Follow up & some questions about SSRIs [Trigger warning inside]
Follow up & some questions about SSRIs [Trigger warning inside]
Trigger Warning
suicidal thoughts
Hey all, I want to thank you all again for my previous thread and the support you all gave me. I can't state enough how helpful you all were for me in that moment, I am so grateful to you all!
After my previous post I saw my doctor, they prescribed escitalopram, and I went through two weeks of hell (stomach issues, constant anxiety for no reason, and chills). After the 2.5 week mark things got much better for me.
At 4 weeks I'm feeling much better. I can do tasks that I previously struggled with. My anxiety is much better, it's not reaching the levels of panic or struggle. Now that the feeling side is better I can see things which are behavioural (I'm trying to get back to CBT, but now there are waitlists).
Overall it feels like my life went from VHS quality to HD. Literally colours seem brighter, tastes and smells are better, and touch feels much nicer.
I do have one question: has anyone had suicidal thoughts while on escitalopram, and did they subside over time?
I had suicidal thoughts before taking the meds, at least since I was 9/10 years old. I have them regularly especially when anxiety or depression hit. It's more thinking about it than an impulse to action on it. Normally I wouldn't think much of it, but the last several days those thoughts have been more intrusive and more impulsive.
I was warned this can be a side effect and I'm still early on so I'm wondering if this is something that subsides? I don't honestly feel that I will action on these thoughts, and generally I feel good, so I'm hoping this won't be a dealbreaker or get worse.
I do plan to talk to my wife about it, I've never really shared these thoughts with her, but I don't want to worry her.
SSRIs will impact every person differently. It's important to talk to your doctor/therapist and give them feedback. I've been on SSRIs and they just didn't work for me due to side effects. There is a reason there are so many medications for anxiety. Not everything works the same for everyone.
Thanks for your comment
About 4-5 days after this post the suicidal thoughts went away (I still get them, but it’s much less than before the meds, I’m working on it).
So overall this feels like a very good fit for me. I don’t really have many side effects, so I guess I’m very lucky.
I track my sleep and heart data: my resting heartbeat is 5-10BPM lower than it was (which is probably the manifestation of not having anxiety episodes) and my sleep is up by an average of >30 minutes daily. I haven’t really gained or lost weight, I’ve been within 5-10lbs of the same weight for about 8 years now.
I’ve been more active and I’ve had more energy to cook healthier+heartier meals, so overall I’m feeling great now.