Small things. Sounds. The temperature of the air. The fact that my side isn't hurting right now. The kids costumes who were just trick or treating at my house.
I really love seeing a well curated list, and that's a well curated list.
if only our lives were the only thing we focused on
I was just about to write “by lowering the bar”, but I like your version more.
still on the topic of small things that bring happiness: coffee in the morning, listening the air on the trees, the birds, nature in general, food (good food, not processed, made by you) good friends, good talks, walks.
Happiness is fleeting, like other emotions, it comes and goes. Focusing on it is like chasing a wave.
Understanding your own values and what you find meaningful is essential for moving through life, because we're not in control. Stuff happens, and we get to deal with it.
Eating people. Eating family and friends, eating vagrants, eating the needy. Some people can even taste the camaraderie of the people they work with.
It comes down to eating people and if you have trouble just eat people. You know what they say hungry people eat people.
You don’t find happiness. It comes and goes. Imagine being happy all the time; it would just become normal. You need non happy times to appreciate the happy times.
As someone that is either very happy or very sad, I find happiness in my hobbies. I need my mind to be occupied to pass the time, but then there is the thought I’m just waiting to die and passing time.
Hobbies that make me happy are:
- Indoor bouldering (rock climbing) is the only thing I’ve found that lets me escape the constant train of thought and be in the moment. It’s a nerdy hobby as lots of problem solving mixed with strength training.
- Running
- Rubiks cube
- Lego
- Cross stitch
- Paint by numbers
- 3D printing
- learning
- many more but this is getting long.
As someone who is down a lot of the time and has ADHD but stopped the meds as the side affects were worse than living with ADHD; I’ve found that routine is a massive thing required to be content with life. Consistent bed time and wake time. I am not a morning person but after 18 months of waking at 07:30 or 06:00, depending on if I’m taking the train to work, that I now wake up a few minutes before my alarm quite often; I’m still tired and I hate it but it gets easier.
Spending time with other people is key too. I find if I’m down it’s usually cause I’ve been alone a lot (which I love) and that can be bad for me so I’ll go see friends even if I don’t want to just to engage.
Luckily I can spot when I’m spiralling. I have an urge to fire up Minecraft and live vicariously through Steve and shut out the world.
Gratitude and helping others
No
Anarchy and helping others
All three
Kind of surprised no one has mentioned it... But kids. Kids bring a lot of happiness.
It depends.
For a lot of adults, I would agree that they are a bright point in their lives. But it isn't universal.
Yep, just like how every single other answer in this thread isn't universal.
Yep, they're stressful too -- but it's usually the good kind of stress (exhaustion) and not the bad one (uncertainty). Although that pivots once they hit their teens.
Ehh, they have knock-on uncertainties. Especially if you are financially hurting.
They bring happiness, and a lot of other things too.
Basically everyone I've talked to in my age range that has kids basically has Stockholm syndrome, but I guess there are also enough people that do intrinsically enjoy having kids.
by not trying to compare themselves to anyone else
Hobbies, spending time wirh friends and families, eating, murdering vagrants, helping the needy, and some people even enjoy comraderie with people they work with.
It comes down to figuring out what makes you happy and if you have trouble you just need to try new things.
Would you not put murdering vagrants under hobbies?
Game the system by having an unhappy childhood so being an adult is so much better? I enjoy being a grownup so much. What are you unhappy with? Were you happy as a kid and if so, what made you happy? I didn't like school, felt alienated and in general kids have no control over their own lives. So adulthood suits me much better.
You nailed it for some of us. What do you do with a guy who went balls to the wall well into his 30s to make up for it?
I've felt happiness a few times. I'm thinking it's time to fight for it.
I do think some (maybe most) of it is luck/brain chemistry, I feel happy a lot as I get older. Part is just that deep appreciation I feel when I wake up and realize that instead of school I will go to a job that pays me. Having kids was stressful but absolutely did increase my enjoyment in life, my desire to live, if that makes sense. More good than bad by a large margin.
Good news is if you are 40-50 you are getting to that age too - news articles say it's like we sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor but I think bullshit because I can't slow down yet and still feel it, it has to be changing brain chemistry and perspective - happiness comes easier now and also fewer things irritate me, youth is an irritable time.
