"Meritocracy"

Goddamn DEI administration

But seriously, they could fire all the straight white guys and things would actually run better.
- Not anymore. They fired every non white straight people. Government probably can't even flush the toilet on their own anymore.
DUI administration

I said I was going to be using this a lot...

you guys could have had Tim "Feed the kids" Walz instead of Mike "What's OpSec" Waltz

We obviously didn't deserve the good one.

Good thing we are abandoning that woke DEI bullshit and hire based on merit again! 🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷💪💪🦾

His best isn’t good enough

"Mike colors outside the lines, but doesn't eat the crayon. He does his best."

He would definitely eat the crayon if orange mussolini told him to
- Probably just a nibble tho

If that's his best then his resignation is as urgent as ever

But her emails though...

Has anyone mentioned Hunters laptop yet?

Whew, yep, its a tough job, but Petey's got a good head on 'im and rolls with the punches, somebody get that man a drink!

Err. Uh. I mean... Do we have O'Douls?

EDIT: Also, dear God, the sub headline:

Trump asked if hackers can break into Signal...

You might as well ask a dog what its favorite shade of red is.

I tell especially dumb children that are actively making mistakes that cost me time and money that they're doing their best and that's all that matters. It's a lie and I'm pretty sure they know it but somehow that's both a useful and reasonable reaction to have for the national security advisor.

Children, or people still learning for that matter, deserve to told “hey, you did your best and you’ve made some progress”. Allegedly competent adults that fuck up adding people to a group chat about something as important as this deserve to be beaten around the head with anything available. Not told “great job buddy. Have a lollipop for your hard work”.
- We embrace the idea of human foibles and errors while we're learning to do our work, when consequences are minor or contained. This is WHY we don't make highly advanced positions in companies open to just anyone.
  
  When you get to the point that you're making decisions about how you're going to spend millions of taxpayer dollars to end the lives of a group of people who are impacting the world, I would dearly hope that you have "completed" your training in life and are not making mistakes anymore, I would dearly hope that the people making these decisions have so much practice and experience in these operations that they wouldn't need a feel-better cookie for making a huge boo-boo.
  
  And yet here we are.

Guys, they’re not going to be batting 1000…. On anything. They’re going to be breaking A. LOT. of eggs, whilst not even trying to bat anywhere near 1000. That will be them doing their “best.”