I'm finding very little of this thread resonates with me. I have a toddler who I love and get to spend a whole day off with during the week. I still get to do my running, cycling, rock climbing. I get some reading done most nights.
I've mostly sacrificed video games and social life, but rock climbing is social and a happy child is far more rewarding than games.
There are sacrifices, but I don't feel like I've given up my life. Is this because I don't live in the USA?
At work, I was recently on one of the coffee-fetching breaks. Well, I actually fetched my trusty herbal tea. Then we met another guy at the coffee machine and they all started talking about how much coffee they drank. Eventually, they came to the conclusion that they were all addicted, because they had kids. And I just stood there with my trusty herbal tea, like yep, I don't have kids.
Stop giving into social pressure to have children.
If you truly want to, have the resources, & you're okay with making a lot of personal sacrifices, go for it.
But don't do it just because it's "expected of you" or anything else people say to try and guilt you into it. It will end up making everyone involved miserable.
The thing about kids is they make you notice aging. They grow up fast but you realize you still are too.
Hunching over in your 20s vs your 30s can be a big feel.
On one hand, kids are great. They can come with a ton of joy and rewarding experiences. However, they are also exhausting, expensive, and will sometimes push you to the point where you'll seriously wonder if you made a huge mistake.
I have three kids and I love them very much. I wouldn't want to be without any of them but I don't blame anyone for not wanting to have any. Being a parent is incredibly hard work.
Having a child literally rewires your brain and pumps you full of hormones which make you believe that having a baby is the most wonderful thing in the world. Parents go on and on about "you can't understand until you do it!" Which absolutely makes sense because theres no other way to get that specific neurotransmitter cocktail. But that experience isn't objective reality any more than taking acid is. Therefore parents are arguably the worst people to speak objectively about the experience of parenthood. They are just too close to the subject. I feel like I am a much more objective observer of their experience, and it looks pretty awful to me.
Simply - Misery loves company.
There is no "Fair" when you become a parent.
Parents who hate parenting misses their old selfish lives. Being a (good) parent means you no longer can be selfish and your life is no longer about you.
That might seem grim, but what you get in return is a little human that looks up at you. That holds your hands because you are their world to them.
Let go of your selfish lives and learn to enjoy your new selfless life.
It’s all a bit of a cope, deep down there is this primal call that isn’t easily shrugged off. Well for some at least. I know that it will get stronger for me and stronger with each year.
I am not saying the purpose of humans nowadays is to make children nor that we should be reduced to such concepts but… it’s not easy to escape millions of years of evolution. It is definitely going against everything that screams "multiply" deep down and that will take mental health toll
I want us to go beyond this but it’s been a blink in the history, no one had time to accommodate to 21 century yet, it will take generations of turmoil and natural selection for new Homo sapiens sapiens novus to emerge
