I saw a horrible gift get thwarted by a game shop owner who thankfully gave a shit. 40ish year old woman was shopping for her son, "oh Superman 64? Is that a good one?"
Dude didn't mince words. Told her flat out it was the worst game on the 64
My mother told family I was into geology which I wasn't, so for my ninth bitrhday I got books about rocks and the hugest fucking hammer.
The hammer felt a little bit cool until I tried it and it was completely useless on the granit which is the only rock in the region, the only thing happening was leaving marks on the stone and shoot mini splinters in the eyes. Totally unuseful for anything else.
Like this but bigger (in my memory, i was only 9), and also cheaper (black head, cheap wood handle):
On any given year odds are that my birthday sucked. Growing up it was during holiday break so no bringing cupcakes to school. 2 days after Christmas, care to guess how many kids want to attend a birthday party? Birthday presents were almost always an afterthought combined with Christmas.
I am a huge Star Wars fan so when Carrie Fisher passed away on December 27th, 2016, that was an especially shitty birthday.
There have been uears when my parents have forgotten my birthday entirely.
All that aside, my wife threw me my first and only surprise birthday party for my 40th. It was Star Wars themed including food she made from the Galaxy's Edge cookbook she had given me for Christmas. That year I got a Kenner power (Gonk) droid still in the original packaging (with Venture price sticker still on it), which my mom had somehow saved since I was a kid. She also gave me all of my old Star Wars action figures she had been saving for me, unknown to me. And I also received an original Rancor and the box it came in from a friend.
That one almost made up for all the others before and since. I've learned the best way to have a good birthday is to set the lowest of expectations.
I do now understand the financial problems my family had at the time, but for a child it still was a major bummer. Nevermind me being an only and a Christmas child.
Being poor and lonely made Christmas the worst time of the year: no real celebrations like other kids have and my friends were spending time with their families. It was always the loneliest holiday.
I don't hold any resentment to my parents, they did what they could with what they had and they weren't bad people ultimately.
I still don't like Christmas, but my SO does make it something to look forward to. I like thinking of little gifts to get them and watch their reaction. This year I made several oversized t-shirts for sleeping with vinil prints of our cats. It's cheesy as fuck, but in a good way. I like getting gifts as well tho 😅.
My dad won box tickets to the last 49er game at candlestick through some radio contest. All expenses paid, bunch of merch, got to meet some players, whole VIP package. Happened to be that the last game at the stadium was a few days after my birthday and a couple days before Christmas. I even happen to live in the area while he was flying out from Texas.
He got me a card with $20 in it and took his mom, stepdad, and ex wife with him to the game. Killed himself about 8 months later. Thanks pop.
I always win this question hands down; my really big asshole NPD of a MIL gave me her very used and threadbare bathrobe as a present. Made a big point of telling me it was hers and she was going to give it to the Catholic thrift shop she volunteered at but then thought it would be a gift for me. It was only fit for the garbage can and had holes in it.
But giving people random trash is a thing she likes to do because she likes to be provocative and "stick poking" in the therapy description. She gave her only grandchild an old vitamin bottle filled with dish soap and a bubble wand she found on the ground in the park. No spending one whole dollar on her only grandchild, oh no, let's just give her some garbage. And for my BIL who golfed, she walked the public golf course every day and picked up discarded golf tees, chipped and stained and half broken, filled a sandwich bag with them, and that was his present.
She likes to pretend she's very poor but she's not, and giving her family literal garbage is her way of trying to provoke a fight because she likes nothing better than to provoke a fight. That's the only Christmas present she wants is to upset people and make them angry at her.
I have a zillion other horrible stories of her, but you get the gist.
I've lucked out and haven't gotten anything that bad. My mother in law is weirdly obsessed with making sure everyone gets the exact same number of gifts so sometimes I get some truly random junk lol. She got me (or maybe my wife) a Toy Story 3 Pizza Planet branded Pizza... Maker? Idk. Imagine a waffle iron but for pizza. We have an oven. Idk. I guess it's for college kids in dorms without full kitchens? We just don't have the counter space for it. It's sat in the box. Our kitchen is very tiny. We already have a bunch of counter top appliances and don't have room for another. And why take it out of the box when we have an oven?
