As a former travelling worker, I ate a significant portion of my meals alone at a restaurant, never thought it could be perceived as weird before these memes started floating around reddit
I usually just chalk those memes up to teenagers who overthink everything or socially immature people. I often decompress at lunch by leaving the office and grabbing a meal alone somewhere.
I’m kinda reminded of that Kurzgesagt video on loneliness. The video talked about how people who experience loneliness begin to pay more attention to other’s expressions but interpret them incorrectly as negative.
I never heard anything about it as a teenager but both get to hear people's opinions and have them try to force themselves into joining me 'so I won't be alone' as an adult.
Definitely extroverts projecting.
I have seen people express how weird they find people wanting to eat alone occasionally throughout my life, and even had some volunteer to eat with me "so I wouldn't be alone". When I say that I wanted to eat alone, they expressed genuine concern that it is weird to not want company. If I let them sit and talk then they feel good about themselves and leave me alone for a bit.
Honestly the pressure I got from being pestered about eating alone ended with me just eating lunch at my desk and I absolutely love work from home. Going out with coworkers once a month was plenty. They are fun and all, but most times I just want eating to be when I take a break from other people.
Depending on your situation, a big fuck off size pair of noise cancelling headphones (or if budget doesn't allow, just headphones that looks noise cancelling), and being as absorbed into your screen as possible usually works. When I eat lunch on my own, I sometimes even furiously type out a long winded rambling and incomprehensible email to myself to make it look like I'm super busy. The people who see eating by yourself as a bad or concerning thing usually don't see treating lunch as a work catch-up hour as a bad thing
I still do and prefer it. I also go to bars by myself on and off. A buddy of mine would decline going to lunch with anyone else so he could go decompress. About once a week he'd come back bitching because someone would go into an empty restaurant and sit as close to him as possible.
My favorite story of his complaining (rightfully so in my opinion) is where he went to a restaurant with benches around the perimeter and sat in the corner far from the only other customer there. He hadn't been there two minutes before some woman came and sat on the bench seat closest to him and started asking him about the book he was reading and generally making small talk. He got so pissed that he ate in his truck for weeks instead of sitting down in a restaurant.
I think she was badly trying to flirt and didn't have the situational awareness to understand that he was trying to get away. He thinks she didn't want to look like she was eating alone and didn't care that she was intruding on a stranger.
I don't think there's anything wrong with offering to sit with somebody who's eating by themselves (although I myself do prefer to be left alone while I eat, too), but Jesus Christ fucking ask first it's not hard. "Hey, mind if I sit here?". See? Done. That's all it takes. 6 words. Just expect that you might get a no, and that that's okay. Also, don't ask after you've already sat down, or while you're half sitting already
I once spent a week on a project with a colleague who's, let's say, kinda intense... You know smart guy and hard worker, but he always wanted to have the last word, whenever you explained something he never really believed you until he tried himself... Whatever, his work was ok, but as a person he was really exhausting. He left the customer's before I did, the first evening I was alone I was so people-tired that I didn't even go to the restaurant (it was in the hotel!), I stopped for groceries at a supermarket and ate in my room!
That just sounds super boring. I’d rather get it to go and watch tv or something.
Advice I've given my wife and my kids. Never make plans with anyone to do anything that you aren't happy to do alone.
Dinner? I'll eat alone
Movie? I'll watch it alone
Wife isn't in the mood? I'll just lay in bed and beat it next to her.
Hiking trip? Alone in nature is great.
Worst case scenario you still get to go have fun. Middle case, next time that person asks about doing something you get to remind them about all the fun you had without them.
Some hikes shouldn't be done alone.
Also this seems like it's gearing you towards selfish thinking which can set you up to be more isolated and lonely as a person.
I gear towards joining in things that others I like the company of want to do. I get to hang out with them while doing some activity, and they get to enjoy that activity. Of course, if I'm going to invite someone to something, it's most often going to be something I can enjoy myself. If it requires others I just check with my friends on who's interested and do followups with them to reduce barriers and increase their chances of making it.
That sounds like gearing yourself towards needing the validation of others to enjoy anything.
I'm not saying always do things alone, I'm saying make plans with the knowledge that the other participants might not show up. I'm not going to plan something that is reliant on others to happen, others could be there or might not, I'll still go on the activity
I don't go places with people for social validation. I do it because doing those things by myself is incredibly boring.
