Having some financial trouble and I’m unsure if the money will run out before the next paycheck.
I hope you are able to make the cycle.
My work. We're understaffed and underappreciated.
Under appreciate them right back. Try to keep work about funding your lifestyle.
I don't know how intense or emotional your job is, so that advice might not be practical. But I do think everyone needs to set boundaries, but also emotional boundaries. Please make sure work isn't wearing you down when you aren't there. Try taking a few minutes to reset after clocking out, and close the door on your work day.
Kicking my ex out. I'm terrible at any kind of confrontation and at this point I do have the option of calling the police to assist. I just know that I am a doormat and am afraid I will cave if he gives me a sob story. He's had over two years to get his shit together and leave but it's come to forcefully removing him. I could use someone besides the police with a firm voice to convince him to get up and moving.
You can't help anyone else if you can't take care of yourself first. That's a really hard position to be in, but you have to do it for your benefit and eventually for his too.
In fact, if I found out my lady wanted me out but didn't flip the switch, I would be pretty upset about the time we lost living in that state. That time could have been spent rediscovering myself or finding my next partner. What a missed opportunity!
I first informed him I wanted him to move over 2 years ago, but he never left. Hopefully this will finally be resolved in the next week. I'm at the end of my rope, barely surviving in my own home. I hide in my bedroom, while he roams the house making a mess...I want him to be happy and healthy but that won't happen while he's in my house. We're both miserable.
Psoriatic arthritis flared up in my entire body that has made it impossible to sleep or even really exist for the last week and a half.
It would be awesome to just not hurt for a few hours.
I know nothing about psoriatic arthritis but I do know a little about joint inflammation. I read about how an imbalance of omega fatty acids can cause inflammation and after taking a fish oil pill most of the pain went away in my knees. Would that be something you could try?
Diet changes are one of the major things I've been working on that has made the last little bit rough. I've been cooking a lot more, primarily oily fishes which I love, but I did cut out the trash sugars and caffeine that I use as a crutch.
Almost daily mackerel and salmon has been awesome though. Saba shioyaki is probably my favorite comfort food and I never realized how easy it was to make. I'll have to give the actual fish oil pills a try though, thanks!
I hope it calms down, I cannot even imagine what that must be like. Do you have access to people with experience with this? Support groups, or even one mentor?
Any y'all got any tips for getting worries about the future out of your head?
I am not hopeful about our future. But something I came to terms with is that I am going to die. It might be in 40 years or it might be sooner, it could be next year. But it will happen. Also, it's possible that I don't just die but life becomes incredibly unpleasant. All the same to me in this current point in time, where I am able and I have means to do interesting things.
I know this is hand-wavy but I heard someone say something along the lines "we need to stop worrying about putting more years in our life, but work on putting more life in our years."
This sort of mantra helps keep me grounded when I'm deciding what to do with myself and my family on a day to day basis.
What I've found that helps me with this is follow through on the worry. For example, maybe I'm worried my boyfriend will leave me, and to follow through on that I think "then what happens?" Well, I would be depressed for awhile, and then eventually get over it. I'll go through the stages of grief for the death of the relationship but I will survive and move on. This Follow Through thought pattern works best on situations you have actual control over in your day to day life.
Another thought is "you can't control everything but you can control how you react to things".
I’m a software developer but a lot of the work is ambiguous and the instructions are lacking sometimes. My company puts no pressure on me and is amazing with my neuroticism and ADHD. Yet I can’t not wreck my mental state by worrying about things and thinking I’m not cut out for this. This issue is worst Mon-Tue and then gets better towards the weekend. It’s also dependent on the work load and client emails.
Also, crashed my mums car last night by not paying attention and rear ended someone. Then they tried to fight me cause I asked them to all stop screaming as nobody is hurt and it’s only material objects and I’m fully comp so they’ll be fine. Fucking cavemen. I’m not adverse to hitting someone, but it would have to be over something more serious than a minor accident.
Oof... Yeah it is hard to deescalate with a person who is primally furious with you. It was probably really scary for them, and it sounds like they might not have been emotionally intelligent enough to handle it. I'm glad you and everyone are ok.
I'm also in software and, yes, depending on what kind of business you're in people often have no idea what they want. Do you like reading? One thing that helped me in those situations is Don Norman's book, the design of everyday things. It helps me get into a big picture mindset.
Thanks for the response.
Yeah I agree they were just people not cut out to handle the stress of the accident and just got mad. It was my fault and I owned up to that instantly, I’m just more a chill guy as things could always be worse and no body was injured thankfully.
Thanks for the book recommendation I’m have a look for it.