And I guess finally, I really do think luck plays a big part - not in outward circumstances (though obviously luck is very important there too, circumstances don't guarantee happiness) more in the ability to feel certain things. So my actual advice is to adjust perspective if you can, be grateful for the things you can, get physically active to the extent you can and take time to do pleasurable things because even if you are not wired to feel that rush of "happy" you may still be able to feel content and thankful and good.
A few years ago, my wife and I left the Mormon church. That helped a lot. Along that line coffee makes me happy.
Coffee would have made me an apostate too. Damn, I love coffee. Live and drink, friend.
Happiness is not found. It's not an object, rather a state of perception. The more you'll objectify and discretize happiness, the less likely you're to achieve it.
That being said, usually drugs.
On a serious note, two books helped me to understand this mystery a bit more
- Zen Mind, beginner's mind by S. Suzuki
- Flow: the psychology of optimal experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
I think your comment is the key. Many others tell what to do, but yours addresses the core in that you won't be happy unless you decide or allow yourself to be happy (perception).
I used to mock those people who would say things like "smile in the mirror and tell yourself that it's going to be a great day". Later in life, I figured out that that's what they needed to do, so good for them. For me, it's something else. I need to be around nature to ground my feelings. Other times, it's physical cardiac exertion, like a bike ride.
Medication can help if there's a real medical problem, like depression. Self medicating can be dangerous.
Saved the recommendations, thanks !
Ah, another non mainstream source of inspirational knowledge is the Blindboy Boatclub podcast. Over years he produced a lot of episodes on the subjects of mental health and experiences delivered in a very democratic, relatable way. Mixed with crazy hot takes, like how Ney York disco was the original punk for/by LGBT community, seasoned with a thickest Limerick accent and storytelling. Delicious.
That's the neat part,
Recognizing how my desires are never truly satisfied, and they cause me suffering. How they constantly shift and always want more. In other words I let go of my judgment and accept what I see. That doesn't mean I don't judge it at all or don't change it. It just means I'm not attached to the desire to change things. It's just a feeling, and I can act on it, but it's a conscious decision rather than a habit.
We all have happiness, it's just hard to see it past all the other stuff we got going on in our heads.
I try to embrace my hobbies. Motorcycle rides, baking, trying new beers, gaming with friends, reading, etc. It can be hard finding the time to do it all, but I try my best.
It helps that I've already made peace with the fact I'm never gonna be rich enough to do anything truly incredible, like travel the world for 6 months, or retire :/.
Contentment is easier to find than happiness
Find your thing.
For me that's been different things as I've gone through life. Currently in my 50s and enjoying riding a motorbike at weekends. When I'd ridden all the local roads so many times it was starting to get boring, I added another layer and am now riding my bike to every Village in my county. It's going to take a while, but has given another layer of interest and purpose. Many people won't understand why it's interesting to me, and that's fine, they don't have to. Finding what works for you is half the challenge.
BTW, if you've got depression, then finding happiness without resolving that is really, really difficult. Been there and absolutely everything felt bleak and pointless. Fixing that is the first step.
i tried checking at walmart, but they haven't carried it since the early 1970s
Yeah. They do still sell Frisbees, though, at least.
???
Purpose.
Find an IRL community that means something to you. You have to feel like you belong somewhere, and people need a support group to help when they're down. You can't feel happy if you're lonely.
I've never felt like I'm part of a community, and I have no idea where to even look for that. I feel like I'm doomed to be lonely and unhappy my whole life.
That's depressingly common in modern times.
It's easier if you live near a city with lots of people, but going to meetup.com or similar will show you lots of communities that are eager to get more people involved.
It is always easier to stay home so sometimes I need to make myself go out and be social, but consistency is key. Showing up every week to a meetup will root you in a community more that once every couple months.
- Take time off from social media once in a while, or at least avoid doomscrolling all day. Bad stories generate FAR more engagement than good stories, and every form of media knows this. If 100,000 people in your area have an average-to-good day and 5 people have terrible days, all 5 stories presented to you will detail how things are in your area are terrible.
- Physical health affects mental health and vice versa. Eat healthy (or healthier). Stay hydrated. Get 7-9 hours of sleep regularly and use sleep hygeine. Get 90+ minutes of exercise (anything that raises your heartrate) a week which is like 15 minutes/day. Don't worry about doing it all immediately - if you try to change everything at once you're more likely to get overwhelmed and burn out. It's way better to make slow, sustainable changes over months than it is to do a difficult crash course for a short time and get fed up with the process.