One of my first jobs was at a movie theater, back when you had to physically splice film reels together. Doing so meant you had to watch the whole thing for quality assurance…so I saw every new film at 0300 in an empty theater and it was fantastic. Going to a movie with other people around feels weird and cramped
How I saw all the lotr films
She said on the internet, asking others to normalize it rather than just doing it herself without seeking validation.
i upvote therefore i validate
"Normalize dining alone."
"No you're wrong, you should normalize dining alone."
The sentiment in question is a response to someone else being weirded out and posting it online.... No one is seeking validation lol they're asserting that it's normal.
People who act creepy and take videos or pictures of someone out doing something alone and posting it online are the weird ones.
This context should be obvious
Context doesn't matter when lonely people are seeking a dopamine hit through a false sense of moral / intellectual superiority.
Bad takes drive engagement and the dopamine hits from engagement makes life under hyper atomized late stage capitalism slightly less depressing.
Sir. This is a Wendy's.
It's not that I can't do these things alone. It's that I'd rather have someone there with me.
Very clearly not the point op is making at all
Like, the point they're making and your comment are completely unrelated
As OP, I am blown away at how many commenters are missing the point.
I would go even further. I enjoy things much more, when I can share the experience with others. I could go out alone, yes, but why should I?
I hear you and definitely agree that many activities are more fun with company, but if I only did things when I had someone to do those things with, I'd never get to do anything, definitely never anything new. Why should I let the lack of companions prevent me from having the experience?
For example, I wanted to go crabbing, but none of my friends wanted to go, so I decided to go on my own, and got to share the experience with the other people out crabbing on the pier, and even exchanged phone numbers with one of them, so now I have someone to go with next time. I used to go out alone to bars, concerts, festivals, etc., all the time and always made new friends, in fact for a while I preferred doing some of those solo so that I could just totally get lost in the moment.
Come to Japan. Here, they have all sorts of seating at places specifically for people to be alone.
You're making me want to book that plane ticket even more. The main thing I'm struggling with is deciding where I would go. If you don't mind me asking, any favorite locations or cities?
Tokyo obviously, but the dotonburi (spelling?) market of Osaka is a must see. I’d also recommend Nintendo land at universal studios if you grew up in the 90s with those games, it’s incredible. And in terms of “plan before you buy the tickets” the Miyazaki museum is sold out months in advance, so many people will try to a reservation there before getting flights and hotels if they’re fans.
Aside from that, the deer in Nara are pretty special and it’s just a day trip from Osaka. And if you’re in the mood for something somber but incredible, Hiroshima is beautiful and the museum is incredible.
Sure! I'll go with what my friends recommended as well, since I haven't travelled to all of the locations I want to go yet. Tōkyō is of course pretty bustling, and has a lot. Kyōto, Ōsaka, and Nara (i.e. the Kansai region) are all close to one another, so it's a good area to visit and sightsee. Although, it can get incredibly crowded with tourists. Other places people mention they like are Sapporo in Hokkaidō, and maybe Fukuoka in Kyūshū. Also, what the other commenter mentioned is good advice. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.
Disagree on all of this y'all sound mad tone deaf.
Some people had bad parents, some had none, some hit the age of 21 with no actual adult to learn from.
People need information and affirmation and support. Stop being the judgey fucks you're preaching don't exist out there. If nobody is that judgemental then let them ask on the safety and confidential internet you fuckin goblins
But this is in support of those people. The tweet is responding to people who believe these behaviors are something that is considered worthy of judgement, and are advocating that they should be exempted. This tweet is instead saying they already are and have been. So no validation has ever been needed, and if you felt otherwise, you were wrong. So you can feel free to do this and likely other things you felt self-conscious about because nobody cares.
let them ask on the safety and confidential internet
Can't tell if you're being facetious or not.
I found it deeply uncomfortable that there's people who take the direction of an online community and base their real life actions upon it. making choices about their relationships, marriages, csaeeere, health and so on.
For every grain of truth or solid perspective given there are 10 which are pointless or unproductive and ar least a couple which were wrong or dangerous.
None of this is real, its tiny snapshots in a moment of time, stripped of all context but preserved.
I used to go to restaurants alone and I the last time I did it the waitress/owner started asking what I do and gave me the impression that she felt sorry for me.
