@CheeseToastie Yeah, sounds about right. But being AuDHD, there's also an extended release version of this.
-Exist
-Do nothing for several months
-Existential Dread
-Get A New Thing
-Spend several months dedicating your life to The New Thing
-Burn out and drop everything
-Bump into A Situation where you could've use one of The Things you've acquired during one of the previous cycles
-Panic and feel guilty
-Furiously get back into The Thing, dropping all other Things, including socializing and feeding yourself properly for a month or two
-Burn out and do nothing for several months
-Make a pact with yourself to never do that again
-Exist...
For sure... Though I've recently found out that the medicine works, but I hate the way it makes me feel and I'd rather have zero executive functioning than to take it every day.
Hope you don’t join the My Parents Thought I Was But Chose To Not Do Anything Club followed by the If I’d Only Known I Wouldn’t Have Wasted So Much Of My Potential Club.
If I’d Only Known I Wouldn’t Have Wasted So Much Of My Potential Club.
I'm in this club but very much trying to leave, because I'm starting to realize "wasted potential" in itself is a toxic idea that's been ingrained by years of teachers telling me this (with my parents doing their best to counter).
That's not to say I'm not still trying to do my best, I am, but only because I want to and because it makes me happy.
I’m in the second one, but instead of the first one, I joined the My Parents thought I was just lazy and worthless and did everything they could to make me feel bad about it, and when that clearly didn’t work, they doubled down on the same strategy even harder, and now I am triggered just being in the same room with them from the PTSD they gave me Club. It’s honestly not a great club? I do not recommend joining.
I thought I had ADHD but RFKjr says I just need discipline, maybe I should have listened to my parents about needing discipline when I was a teen. I bet lack of discipline is why I excel in everything I do but don't seem to do anything including things I like. Definitely, it's lack of discipline keeping me from journaling and playing tetris or practicing guitar. It's definitely lack of discipline that explains why I can never keep my house clean for more than a day, or why trash nests seemingly spawn around me. It's definitely lack of discipline that makes me sit in the bathroom, next to the already running shower, trying to build up the nerve to endure the state change and just get in the shower.
It's discipline right? Right? Because if it isn't I'm gonna need a lot of apologies from all the folks who said it was along the way. And some fucking adderall.
Do you actually do nothing as in stand still staring at the wall with an empty mind emitting white noise or you do minor stuff that you consider as nothing?
The mind isn't empty, it is running a mile a minute which is why I'm starting at the wall I need to hang the shelf on as I consider all the options and related times I've hung a shelf and maybe I need to to laundry but also a ton of other stuff that isn't related in any way.
Don't worry, I won't remember any of it hours later when I give up and do something else.
This doesn't happen all the time, but it happens way too often.
Yeah, I grew up with a close relative that was diagnosed with ADHD, and I assumed I didn't have it since I lacked the "hyperactive" part that I saw all the time with them.
Turns out the 'H' isn't always referring to physical hyperactivity...
Does your mind wander when you read?
Do you lose things frequently?
Are you losing track of time frequently?
Do you often interrupt people in conversations?
Do you have 12 projects started but nothing finished?
Does your work area look like a bomb when off?
That's a good day. On an average day an express train of thought takes me from doing nothing to and right into existential dread without intermediate stops.
I do this as well. Sometimes I challenge myself of figuring how the fuck I ended up in the dread by tying to go backwards om the train of thoughts. Sometimes I've managed to take each step back and figure out what started it all, a whole 17 steps back.
Totally. Only that I postponed the thing I had to do for even longer.
Your post made me realize that I postpone because I am afraid of hyperfixating. When I hyperfixate I do things that I don't want to be do, but that have to be done to make them right.
Like I expected, when I finally did what I had to do, I found something that was not right, and spent some additional time on it without being able to let go.
Here is an older thought about it:
Could it be that ADHD is an identity thing?
Essentially like transsexual but for being and not sex. Hyperfocussing is like wearing a mask, not out of fear of social reactions but from the inability of maintaining my identity. I lost my day by being afraid of experiencing being-dysphoria. It only ends when the fear of the consequences of inaction are bigger than the fears of dysphoria.
Yep. I'm medicated now, and it's helping me with making healthy routines. Chores for the kids are actually delegated at a reasonable time on weekends, I get my shit done in a reasonable time, and then have time to just chill and watch my show, do a hobby, and even spend time with my family.
If you suspect you might have ADHD, go get checked.