Yes we are consultants and we write extensive spec that clearly the clients don’t read and then we have to go back and redo a lot of work as “it’s not what they want” but they can’t articulate what they want so you have to infer it and then when it’s wrong they’re like bruh. This is what I struggle with, the ambiguity of it all. I like to know what I’m doing and when, whereas this small company is incredibly chill and don’t expect a lot which I find hard as I’m used to being worked to death in crappy jobs and here it’s like the staff come first the code is second after we are all happy. I am blessed in that regard.
Let me follow up, that that lack of direction is also a great opportunity for you too. If they afford it, take your time and weigh different ideas, different technology stacks or different designs, try to get the costs together (development and maintenance), and make a presentation to them. But most importantly learn as much as you can in the process every time
My anxiety is particularly bad today. I woke up with my hands shaking and I got so nervous I started to dry heave.
Would you consider trying a meditation app? A medical professional recently recommended "insight timer", which has guided meditations and somatic tracking programs and things.
Just a caution, if you do check it out, it will ask you to start a free 7-day trial for their "plus" version, you have to find the "skip" button, and avoid starting the trial so you don't get charged. I can see how that bit might not be anxiety relieving! But otherwise she had a lot of praise for it. I haven't tried it myself, but I have it ready to go. I'm in a pretty good place at the moment... I hope I remember it's there when I need it.
I'm done with my job.
I hate the company because I'm ethically opposed to the business model, I want to actually help people instead of building more efficient ways to steal money from small businesses and the families of dead clients. On-top of that our latest manager is the next in a line of increasingly intense micromanagers who keeps looking at our engagement scores and is basically making our jobs harder and more annoying in response, he can't work out why it's getting worse...
I want a new job, anything that lets me actually help people. Hard to do when you don't have any official qualifications, a disability and are neurodivergent so interviews are a nightmare.
Do you have someone you can practice interviewing with? This is just an idea, but maybe you and a friend can slowly warm up to a challenging interview by working on one bit at a time, taking it slow. And I mean slow. Like maybe this weekend you can do an "interview" for a maximum of 5 minutes, and only practice introducing yourself. Then do it again next weekend. If you get comfortable, make it 6 minutes the third week and start talking about your past work. Then 7 minutes and include what you're seeking out of your future job. Then 8 minutes and have them start to ask challenging questions. Also, this might be horrible advice because I don't know you and I also hate interviewing! I will say, when you interview, be your authentic self because if they hire you as your inauthentic self, it might not end up being a great fit.
It's less the interview itself I'm worried about and more the coding tests most companies expect you to complete these days.
I'm a great programmer and problem solver, but a coding interview is exactly the wrong setting to demonstrate those skills because of the way they limit your tools and time. I also don't really work in a way that they're expecting, in the past I've lucked into faking it for entry level positions but I'm in a much more senior role now so the expectations are much higher. My current job never required such a test but they're basically the standard now.
Yup, like the others, I'm broke. Month to month barely getting by. Gotta trim back where I can.
It's hard but you are doing it. Don't forget to find away to enjoy yourself, is there a friend you haven't talked to in a long time?
I'm doing fine really, just stressed about money. Working overtime where I can and keeping expenses low.
I play D&D with friends twice a week. Low cost, high imagination way to hang out.
The main issue is that we took in someone in need this last summer who can't pay their own way and for now, we are shouldering the difference.
It's worthwhile but taxing.
i drank too much last night and now i feel a bit too sick. I live alone so cleanup and cooking are a bit challenging
Crap!
Don't forget to load in tons of water. Be patient with yourself today. Only do what you have to until you're feeling better.
I hope tomorrow is a fresh start for you!
I brute forced myself into cleaning up and cooking healthier meals for myself. It sucks, but if you rinse your dishes right after you eat and put leftovers away instead of "letting them cool" or "soaking the dishes", everything gets so much easier.
If you want a really tasty, filling cheap fall dish that will 100% help a hangover:
Throw some evoo and garlic into a pan and let it go for like a minute. Then throw in a handful of fresh spinach. Then a handful of halved cherry tomatoes. Then two cans of drained cannelloni white beans. Then a cup of heavy cream and a half cup of Parmesan cheese. Salt, pepper and toast some bread.
Buying all the ingredients at once is like maybe $15 and this stuff can be used for anything. I've made breakfast sandwiches with these beans, a fried egg, and some Sriracha on an English muffin.
Take vitamin b complex and drink something with electrolytes. (It's what plants crave) (Kidding about the Idiocracy joke, do it). Source: recovering alcoholic
Someone to talk to about the Adastra visual novel because I can't get it out of my head and it's making me depressed wanting to be in that world instead of the real one so, so fucking much.