Now it has been a while that I didn't go. It wasn't because of her but it I feel like it.
I think people are sleeping on the power of "The Shrug"™️
Whenever someone is asking why are you not following the societal norm, just 🤷 Don't explain yourself, let them try to rationalize to you why the norm is good actually. Then you can finish them with "Okay?" followed by another shrug.
Works every time.
I always see movies alone. Preferably early in the day in a deserted theatre if possible. Movies are very much a ‘me time’ activity. I go at least twice a week with my unlimited movie pass.
It’s just not needed to drag someone else along, especially if they aren’t as interested in the movie to begin with.
I know it's the wrong take, but I read this as "Spend money you lonely bastard. Don't address your problems, consume."
Yep, you're right it is the wrong take. I would suggest a little inward thought as this seems like a pretty toxic thought pattern.
Going to restaurants and movies gets expensive fast. If it's just me, there's no way I'm burning through my disposable income on that stuff.
Unless I'm traveling for work I don't really want to go to the movies or restaurants alone. Living room and takeout is better.
I don't go to the movies at all, fuck that industry - and I say that as someone who met his wife working at a movie theater. But restaurants, I eat solo all the time. There are dozens of us!
It's strange to me that this would be news to anyone. That said, as someone who has had so many wild experiences all alone, I eventually had the epiphany that none of it matters if you have noone to share it with.
I am several decades old and I still have to remind myself I'm allowed to go have fun by myself.
It is normal. Just do it. People who have an issue with this are creating their own problems. It's a YOU problem.
Going to restaurants alone is one of my favourite things. All the same food and drink, but you can just enjoy it quietly and not have to keep up with conversation.
The only thing you’ll regret about going to a movie solo is not doing it sooner. It’s liberating.
only problem is there's still other people there.
I used to live in a small town with a cheap historical monoplex about 15 minutes walk from my apartment. I’d just check what was playing on my drive home from work all week and if I was interested I’d walk over on the weekend and see a $10 showing of something. I’ve never been much of a moviegoer but it was really nice. Literally the only nice part of living there except the 15 minute commute to the job I had. Round here though it’s just not worth going to a movie alone
On the other hand, I'm autistic and have no frame of reference for some of the things I want to do. How can I just show somewhere alone without knowing the social norms?
Most people aren't paying any attention to you at all. Unless you're being loud or making a lot of quick movements they probably don't even notice you beyond the generic recognition that another person is present.
As long as you aren't talking to yourself loudly in the theater or eating popcorn at a volume comparable to the Dolby, literally nobody will fucking care. In both cases, the solution is to close your god damned mouth.
They aren't asking for permission. They are asking for attention.
I've been going out alone to all kinds of places for years. Nobody blinks an eye.
One time I went alone to a restaurant on Valentine's Day and somebody paid for my meal. I wasn't even lonely.
Eh, went to my first concert by myself. Lost my spot when I had to pee and got to watch my favorite band from side stage.
There’s nothing stopping you from asking another adult from taking a picture of you without your phone held up in the middle of it like a caveman brandishing the first burning branch.
The restaurant one makes sense. Don't wanna get your food poisoned when you need to walk away to use the bathroom.
I want to go to the comfy movies but all the seating is loveseat couches. I might have to share that with a stranger. So anyways I heard WoW is good again?
The ones I go to have armrests that fold down. No need to share with others.
Ooh so I can pretend they don't exist. I like that.
raises head
"Money"
puts head back down
there is literally nothing stopping you.
Except my obligations. I'm a parent with kids, so if I want to go somewhere alone, I need to get my SO on board and/or get a babysitter.
I know this is targeted at single people, but single people also have obligations and preferences that stop them from doing things alone.
”I’m gonna go watch this movie you don’t care about”
“Cool”
“Bye”
It’s not complicated and works both ways.
Yup, my SO does that sometimes, especially for Marvel movies because I'm tired of them.
I'm married and eat alone regularly on work trips.
As do I. I guess it has never been a big deal to me?
Ok, breeder
Going to a spa alone is just weird tho. That feels like a couples or group thing
Only if you care. I went to the local spa alone a number of times to have a decompression day in particularly stressful periods, never thought twice about it.
What? I feel the opposite you have big tourist energy when you show up there with a group, couples sure but I feel the spa is closer to a doctor visit or a haircut. You need the whole gang there?
From a business perspective, any customers please
