The company is the heart of the software and it would not exist without the company most likely. True the execs get probably a larger share of any payments but it's just the way the world works. It's a piece of software produced by the company, not the developers.
Yes that is the sad reality of it, but I don't think it justifies sending money to the company in the first place. They're backed by VC and are already predisposed to screw you financially in the longrun. Why accelerate this with donations
Personally, Discord has facilitated a long distance relationship with my now wife, and nearly ten years of weekly TTRPG games. I don't mind the cost because they cannot provide that service for free forever, and I think it's worth it for what I get out of it. The other benefits they add for paying are almost just bonuses to me after that.
It cannot be overstated how much of a boon Discord's lack of friction is for connecting with people and forming communities. It is mind-flatteningly easy to get onto Discord and into a community, and while the content of those communities is woefully unindexed deep web, forever sequestered, the external discoverability of the communities themselves is exceptional.
You will not ever reach the same people with the same ease of use as Discord if you use a hosted alternative.
personally the $3 a month nitro is worth it for me, considering how much I use it. I know Lemmy hates anything capitalist but a coffee a month isnt that much