What's a good way to break the ice with your doctor right before a colonoscopy?

I'm not sure whether or not this was supposed to be a joke post, but I recently had a colonoscopy, and everyone was super nice and fully aware that this was an embarrassing procedure, so they did their best to make it as pleasant as you can be in a surgical waiting area.

I felt myself falling asleep, then seemingly immediately blink awake. I said, "Doc, I don't think the anesthesia is working," and he said, "Ha, no man, we're done."

Like you said, the prep was the worst part. There is no joy in daily living without food.
- Same here. I've been put under twice and both times it basically just felt like a longer than normal blink and I felt a little slow afterwords.
- I woke up in the middle of mine, got to watch the second half. Was interesting, but it probably helps to still be under the after effects ify the anyways. But definitely, there prep is worse than the actual procedure.
Mine too! Then i said, "It wasn't that bad. I can't believe i stressed over it for so long," and he said, "Yep! You should have come in 32 years ago." And that was the most uncomfortable part of it.
- The prep was awful. That was the part I really hated. Being so damn hungry.
I work in Radiology, and have to do Barium enemas, frequently. As much as we love the humor, we strive to keep it medical, with patients. We all know it sucks, can feel embarrassing, etc, but we're just trying to get the job done with the best pictures. Your physical body is kind of secondary to what our goal is.
- Does it help if you say its Very Berry Barium?
  
  (I think Very Berry Beryllium alliterates better)
It was both a joke and my real life. I hope I have a similar experience. I'm a virgin after all... for this anyway.

"You won't find anything. The IRS was pretty thorough."

Ha. Good one. Take my upvote and thank you for your service.

I lost my wallet, keep an eye out please.

Alternatively.

"If you happen to see a Standing Liberty silver dollar from 1885 while you're spelunking, I've absolutely no idea how it got there. But could you try to get it out?"
- "25¢" in sharpie.

Ask them if they'll be shooting in hidef 4k or IMAX.

"After this can you write a note for my wife to tell her my head is not, in fact, up my ass?"

"My safe word is pineapple"

Ross Matthews!
Is that a common joke? Some people at work just told me that their safe word is pineapple.
- Whos joking? But yeah it is haha

You're going to want to avoid looking like a huge ass. I'd avoid jokes that shit on their career choice.

Bravo.

With your rectum. The man sees you crush a piece of ice with that sphincter, you command some respect for the rest of the procedure.

Put a joke on a post it note and place it between your butt cheeks.

The pros laminate it and insert it about 12 inches.

Stick a lightbulb in your butt. There's a good episode of scrubs they can watch if they don't know how to get it out.

If you still can’t figure it out, ask the janitor.
- The janitor hates me still for some prank involving pennies in the door... IDK, but it wasn't me!
That doesn't sound like a bright idea.

Call me a good girl, daddy.

The genders will be the other way around, but I like the cut of your jib.

Tell him sorry you ate some bad Indian (or some other spicy food known for loose bowls) food last night.

They'd probably cancel the appointment if I said that, not gonna wait another 3 months to try to book my favorite activity.

Thumb war it is.

Ask them if they're going to buy you dinner first.

Ask them what their Twitch handle is because your friends want to watch the live-stream.

Colonoscopy is easy, it's endoscopy that felt like near dear experience (I didn't take the sedative= fail). Worth it though. Also the Dr's and techs were far to busy talking about the next hairpin bend like they were rally driving. The satnav on the screen shows how far the scope has gone, I shit you not it really looks like the old Nokia snake gane. And when you have nitrous gas it all becomes very funny.

"40 left 2 over turd don't cut"
- Hehe, it's hairpin bends that feel a bit weird.
I once woke up during an upper endoscopy. It wasn't a pleasant experience. The anesthesiologist noticed pretty fast though and put me back out.
- Ouch. I did the whole thing without anaesthetic, but didn't want to. I can't stand needles but thought I would have gas+air for the upper endoscopy! (only gave me gas for the Colonoscopy, but it felt nice to get high after being choked with the snake torch).
  
  But holy shit it was terrifying, never doing that again.