instead the person who called them that hears “You did something wrong for calling me that,” and they get defensive. It’s one of those things that, once you notice, you’ll see it everywhere.

And not just about language and people addressing each other.

This phenomenon has been enhanced and amplified with online discussion, so that now we all "choose" to spend our time around people and spaces that reflect how we already feel about a variety of things. So that as soon as you encounter someone outside of that comfort zone who has different preferences, you will see it as stressful and hostile.

In the Great Before Times, when people talked to each other face-to-face, we all learned pretty fast that we need to be compromising and thoughtful and actually listen to each other without presumption of hate or hostility, or we get pushed away from people and end up alone. Or punched in the snotlocker.

Yep, you really hit the nail on the head

Some older folks have a genuine visceral reaction to “queer” because, whether it’s been taken back or not, you can’t just psychologically undo a lifetime of that word having been weaponized against you.

Tbf, that word in it's original definition literally means "Weird" or "Unnatural". Like: "A circle in the triangle factory? How queer!"

As for all the other words and their association with LGBTQ I have no clue.

I can be such a forsooth sometimes.

I've been transitioning for 10 years and these thoughts still haunt me sometimes 🙃

Translating is always perilous. My dad said never do it. But I wouldn't translate Gordo to fatty. It's not old slang, it's not out of date, and it's not culturally offensive. It's more like calling your son ''bread ball'' or ''Lil biscuit'' or something you'd lovingly call a chubby baby.

Flaco means skinny

I do actually call my mom bro, but if like, a friend or coworker said "don't call me that" I just wouldn't do it.

Edit: this is tangential to the real point of the post, which is just to not call people things they don't like.

Bro is harder to argue for sure.

And man, unless it's more, "oh man, that's rough" as an excalamatory rather than "good to see you man" is still gendered.

But dude has never been gendered. It was mostly used by guys towards guys, but the origins of that usage (rather than dude ranches or the derogatory term related to that) it was applied to everyone. Dudette came along later but was essentially created because the usage was male dominated, not because dude was gendered. It's one of the rare gender neutral, inclusive slang terms. So much so that when dudette was thrown around, it got rejected as unnecessary, and was sometimes taken offensively. Same with dudina and dudess.

Mind you, the era where it was mostly an underground slang used in African American circles is murkier, since it was underground, less written at the time, and after it got "borrowed" by white kids lost its popularity there.

But when surfer culture picked it up, and it spread via movies, female surfers were called dude, and used it the same way as female surfers. They were just such a minority that the association didn't stick in pop culture because what got seen was Spicoli, and the association with it as being used by guys about guys got absorbed as the primary usage.

There was no gender division in that origin, nor was there a need for it. There simply wasn't a female specific alternative to dude.

Since it is still used inclusively far more than it isn't, it's usually better to assume the best rather than the worst. Someone duding someone in a casual and friendly way is unlikely to be using it as a gendered term. It's more like buddy, or pal, or even mate than something like bro that started gendered and is still predominantly used that way.

This is the only one that I haven't been able to drop from growing up in the early 2000s. I'm good about not saying it in public, but if it's just the boys playing games or something all bets are off haha

If they act like cunts, we should call them cunts. But I totally understand that's not possible in all situations, like when you have a person in power cunting all over you.

My problem (and many others I guess) is that i won't remember Pat or Kelly the next time. And the next time. And the next time etc etc. Especially if I only see her ever so often. No chance to remember special pronouns beyond what gender they present. He/she/him/her is relatively easy (but not always...) them/they or anything else they prefer seems overly complicated in a social setting.

But if I remember the name and intentionally use others to taunt you, then yes, I would be a cunt. And I try not to be one...

It doesn't cost nothing though.

If a person habitually calls everyone "dipshit", they need to pay close attention every time they speak with that person, making sure to think about every word coming out of their mouth and making sure none of these is "dipshit".

Just try speaking to someone and never using "the" ever, it's incredibly hard. If you're used to speaking in a certain way, it's very hard to change and takes a lot of mental work. And it's ok if it's one word with one person... but what if everyone decides a word or multiple words isn't fine to them? It gets harder and harder.

This is not a complete non-issue like it's being treated.

I don't want you to walk next to me on the street. The view of you pisses me off.

Is that wrong? Or am I allowed to tell you where you shall walk?

If the person truly doesn't mean no offense with "dipshit" but you still take offense from it, that's what I'm talking about.

Same as walking on the street, if you don't want to see the person, just don't go on the street close to them. If you don't want to hear something they're saying then don't speak to them, avoid them.

I already said that if someone doesn't want to be called dipshit, then there's no reason to keep calling them that.

Definitely agree. It depends on the situation and context/situational clues.

Remember that we are talking about a metaphor here, the "actual" situation that is talked about is people calling trans femme people "dude" or "bro".

I know a bunch of people who really just use these words all the time on everyone and never were they trying to say that a woman they call that is actually a man. I suppose it's possible and happens sometimes, but I imagine it's very rare.

I'm not trans but I'm a feminine presenting man. Regardless, people can speak on whatever they want to, that doesn't mean they have anything of value to add though.

Tolerating intolerance is a nothing burger of a philosophical/linguistic debate. It literally stems from right wing trolls making jokes about the supposed "tolerant left" and for some stupid fucking reason troglodyte leftists feel the need to engage good faith with the statement, everytime it's brought up I just move on. It doesn't mean anything.

Someones an asshole if they are deliberately calling someone something they don't want to be called with the intention of bullying them. Intent matters more and in the above scenario the intent was clearly established to be adherence to a cultural norm, not to insult the person. It would be silly to go to Spain and be mad at them for not using preferred english pronouns even if it was made clear because like, they're just speaking their language. They don't mean anything by it. Any offence only exists in the mind of the offended.

Yeah that checks out lol

Yeah on rethinking the fundamental nature of my statement you're probably right. I hate the stupid tolerance shit. Fuck being tolerant I'm intolerant as fuck who cares. With regards to pronouns, they are in my opinion entirely subjective. The first one that comes to my mind when looking at someone is as correct as the first word anyone else might think of. That being said I do consider the opinion of the person I'm talking about, it's just complimentary to my own interpretation of gender