Programmer Humor @programming.dev irelephant [he/him]🍭 @lemm.ee 23h ago

STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE

transcript

A meme saying: "STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE"

Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed
C is a LETTER, not a language
Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN
"I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE

Look at what PROGRAMMERs have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS)

FUNNY COLORED LETTERS (with a picture of syntax-highlighted code)
178 COMPILATION ERRORS????? (with a picture of compilation errors
A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE (with a picture of a 3d rendered teapot.

IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGH IN DOING while(true{print(money);}

end transcript.

43 comments

Ah yes, let's forget that that image is created on a computer
Science? There's science behind the clusterfuck we call software nowadays?
- I think it's only getting worse. I always assumed the next generation will be more tech savvy than the last one. I had to learn windows/mac/dos when i grew up, just to play some video games. There was a lot of troubleshooting and hardware problems i had to figure out. When i was 25, people would tell me that their 5 year old can use their ipd better than they can. (Ipads just came out.) I thought these kids are gonna be computer wizards when they grow up. It was the absolute opposite. I talked to these kids when they were around 16 again, and they were absolutely clueless. If it wasn't an ipad or an app they could use, they might as well play with a piece of glass. Can you do ..... On an ipad? Hmm, what app is that? It's not an app is something you do, like a setting. Hmmm... I'll check the app store.
- Vaguely.
while 1 print money

Central banks obfuscate this code a bit, but its all about having the right printer hooked up.
Ok but that is actually a nonsensical statement. In no case will using threads and recursion reduce cpu usage
- Oh I can use threads and recursion to stop CPU usage.
- Maybe if the threads pause a lot, and pause even more as the stack unwinds to the final exciting conclusion.
  
  I suppose that's true. And also deranged to do it on purpose
I mean, the entirety of Steam's code could maybe be described as an obfuscated version of

while(true){ print(money); }
- Twitter is just a wrapper around a database.
  
  =P
Why are you trying to write python? Just get one from the pet shop!
- Don't understand why it takes people so long anyways, took me like 5 seconds to write it.
- Rust is even easier, you probably have some you aren't even using. Check in the bikeshed.
  
  Why are you writing Rust? Do you want to get tetanus?
A client with s very low budget wanted a solution for their filing. We suggested they could get more bang for their bucks with preprinted paper forms, pens and a cabinet than going for software. They were not amused.
- and if they want to go fancy and cheap, suggest excel.
I just tell people that I am a "professional button pusher"
- Knowing which buttons to push is the valuable part though.
  
  That's what diffs a professional button pusher from an amateur button pusher.
  When you know which buttons in which order get you money, you become a professional.
- I dont know where I heard this story but it was something like the following:
  
  In a company a very valuable machine breaks and becomes inoperable, so they call the support. They send a mechanic to fix the machine. The mechanic arrives inspects the machine, opens it, presses a button and it works as if nothing happened. The manager then asks why he is paying the mechanic just to press a button. The mechanic answers "you aren't paying me for pressing the button, but for knowing which button to press".
using threads to reduce cpu usage ? in what world ? if you can parallelize tasks you will always increase the workload done.
- they said optimize CPU usage, not reduce CPU usage. clearly they actually want to increase CPU utilization in this mysterious "0.02%" situation in order to get the results faster
We need more funding for RGB lit components for our programmers since this will make them better programmers
- I am able to get components with unwanted lighting all over the place, but none where lighting is desirable.
  
  Didn't ask for lighting in my fans, got them.
  
  Didn't ask for lighting on my motherboard, got it.
  
  Didn't ask to a blinding light in the power indicator of my monitor, which is brighter than the screen itself. Had to tape it up.
  
  Took a real while to find a cabinet without glass/acrylic stuff, because that's all people sell nowadays.
  
  Asked for a good backlit keyboard for a reasonable price. I had to make cutouts out of glow-in-the-dark stickers.
  
  RGB everywhere by default, but getting even a single coloured backlight on a keyboard ramps up the price like anything.
Yeah it's all propaganda, I like bashing a keyboard's keys due to sexual reasons.
What's the teapot?
Honestly I'm disappointed. The reasons exposed here are much too weak.
"Write it in a paper"...I'm not sure how that works but I am very curious
- Write so hard out of anger that you rip the paper.
- Just use a printer! It’s in the name!!!
- If you go back far enough, you'd be coding the ENIAC via punchcards.
  
  ... Or maybe today you could write code on paper and have an AI augmented OCR system try to run it?
Weimar Republic thought of exactly that
Developer here: can confirm. (#4 is actually true.)
- Indeed, anytime I optimize code, it ends up taking more CPU to run.

43 comments