Not me but I was at a New Years Eve white elephant party where everyone brought something they were gifted but didn't want. Someone who had a relative that owned a video rental store (yeah 90's) brought a promotional press packet for a Steve Martin/Goldie Hawn movie. B&W glossy photos of the stars, photocopied excerpts of the script, bunch of crap stuffed into a cardboard folder. So basically they gifted their high end junk mail. As for me I got a flamingo costume
As a depressed 16 year old boy I received a self help book from my mother. I was offended. Never opened the book. Like in hindsight I guess she thought I needed help and the book would somehow do that, but all I saw was that my mother thought something was wrong with me.
My sister gifted me the third book of a fantasy trilogy series once.
I never read or got the first two books.
Also, when I was little, my grandma (who hated me with passion) bought me a pink bike just to piss me off, because she thought a boy wouldn't ever like that color. I rode that bike until I was too tall to use it and every time she saw me enjoying that thing she was furious. :)
My mom once gave me a cat litter scoop like this one
in my Christmas stocking. This was not, to my knowledge, in the context of a conversation about needing to clean up after the cat more often, but for all I know it was her way of subtly trying to get the point across.
A few years ago I went to visit my mom around Christmas, I picked her up and we were heading over to my grandmas. On the way, while my 1 year old is screaming in the back seat, she asked if she could run into a store on the way.
When we got to my grandmas she gave me the bag that she had just bought, store logo on it and everything, no hiding a thing, that contained 1 roll of camouflage themed duct tape, and a pack of trash bags.
I had told her earlier in the year that I was using trash bags and duct tape to block the windows in my garage while I was doing some renovations in there, and so she got me trash bags and duct tape, almost a year later...
I still appreciate that she got me anything at all and there was at least a thought behind it even if I don't understand that thought.
I asked my Aunt for R.E.M. at the height of their popularity. She gave me an old REO speedwagon album that had none of their hits on them. All in all, that's the worst, so i've done very well.
A coffee grinder. It just doesn't grind coffee beans to the right size.
A random Italian cookbook. I have a chefs degree. I'm well down with basic Italian cooking.
See, I cook every day. Twice. And on occasion I love to cook for friends but that also means I'm over poor quality cooking stuff. I'll buy my own gear. Most people think they do me a favour but I just have useless stuff piling up over the years. I'm grateful to get gifts but last year I just told people right a way that if they want to give me cooking related gifts I would be equally happy with some special sort of salt of some fun ingredients to cook with. Those things don't last as long but it would make for a much better gift for a food enthousiast.
A fruit roll up. Some time a few months before christmas, my sister and I were fighting over the last fruit roll up in the box. She got it initially, but I got it in the end. She put it in several boxes Matryoshka style, added weight making it seem heavier, wrapped it, and put it under the tree. Imagine my surprise, after going through several layers to find that fruit roll up. Worst. Christmas. Ever.
This isnt technically a present, but my girlfriend stored a christmas present in the loft of the garage over my car. She accidentally dropped it while getting it down to give it to me and put a ski through my windshield.
We had an optional secret santa in 5th grade, meaning no kid was forced to participate if they didn't want to. It ran the month of December, you were supposed to give 1 gift a week. The first week I got nothing. The second week I got a single marble. The 3rd week I got a single pencil. The 4th and final week I got a tin of Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies. As a 5th grader, it was the biggest fucking letdown, especially when all the other kids were getting candy, toys, etc, every week.
My aunt only ever knew one thing about me, that I grew up liking Harry Potter. First I got all the books, split across two years. Then I got all the movies as they came out, up to the 5th one. After that I was apparently too old for her to know what I liked, I got a gift card to a gas station for 3 years in a row. I mean hey $20 in gas wasn't a totally awful thing as a late teenager, so I guess it could have been worse.
When I was younger and foolish, I agreed to help my boss feel a staffing void for a month and a half, which involved at least 20 hours of extra work. I was on salary, so of course it was unpaid overtime. My boss gave me a bonus of $50. That alone is kind of messed up, but my boss should have given me a raise, because it was the end of the year and that's when raises ought to be given, and instead of giving me a raise they gave me that $50 bonus.
