I just bought one last week and holy shit you aren't joking. Our Canon was malfunctioning for the last 2 years, so I finally bought a refurbed B&W Brother Laser. I've never had a printer just work like this. I didn't even have to connect to it. My browser just automatically detected it, even on Linux.
My wife would always call it World War 3 whenever I would go to print something with my inkjet. Finally bought a Brother colour laser a couple years ago. While my distrust of printers is still deep seeded, this printer and I are approaching something of a friendship.
I just bought a new printer. After reading lots of reviews, it came down to Brother color laser and Canon color laser. Consensus seemed to be Canon was equally reliable with slightly better color quality.
I bought mine (HL2270-DW) 12 years ago for college. Last week I plugged it in after it sat for several years and printed off some stuff for family with 0 problems. I think it's only on its second toner as well.
They last much longer in storage /without printing because toner is a powder, so it can't dry out. The print head of an inkjet printer (part of the cartridge) will dry out if you don't use it for a few weeks.
Still the exact same printer my family has been using for the past 10 years after our old Inkjet kicked the bucket a measly 3 months after it was born. And it has seen some stuff, including being dropped at least twice, plastic film in the paper compartment, coffee-stained (for aged effect) paper, and even a x-acto knife blade that somehow ended up in there.
Conversely, I have a recent-ish (<5yrs old) Brother inkjet printer that's waiting to be dumped to recycling because it arbitrarily decided that it didn't ever need to be discoverable or respond to any print requests one day, and so even though there was nothing mechanically wrong with it, even hooking up a Raspberry Pi to run CUPS over USB didn't fix the issue -- because Brother explicitly refuses to publish drivers for the Raspberry Pi, and their inkjet drivers are proprietary.
I've since replaced it with the best-reviewed Epson printer I could find that supports a generic PCL driver, so that if Epson ever loses their minds in the way Brother did, I can fall back on an open-source implementation of good ol' PCL.
Linux/Cups. Postscript. Laser. Have never had a problem. Printers not working is a "put the logic in the Windoze driver" problem vs telling a good printer "Print this".
Sadly the consumer laser printer market is in decline and a couple of companies have already exited. I'm not sure how much longer they'll be available (new).
Home printing is a declining market overall, SMB printing has plateaued, and a lot of the die-hard laser printer users are moving away; because bringing big canisters of microplastics into one's home is less appealing than it once was.
I will talk shit about a lot of printers, but I've had a Brother workhorse laser for years. It's black and white. You tell it to print and it spits out pages. I don't know if they still make them that way but they used to be amazing at the very least.
You must be amazingly lucky. Bluetooth has been nothing but issues for me for 15 years of use, across a plethora of host and client devices, OSes, mobile and desktop, all Bluetooth versions, proprietary implementations (game controllers), cheap devices, expensive devices, ranges, etc. Bluetooth has improved a lot in the past 5 years, but it's still not good enough imo. A PS5 controller can't stay reliably connected to my steam deck that is docked by my TV while I am sitting on my couch, yet an Xbox controller with a wifi-based USB dongle works fine.
Get a Brother. My simple black and white laser printer has very strong "ME PRINT FOR YOU. ME PRINT! ME PRINT ALL PAGE FOR YOU" energy. The only beef we have is when he is all "NO PRINT. FEED ME PAPER" and then when fed he goes back to printing no problem.
An decent SLA 3d printer (which will be much more accurate than an FDM printer) can get down to feature sizes of 150 microns. A 300dpi paper printer is hitting about 85 microns, and that's not even a particularly high resolution printer.
In an omniverse of infinite dimensions and fundamental particles, there’d be no permutation of any that would permit whatever’s being represented in the comic to exist.