggest finding some alternative to Omegle (since I think that got shut down?) and try to small talk with strangers over a webcam if you can.

We're also stupid beyond belief. Have you considered removing your sense of shame and any semblance of introspection?

But on a more pragmatic note, I think a lot of comfort in (anything, but especially in) social situations requires putting in the repetitions and trying to model certain people or traits. Who do you aspire to resemble? I've always appreciated media with fast-paced, witty dialog. Sitcoms from the 90s (for example, Seinfeld or Friends, to name a couple); movies by, for example, Kevin Smith or Guy Ritchie, and just becoming more comfortable with the language. Read more, watch more, expand your vocabulary, learn and master figures of speech. Then find people to hang out with and practice. Go for coffee, or a walk, or a beer, and be candid with your companions about your desires to speak captivatingly and confidently.

I'm an American, was born here and lived here all my life, and lemme tell ya I am a goddamned introvert as all hell. Lol.

You can always try to memorize some key phrases, like:

"did you see that ludicrous display last night?"

https://youtu.be/gWJIQm9qH-w

From my experience it's just part of the cultural differences. While many Americans, at least in the Midwest where I spent a lot of time for work, are very friendly and outgoing, I hardly ever got the impression that it's deep or meaningful. From my experience it was very easy to have great conversations with people whom I hardly knew or had met just an hour ago but hardly ever did it go anywhere meaningful.

Now to the question of how does one become this outgoing kind of person: just try and talk to people, remain friendly and open. It will likely take some practice and maybe not be reciprocated by your average European.

Different parts of the USA have different expectations for small talk, but it is generally higher than I've seen for parts of Europe.

That said, being outgoing is a muscle for some people and, because of cultural differences, Americans tend to work out this muscle more than other countries.

A lot of us are overconfident and overcompensating.

I have this extreme amount of shame that's blocking me.

I think exploring the origins of this shame and addressing it is the bare minimum required to getting you to a healthier inner space.

Immersion therapy man. Go find a board game meetup, exercise meetup or sports meetup or something that puts you in a situation where you're gonna be able to have casual conversations.

Loads of people just like you with social anxiety and who are introverted though in the US, and honestly any nation in the Americas... and probably the world.

When I moved to America I adopted this personality. All it is is a script for me - I talk about observations in the current environment, the weather, comment if I like someone’s outfit/bag/shoes. It’s not genuine interest, although sometimes I get bored and talk to people.

"Americans" is a stupidly large and diverse population to say anything meaningful about. It's extremely unlikely that that any population of humans of such a size doesn't include some individuals who are more extreme than you, both more and less, for almost all traits.

You're less likely to observe introverts than extroverts because one of those types will tend to do things in a way that are less likely to get your attention. You might well be experiencing observation/selection bias, possibly also reinforced by confirmation bias.

But whatever you think to be the "typical", even if you could estimate it using some unbiased sampling method, it is often not a helpful way describe the whole population, or at best a reductive "average" that has limited useful applications.

TLDR - human populations are diverse. I don't think any nation has ever effectively brainwashed or eugenicised their population into a single homogeneous group.

We really aren't. The difference is, the most successful of us are. And those are the ones you typically seem to meet overseas. Because the less successful of us can't afford the trip.

Hey friend, American here. We all feel like that inside, at least a little. I was a huge introvert, and still am to an extent. However, I’ve been forced into pretending to be an extrovert for ages. I need a bunch of time to myself after things like business travel though, where I have to be the other me for long periods.

The only advice I have is: try it out. It sucks at first, but it gets easier. Sometimes you might actually enjoy it.

If you ever need help or want to practice in a judgement-free space, hit me up. My German isn’t so great but I’ve spent some time there.

I decided to make a new account to post this

Talk therapy has been a godsend for me developing emotionally and as a result socially. It takes years, so it’s not a magic pill. But I’m a version of myself that seemed completely unobtainable when I was younger and the changes are very positive. Takes a lot of working on yourself.

My mentality that has helped (before I worked in retail and dealt with hundreds if not thousands of people a day) was realizing that they will probably think about me just as much as I think about them in a few hours. Which is not at all.

There is a little nihilism of "nothing in this conversation matter" mixed with I learned I kind of like people. The vast majority of people are nice.

I really think it's a cultural thing. It would be like me(an American) saying "how can I be more Japanese?"

To put a finer point on it, Americans have grown up in a culture where self expression and social interaction is encouraged. So we are less afraid of approaching a stranger for casual conversation. Add to that the fact that we, culturally, have very low self awareness. All we know is what offends other Americans. We rarely have the social intelligence to modify our behavior to match our surroundings.

So while, yes, Germans may be more reserved by nature; don't think that is a value judgement. If you want to be more outgoing do it in a German way. Americans are the way we are because we are Americans.

That said, if I could offer a suggestion to mitigate your social anxiety; I would suggest that other people don't think about you and your behavior anywhere near as much as you think they do. Most people don't give a shit. If you can't think of anything to say but you want to start a conversation a compliment is always a winning strategy. But nothing is a substitute for genuine curiosity.

!AskUSA@discuss.online

Definitely not too weird a question!

There are plenty of introverted Americans who hate how extraverted it is here. And the U.S. definitely isn't "superior" to Germany in that way (or any other particular way.)

Also, there's a difference between introversion, shyness, social anxiety, an avoidant and/or schizoid and/or schizotypal personality type, an avoidant attachment style, hikikomori/shutins, autism, and plenty of other sorts of socially-averse sorts of temperments. Some are "problems", some aren't. Given the way you're talking about yourself, it sounds like what you're experiencing is something you'd like to change about yourself. I do think it's worth introspecting a bit (see what I did there?) and seeing to what extent your desire to change is internalized shame put on you by others and to what extent changing your presentation in the world would lead to a truer expression of your true self. But assuming the latter is the case...

Practice. Even if Germany is a pretty introverted place (and that's valid -- there are definitely differences regionally with regard to how introverted or extraverted the culture is) there are definitely places/events/gatherings/etc that are more expressions of extraversion than others. Immerse yourself in such events. Baby steps are fine. Start with contexts that are just a little bit more extraverted than you are if you like. And move on to more and more extraverted sorts of contexts. Also, I'd try to focus on events centered around things you hold a genuine interest in. (I, for instance, have enjoyed a lot of tabletop roleplaying games. That activity, even though it's engaged in with others, feels much less overwhelming to me given that everyone's focused on a common activity rather than just on "each other.")

One more word about this. Try to avoid "masking." That is, don't invent a facade of extraversion to show people. It's very cliche to say it, but: "be yourself." I think probably ultimately if you end up "pretending to be extraverted" rather than engaging in socialization in a way you genuinely enjoy, it's likely to do you more harm than good with regard to your goals.

Good luck!

As an American, this is the simplest way I can say this.

Ignorance is bliss.

The less you know, the happier you are.

The happier you are, the more outgoing you become.

It's a double edged sword.

Reading the first line of this post had me laughing

I'll give you the chat code. Lots of eye contact, smile, and all then ask questions about them whenever the conversation dies. People, especially Americans generally love to talk about themselves.