‘There were no warning signs’: what happens when your partner falls into the ‘manosphere’?
‘There were no warning signs’: what happens when your partner falls into the ‘manosphere’?
More and more men are being sucked into parts of the internet that circulate misogynist content, leaving their families to deal with the wreckage
cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/36418433
With surveys reporting that an increasing number of young men are subscribing to these beliefs, the number of women finding that their partners share the misogynistic views espoused by the likes of Andrew Tate is also on the rise. Research from anti-fascism organisation Hope Not Hate, which polled about 2,000 people across the UK aged 16 to 24, discovered that 41% of young men support Tate versus just 12% of young women.
“Numbers are growing, with wives worried about their husbands and partners becoming radicalised,” says Nigel Bromage, a reformed neo-Nazi who is now the director of Exit Hate Trust, a charity that helps people who want to leave the far right.
“Wives or partners become really worried about the impact on their family, especially those with young children, as they fear they will be influenced by extremism and racism.”
I don't care what excuses you want to pull out of your ass about the absolute horror for young men growing up in a world where women aren't just sex objects and kitchen appliances. If you support and cling to the words of a known sex trafficker and rapist like Andrew Tate, you are a complete and utter piece of shit. And any pathetic excuse about loneliness or feeling left behind goes right out the window there. It's like men are on a mission to reinforce and prove all of the negative stereotypes right. Fuck these pieces of shit, I wouldn't waste my piss on them if they were burning alive.
I know this kind of attitude can feel righteous and satisfying. But, it's exactly the kind of attitude that drives people towards pieces of shit like Tate. I'm not saying you have to bend over and make assholes feel welcome, but having a little empathy can go a long way. Pushing them away so aggressively just contributes to a bad feedback loop.
Yeah, I read this first thing in the morning and replied before even checking what community it is. Probably should've deleted this but also, maybe it's a good discussion to have around here.
I know that you're right but it just feels hopeless. You say that I should have empathy but honestly what I worry about the most is that the people we're talking about here have no empathy of their own. Because I can't help but wonder, don't these kids have mothers and sisters that they look at and at least feel a little bit bad about the circles they spend time in and the ideology they believe in? It's a strange mix of disgust and despair that I feel about this. Because I feel like trying to appeal to the good nature of mother's sons that listen to rapists in the first place is a lost cause.
But I could just be bitter. And facing my own gender wars internally and projecting that. I've actually been trying to stay away from these conversations because I'm not sure if I can be anything but angry at this point.
Nah, that's not it. Manosphere assholes offer easy and satisfying answer to all the problem, and the solution they offer doesn't require anyone to do hard work, but instead gives the sensation of being right and cool.
That's the reason they attract people, not the uncaring left, not the smugness of righteous comments on the internet, ot the evilness of women.
Still can't fucking belive those pieces of shit were set free
Pretty sure a lot of that guy’s audience is teenage boys.
There’s something he is speaking towards that resonates. This needs to be addressed with open mind and open heart. Calling them all pieces of shit and the other flavorful language you are using only serves to further entrench them in their beliefs.
Men and boys have real and genuine problems that need to be acknowledged and addressed. Some of these problems are perceived problems, others are factual and documented and proven.
I don’t think your strategy will be very successful.
As someone who has always been a good person and yet has never managed to secure a decent relationship, I can say that that view is massively too simplistic. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be around next month, but other people have massively different reactions to that sort of loneliness. It breaks you down and makes you question every aspect of your personality. At first you try to improve yourself. You study yourself, and you talk with other to try and identify what it is that makes you unlikable. Then you work on those issues. But eventually people stop being able to tell you what is is you're missing, and thats when you realise it's not something you're missing. It's not that you lack something, it's that you have something. Something makes you fundamentally different from other people, and you start to accept that you will never have the things that other have.
From here i see two possible solutions: change the world to allow me by force, or give up. Im not the type to force myself on anyone who doesnt want me there, so I've pretty much accepted the latter. But for people that have more attatchment to this world, it's difficult to tell them to have empathy for a world that explicitly hates them.
Edit: also its worth noting that I have never had any compulsion to listen to any of those rapists, but I can feel the draw when it feels like there is some fundamental aspect of being a man that everyone else seems to get but I don't. These guys offer easy answers which do in fact tend to result in you getting partners: force. And from a lot of the complaints I hear about men online, it almost seems like I am the only person not forcing myself on people. Which, consistency wise, checks out.
Again, obviously I am not considering becoming one of them but our society currently definitely seems to be designed to create more of them.
Hey Scubus, I found your comment and the discussions with others interesting. What caught my eye was your statement that you are probably "not going to be around next month". It got me worried you are considering hurting yourself!
If that is the case, please reach out to any of your friends that you say do see value in you as a person, or family. There are also organisations that you can contact to help you deal with these feelings, if you would prefer a more anonymous route. I might be able to suggest some resources if you tell me where you live.
I completely agree with one other commenter saying that thinking about yourself as having a fixed, unlikable component is a simplistic view of human nature. The fact that you haven't been able to find a romantic partner until now does not confirm it. There are so many factors determining whether two people who are compatible with each other come together, of which one commonly missed, but in fact immensely important, is luck!
When you ask people what they think might be wrong with you, they will come up with something, mostly out of their wish to help you. The fact that some cannot come up with anything is a further testament of there being nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Rarely do people realise they should actually challenge your frame (some commenters here did): there is nothing wrong with you, you are simply asking a wrong question.
This is not to invalidate your feelings of worthlessness of love which I sensed are sometimes too much for you to handle. It simply means that these feelings and thoughts about yourself, however real and strong, do not represent some objective reality.
Again, please reach out for help if you need it! Just from reading a couple of your comments, I could tell you are a thoughtful person, capable of reflection, which is a very attractive characteristic in my romantic book. I am positive there are many, many more which, I am sure!, are going to lead the right person to you.
I am sending good karma your way and wishing you the best of luck. 🍀
I know this seems like an unserious response, but it is, and it's one of the main points of the Barbie movie: you need to learn, perhaps accept, to be enough for yourself.
Ken was looking for validation from Barbie, but when she didn't, he became angry and all. But the message at the end is right: people should not look to other people for validation. Why? Because you are enough. You don't need someone else to tell you that. You can tell yourself that. All people are flawed in some way, so what's it matter what someone else thinks? They're no better than your to judge you.
And the truth is, the other way is off-putting. I don't want to be with a person who isn't enough for themself. If they're not enough for themself, how can they be good enough for me? I don't want someone who wants or needs me to be responsible for their emotional management. I want a whole person who is secure in themselves.
One of the problems in society, I think, is the idea that people need to pair up. Women, as a whole, have learned much more quickly than men that romantic relationships may be nice, but they are not essential. We (and maybe our cats) are enough for ourselves. I don't know how to get men on that same page, too.
Yeah, it is that pathetic "boys will be boys" or "let's talk about mental heatlh" copout whenever this ideology of bigotry and terror is being mentioned. Plenty of people can be lonely and not convert into a psychopathic bigot.
yes there was, like years and years of mysogynist influencers both on youtube and from pickup artists, the signs was all there.
The headline is in reference to the woman having no warning signs that her partner was being influenced.
The bpd behaviour these guys all present with, isn't something that just hijacks them over night either.
That 'I hate you, don't leave me' pattern is so easy to spot for anyone who's experienced it before, and I don't think it's hyperbolic to say that most women have experienced cruel and jealous male partners.
It's darkly ironic that borderline personality disorder has been stereotyped as a female condition as it really seems so much more prevalent and dangerous in men.