- Do thankfulness exercises. When I go to bed at night I think of 3 things I'm thankful for in the day. On average or bad days it may be that I wasn't in constant/chronic pain, that I got to eat and drink, and that I'm in a safe place and a soft bed. Just remembering those basics (that many of us take for granted) helps keep me aware of good things in my life.
- Find ways to enjoy hobbies that require participation - arts, sports, board/video games, whatever. Just something other than passively taking in TV/online media. This will help you feel engaged and double points if it's something that allows for improvement because you'll feel rewarded as you get better.
If advertising is to be believed, it's by partaking in goods and services.
I don't chase a big paycheck. I live meagerly, and save, but live comfortably. As they say, "love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life."
Hobbies, do things you like to do. If you don't have any yet then have some fun figuring out new things to see what clicks for you
I‘m completely switching up my life right now to live to 87 to be able to watch the total eclipse on my birthday
This is key - goals!
I buy my wife matching undies and bras.
It's fun for me, she appreciates the new clothes and I pick out what I want to see her in / out of.
Win win.
Realize you aren't going to be happy all the time. We live a life that sometimes sucks. Our grandparents, our parents, our siblings, and our friends die. Choose to remember the happy times you had with them. Go do things you like to do, remember those times when shit is bad and know that you can make more happy memories later too.
Find happiness in love, from people, from pets, maybe even your children if you choose to have some. Make others happy too if you want because happiness is better when shared with others.
By remembering and being fully aware of who you are in this world ... by being grateful for the good fortune you had by being born in the situation and family you have now.
You could have been born in an African village and lived for a year before dying of something. You could have been born in the slums of Mumbai. You could have been born in Gaza. You could also remove the time constraint and you could have been born a peasant in medieval Europe.
Out of all the billions of human lives that have existed so far, there are many that were born during this time but only a small percentage of them were lucky enough to be born in a family with wealth and privilege enough to enjoy the modern technologies we've created so far.
I am lucky, you are lucky and anyone who is able to read this is lucky to have been born at this time to enjoy this online chat.
Remember where you are in this world and this time. As unhappy as you think you might be, there are millions of people that wish they could have the life you have now.
Be happy because you are a winner of the cosmic lottery of existence.
the good fortune you had by being born in the situation and family you have now.
That's not the case for every household
It's simple, really. Just don't search for it. Cherish the little things
For me, it’s my dogs! I love walking and playing with them. I love seeing them happy. They didn’t choose to be my pets, but it really makes me feel good to know they are happy and they love me in their own way.
Mostly, they don't
Happiness is located in the wife’s arms
Good friends, core friends. Good memories. Doing good things, helping. Toss in a cup of stability and a couple hobbies. If you’re practicing or just recently discovered practicing adhd, another dozen hobbies and a therapist/counselor.
What is the difference between good friends and core friends?
No real difference, all groups are different in their own way. The core group, the group around that core. Some say best friends.
Finding activities and hobbies that align with your values and make you groe.
Yes, mindless hobbies are also fine, but for me, participating in local FOSS communities and the like makes it a very fulfilling activity, and a way to learn more things.
I would agree. Some places are much harder to find other folks creating or using free/ethical software. & unfortunately more online projects are migrating to propietary chat like Discord while hosting their code on proprietary forges like MS GitHub which makes it hard to participate when free/ethical software are “your values”.
I enjoy helping people. Making other people's lives better is the goal I set for myself, and I love it. I keep souvenirs as to remember people that I've helped.
I look around my house and just feel this sense of pride and peace knowing other people are happier now than how I found them
Reflecting and seeing improvement in my being.
Discovering my own intuition, and following it to sometimes scary situations. Doing so from a comfortable base I can retreat to when needed.
It's either drugs or not having a shitty childhood, unfortunately I'm the wrong person to ask
Can confirm, had a shitty childhood but drugs work really good.
For me:
- Set goals
- Accomplish those goals
That’s what gives me the best feedback. The more realistic goals I set and the more often I accomplish them, the better I feel. Bonus points for setting “due dates” for bigger goals and seeing if you can meet your own deadline.