I took the money, but I immediately lost all respect for my boss and stopped caring about that job. It was a good lesson, though. Don't work unpaid overtime, and expect your boss to shaft you, because they can take home the money that ought to be going into your wallet, if you let them.
I went to my family Christmas with my then-partner. I got a Grinch onesie from my family
We then attended my partner's family Christmas where basically the entire living room was stuffed with presents for the kids (my partner and their siblings). My then-partner complained about how the siblings all got more $$ worth of presents. I pointed out that I got a pair of pjs for Christmas. The reply: "it's not about the dollar amount, it's just they got more than me" (paraphrased)
I hated that present. A fucking onesie? It was such a disappointing present, and for a long time I used it as an example for questions just like this
I kept it and wore it. Eventually I lost the bitterness and started to cherish it even. Which is why I still wear it regularly this time of year! It's quite warm.. plus, it has pockets!
Too small clothes so I'd be excited to go on a diet and lose weight... as an already very sick underweight teen with an eating disorder who wasn't a wize zero "but you'll get there"
Paulo Cohelo's garbage books to "help me with my constant depression that keeps bringing everyone down and you like books, no?"
Stuffed animal toy thay was first intended for a baby shower but the mom didn't want it so "why should it go to waste if you can have it as a birthday present"
Plastic surgery offering as a sweet sixteen present "so you can feel beautiful"
Professional acne treatment (Accutane) as a birthday present because "Oh you poor thing need it"
A used and stained old yellow blouse "because it will make you look happier" I hate yellow.
And the list goes on lol. That was growing up and it is one of the many reasons why I am no contact with all of those people.
Now as an independent adult in a stable loving relaionship surrounded by nice genuine friends, I actually get very thoughtful and beautiful gifts. Some expensive, some with no monetary cost.
She receives an envelope from her grandmother, oh cool, money!
She opened it and it was empty. Okay, no fuss she probably forgot to fill one when making all of them for the family.
A week later, she told her grandma it was empty. Her grandma replied "No! There's no way it was empty, your mistaken." This is par for the course. She ignores my wife all the time and talks down to her.
My parents got me a cheap set of tools, pliers, screw drivers, level and a wood burner with no wood to burn at 10. My brother got a gameboy SP and Pokémon.
Two years later I got an electric shaver and Cologne. I didn't start growing facial hair until 17 and didn't have enough to need more than one pass with a razor until 26. Still have the Cologne, it's not awful but it's also not a smell that works for me.
14 I got a store made cake and $20. I can't eat the cake, the frosting makes my face hurt and that's been a problem since I was 5 so they know I can't eat the cake.
Basically, I didn't get a present for me until I met my wife at 30.
My mom's boyfriend got me this huge present that just fit under the tree, the gift was pretty heavy. I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was, had no idea. Got to be honest i was a little hyped up to open this thing, even though my opinion of the boyfriend was average
Christmas day I finally get to find out what it is. open the box and it was a Microwave; a second hand microwave. He had replaced his, wasn't even a good microwave (5 minutes to boil a cup of water) Mom already had a microwave and i was 14 years old.
I was deployed and got a box from my home unit that was basically just trash. I think it was supposed to be funny, but it was just a lot of scrap paper thrown into a box. Nothing written on them that was for me. Nothing to signal anything. Just a big box of trash that could have been nothing more than the recycling bin upended into it.
Wooden plaque that had the words "I swear it was clean yesterday." From my dad.
I'm not one for impractical clutter. And my dad could be very judgemental. Why I would want an ugly handmade plaque that would imply I was messy, lazy, and dishonest about it?
I was given 30 quarters that had letters and numbers on each one in a black velvet pouch. If you put them in a certain order, it had a message. The quarters went in year order. The message was a Bible passage according to Matthew. It was when Judas was given 30 silver for betraying Jesus.
The context, I told one of our friends that the gifter was trying to get with his wife while he was deployed. He denied and then made me feel like shit to insinuate such a thing. Turns out, it was true.
I still have the quarters so I could give them back some day.
I had an aunt and uncle who, when I was a kid maybe 12, were not well off. They got my brother and I each this toyset that was like make pretend welding. It had a hand tool that, if I remember, let you weld with this soft plastic to make things with the parts in the kit.
