Attorney General Nominee Matt Gaetz Requests to Be Sworn in on Epstein's Little Black Book

Not believable; Epstein died over 5 years ago. All the girls in that book are way too old for Gaetz by now.

You're not supposed to report actual news Onion!

Fuck me, I almost ate the onion, too. I read it, and for a second honestly believed that, yeah, he would do that as a “I got away with everything” flex.