Here you go, I guess.

Didn't even get him orange Julius?

It would go excellent with his salads he loves so much.

Better hope he doesn't ask where Fanta comes from

Fanta originated in Germany as a Coca-Cola alternative in 1941 due to the American trade embargo of Nazi Germany

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanta

What's Germany? What's America? What's Coca-Cola? What's an embargo? What's Naziism?
- What’s Germany?
  
  Well, that one he knows at least! He fought with the Germanic tribes, who he notes came from a land called Germania.
- Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?
Fanta sold in the US was NOT invented in Germany!

Give him one of these useful knife blocks:

Oh, I might have to get one of these.
That's the Asterix version of Caesar, specifically. Wonder if it's an official product, or fan made?
- Who nose?
- I found it here:
  http://craziestgadgets.com/2013/03/22/julius-caesar-knife-block-beware-the-knives-of-march/
  
  But it seems it was based on a sculpture which was sold on Amazon (and is currently out of stock):
  https://amzn.eu/d/cUAPjYx
Too soon.

Personally, I'd love to learn enough of the latin he spoke to be able to present him with a bottle of Cesar salad dressing and then tell him how many millions of people think of it when they hear his name.

“It’s named after a guy from Mexico, but they put your face on the bottle”
- An Italian guy who opened a restaurant in Mexico catering to Americans because the United States had banned alcohol.

Turns out he’s allergic to oranges dies you take his place to preserve the time line but forgot he gets stabbed 23 times the next day.

oranges? in fanta?

unless you mean he's allergic to the colour orange
- Get your hands on some german Fanta. It's the ~~good~~ slightly less shitty stuff.
  
  The color difference alone says it all:
Yeah, but they're not mad at you. You're a different person. If you give grandiose claims, you can make it another 6 months, even if you don't fulfill any promises. It'll give you time to dip out or conquer the Gauls.

Oh I’d just serve him a beverage consisting of vodka, tomato juice, clam juice, and hot sauce. After explaining the three ingredients he has no access to I’d tell him the name of the beverage before saying that he’ll kinda have it coming

Don't forget the celery that won't exist for 1700 years.
- Wait what‽ Also didn’t know celery was in it. I’ve never actually had one of them, though I’d love to try, especially with something like a Parmesan vodka.

Me with a time machine:

Imagine the Europeans met a significantly further developed native civilisation .. Like steam engine level. That would have been interesting.
- Years of Rice and Salt by Kim Stanley Robinson. Minus the Europeans, mind.
- The Europeans didn't have the man power to defeat the Aztec Empire that fast but as an empire, the Aztecs made enemies and all these enemies united with the Europeans to defeat their common enemy, not knowing what would come next. Similar stories in north America with some first nations allying with the Europeans against their old enemies.
The natives knew that.
But there was basically nothing they could do. The pox depopulated the continent so fast that the white colonists often encountered only remnants of destroyed civilizations wherever they arrived.

"Where's my Orange Julius"

DAMMIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMEONE ALREADY MADE THAT COMMENT

Unfortunately it was Chris Chan’s Fanta.

I'd give the ottoman empire (and by association the axis) modern weapons in WW1

If I ever successfully create a time machine, I'll put Wednesday before Thursday. Just for the luls
- Tbh that would be a nice harmless troll lol
You mean the Central Powers.

For all we know, that may avert WWII. WWI was less of a clear cut good/evil fight.
- Oh yh but this would be an interesting outcome without the Central powers losing the treaty of Versailles wouldn't have been signed that means Hitler wouldn't have as much support (the ottoman empire would up the same we were already dieing, bit this time entand won't be involved)
- The Ottomans would turn around and kick Austria's ass after they were done with Russia though. It'd end up being a more protracted affair when the Sublime Porte gets it's revenge.

C’mon! That should be an Orange Julius!

Had one for the first time since I was like... 14? I'm 41. Drank it down. Started great. I've never felt so sick after something. Apparently I'm too old for this. I miss being a kid.

Render unto Caesar the Fanta that is Caesar’s.

You fool, now he will want more! And if you don't get him his sugary fix, it won't be a Fantastic day for you.

"Hey Jules, you should get an MRI. Those seizures might be a tumor. It could kill you."

Ahh, the ol' reverse Thermae Romae Novae.