It also had a chamber near the nozzle that spun and contained something that made a bunch of sparks.
Well... The thing kept zapping and burning me. Kinda hurt. So, being 12, I complained about it.
And of course, I was an ingrate for not liking the toy they could afford instead of a Lego set or something. The worst of it was I got what my parents meant, my aunt and uncle were kind of ashamed. But it burned me.
Hell I thought it was really cool, and even said so, but I couldn't keep playing with it due to, you know, my hand being red and kinda cut up.
Just bad times all around.
And no, no one suggested put a glove on, and it did not come with one.
Someone sent me what they referred to as a self-help DVD that was just some motivational speaker type of person invalidating my issues. A virus in the DVD also temporarily destroyed my friend's DVD player in the process of playing it.
My sister wanted me to be the Godfather to her children. She considered it a "gift."
I'm an atheist. I told her explicitly "Hey, you remember I'm an atheist, right?" Part of this whole Godfather business is making a promise to raise them religiously if their parent dies. I thought I was being considerate and kind by being honest that I did not want to be a Godfather because I could not in good conscience make such a promise.
Nope, I'm the bad guy, not the person who knew I was atheist and decided to not respect that at all anyway by asking me to be a Godfather to begin with.
First of all, even before Christmas I said I'd prefer NO GIFTS at all. Regardless, my dad got me some inkjet HP printer. I thanked him for it, but asked him that we'd return it. I tried to be respectful, but regardless, he got mad at me and didn't talk with me for like 2 days.
Later he sent me the money for it and asked me to buy something for it and show him what it was. I do not know why I couldn't just keep it as extra money, but oh well, it had to be spent on something.
I got a refurbished ThinkPad for that. Pretty good device, by far beating value of HP inkjet. I even got it with a 2 year warranty (without extended) like with a new device, while only 1 year is required.
So I’m a trans guy and as a kid I was very obviously masculine, stereotypical tomboy. One of my aunts that married into the family gave me, maybe around age 5-7, a toy makeup kit. To this day I don’t know wtf she was thinking, because it wasn’t like she never met or saw me. Was it thoughtless or passive aggressive? Who can say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The gift of world peace. It was granted to me in lieu of the PS2 I wanted by my fairy godmother. Needless to say I held my breath until she finally relented, and took it back. She gave me a PS2 and I close the curtains and put on headphones a lot when I'm at home.
Top three would be my weird Christmas 'bonuses' from a previous employer. In order of weirdness: some fake notes (representing the companies record profits that year), a single bike pedal, and finally a spanner which had been spray painted orange.
Years ago my father in law gave me a Costco sized flat of Nanaimo bars. Like just wrapped it and that was that. I was so bummed as I thought it was a big coffee table book. I ended up cutting them all in half and freezing them, so we had treats through the year. My husband and I still joke about it. As we passed them in Costco last week he suggested I return the favour.
I've always been a computer/theatre nerd. When I was a teen my parents bought me a bike. I did not express nor have any interest in a bike, but I'm sure my mom felt I needed to go outside more and spend less time on the computer. A week or two later while upset at me about something else she complained that I haven't even used my new bike yet.
I think the "worst" thing I ever got was a VR headset. It wasn't a bad present per say and I really liked it at the time but unfortunately the VR space died pretty fast and it was completely useless soon after I got it.
Edit: it was a headset where you put your phone inside, I should have said that first
In middle school, there was this one super unpopular girl that gifted me acne medication for Christmas.... Unprompted. We weren't even friends and yes, I had acne problems like most teens did.
I never bullied anyone in my life before and since, but I did that year.... This was why she was so unpopular. The year after, she called 1 of the 2 only black kids the N word, got her ass kicked and either removed or expelled from school.
I have no idea why anyone would go around picking fights, especially with no friends to begin with. Before anyone asks, no, no mental health issues.
Edit: I also wasnt "popular" and had very little friends too. I mean, it wasnt right either way to turn bully either but I was young
My mother got me Rogaine for my birthday last year. Pretty rude and uncalled for I felt but now I've stopped cutting it and have the longest hair I've ever had so I guess she hit a nerve with that one