I find joy from creation. For a long time (2010s) I barely created anything, just consumed. Now I try to do a lot of different things. 3D modelling, game creation, music composing, writing, coding. My skill level doesn't matter, as I am not dependent on these skills as a source of income (apart from coding to some extent), and the lower my skill, the easier it is to take some big leaps doing these activities, and that progress can yield happiness. I like having several different things as well, as if I lose motivation for one thing, I am not stuck between having nothing to do and forcing myself to do something I don't really want to.
The other thing is nature. Slowing down and walking in the forest, in the mountains etc. Listening to a waterfall, to the birds etc. Fresh air. Good stuff.
It seems that happiness is something in one's mind, an internal state. I've seen people happy who have very little, and the opposite. Happiness is therefore a perception. The mind is the lens through which we perceive everything, so focusing the lens at the right things and ensuring it's a clean lens are the right starting point to "finding" happiness.
Cleaning the lens: Eat well, sleep well, exercise.
These three fundamentals lay the foundation of a clean lens. If you do the above, you have created the best physical conditions for your mind. You are unfortunately a chemical creature, so the physical state of your brain is critical to all pursuits, including perception of reality.
The next step is pointing the lens at the right things, stay tuned for our next episode!
stay tuned for our next episode!
When will it be airing?
Motorcycles. No kids. Enough sleep. A good partner. Music. Videogames. Good friends (who know each other). Lots of projects.
For me it's about pursuing hobbies and having new experiences. I really enjoy developing new skills and seeing myself improve, and doing things I haven't done before.
sleep
(and occasional life achievements or events, like yesterday)
Outdoor hobbies. I've got really into foraging, which has multiple benefits, I get to be outside, I get exercise, I learn new things which stimulates my brain, and if I'm lucky I also get free food (which is usually superior in taste and nutrition to store bought). I combine it with hiking, fishing, geocaching etc and if I'm alone I sometimes listen to music on my headphones. Once you start developing outdoor hobbies it's like you unlock an insanely intricate open world video game.
I just recently quit my job and it's got me thinking about app development around this idea.
i think that you have to make happiness and its ingredients depends on what makes you happy & healthy.
it ends up becoming a bit like brewing beer in that you keep testing different combinations and different methods with those ingredients to brew your beer and sometimes you get it right and sometimes you don't; but the more you keep at it the more often you get it right than wrong.
at some point you start getting excited at the prospect of trying some new combination, method, or ingredient and i think that, if you reach that stage, it'll become self fulfilling.
Time spent with friends and partners.
Wrapped under a blanket with someone I was really into, playing a game together, watching a show, or just talking, was really nice.
I just bought a skateboard and I'm going to head to the skate park, alone. So I would say one tip (of many) is don't limit yourself to social stigmas and have fun!
By choice.
smells are effervescent and seem to be very impactful.... anecdotal evidence only
Online political partisanship
I recently asked a friend of mine something similar and i will add it here for the sake of discussion.
We need to fulfill our basic needs in order to be happy and content with life. There are 3 basic/main categories:
1: bodily needs: better diet, exercise etc.
2: mental needs: intellectual conversation/pondering, reading/writing a book, even playing some video games etc.
3: spiritual needs: religion/hope for a better time and better place
I would also add one more,
4: social needs: spending time with friends and family, doing something for the community, relationships and dating etc.
Since my friend and I are religious, 3 makes sense on its own. But you might need to think about what it means to you. Imo the most important part is having hope.
Personally for me, its 1 and 4 that i struggle the most with. And in the end, its okay to be wrong and try different things and formulas to find what works best for you.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes! You live and you learn!
I remind myself "it's just life" and that "no one makes it out of life alive"
A tiny bit of nihilism goes a long way
A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy.
Albert Einstein
XIV (14): Temperance: experienced vast extremes and, as such, has grown to appreciate moderation. He also knows that the good things in life must be waited for and that patience is a key part of a harmonious life. https://www.mysticsense.com/articles/tarot/fools-journey/
The fools journey is the story of the tarot deck and experiences we have in life. It's meant to be a guide through life's struggles, it sounds like you could use this at this point in your life.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs shows what it takes for humans to be happy. A lot of people can't even reach level 1.
Can't even afford to reach level 1.
Health. :)
When l don't worry about family, work, mortgage or the long list of chores I'm pushing in front of me.
I mostly listen to books during the commute, and play a few games when time allows it.