I only cried thrice while playing through it some time ago 😎
My life is pretty good but one of my good friends is currently going through post partum and it's causing manic mania. It's hard to see someone so happy but so unstable.
That is really stressful and sad. Try to be there for her but also keep in mind what is and is not inside your (and her) sphere of influence. But you can't give yourself away for her. I hope she pulls through soon.
Everything. Or just this.
I need to get my car fixed so I can leave.
I need to empty out my car so I can get it fixed.
I need my car fixed so I can empty it out.
I need to go shopping so I have food.
I need to bike to go shopping.
I need to eat to bike.
I need food to eat.
I need to get paniers and a rack for a bike so I'm not so reliant on my car.
I need to get my car fixed so I'm not so reliant on a bike.
I need to find a therapist to feel safe.
I need to set up a computer to email every provider in a whole state to try to find one.
I need to set up a computer so I can work.
I need to feel safe to set up a computer.Everything seems like the most important thing to do right now. I know the actual only important thing to do today is get food for at least 3 days so I can have at least 1 day when that's not a problem. I need someone to tell that to even though I'd already thought of that and thought that I have nobody to tell it to, so thank you for asking.
This sounds to me like an ADHD cycle of failing to know how to prioritize. Focus on your immediate needs and take this step by step. First, find something to eat. Pasta with ketchup if you have to. Now figure out how to do a round of shopping. Just one. Not how to do them the best way forever, just once poorly to get some easy to eat foods in your house. Step by step.
You might not need to empty out your car to get it fixed.
I've fixed some cars that are between "hoarder" and "they probably live in here". It's not the most pleasant thing, but it's possible.
When everything is precious nothing is precious, and that intermingled list of demands is pretty cluttery. No offense!
"Reliance" is a risk to mitigate, but mitigating risks shouldn't come at the expense of taking on more risk.
All the things you want to do are worthy and valuable but like you said, you just cannot do them at the same time, and I doubt they are quite as cyclically dependant as you think they are.
(For example, if you're in a pinch for transportation and you're willing to bike but cannot get one yet, you could try a bike share or scooter for a few dollars for a few hours... I have done this to get me home from dropping the car at the mechanic).
Try to organize those things into a clear roadmap, where things that cause more things to become easier are done first. Where you have cyclical dependencies, think outside the list to solve that problem.
Not today, but recently at work, I, a DevOps engineer specializing in Linux and other Unix/Unix-like systems, was given the task of doing some admin and maintenance work on a few Windows servers...
I FUCKING HATE WINDOWS
THIS OS MAKES NO SENSE AND ADMINISTERING IT IS A NIGHTMARE
FUCK MICROSOFT!
What's your task? I've supported quite a few systems
Upgrading/reinstalling some company specific software (it's an absolute mess, we essentially build our own tools for everything in C++, there's probably a quadrillion memory vulnerabilities and the software crashes all the time), because random people on the Windows team have been tinkering with the config over the years, and now essentially everything is broken and has to be reinstalled. We have been shipping newer versions of our software to customers than we were running internally... (of course it was tested in the staging environment, but our prod was pretty unmaintained and messy) I'm so glad that I'm usually on the Linux team... I was a software engineer before, but I was tired of C++ and the weird way we do things, so I was probably the first one who asked to move to the newly formed Linux team, when we started slowly migrating away from Windows around 6 or 7 years ago. Unfortunately like half of the Windows team recently quit or was laid off, so they had to find someone who could do this. Since I was a dev before, I'm quite familiar with our internal tools. I'm now working with 3 Windows guys on fixing this insanity. The entire process is not quite as bad as it sounds, but I really don't want to touch a Windows system ever again in my life.
A fap session.
I hope you find what you're looking for
"That's not a good thing for a taxi driver to say."
I could use some help with the metric shit ton of chicken biryani I made a couple of days ago.
Damnit that's a great problem to have! 🤤
That sounds delicious, was there a certain recipe you used?
This one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XlMguO9r-M
There's a few ingredients missing from the recipe he puts in the comments so watch the video closely if you're going to try it.
Also 1kg of dried rice - I measured out that amount and yes, it's the same as he uses but it's just way too much.
I'm replacing my master brake cylinder and booster in my truck. It'll be the first time working on a car I actually own. Never done this in a GMC but i was told by a friend its easy(probably not). Was gonna have a shop do it but they are gonna charge me as much as I pay in rent.
Did you do it?
Not yet. I got the parts and I need to get a line wrench. Maybe a friend to help with the brake bleeding.
My daughter is taking a nap, and my wife is out for most of the day coaching soccer. Things are peaceful now, but when my daughter wakes up, I have to do the grocery shopping for the week and start meal prepping. Not sure if you guys have dealt with a toddler in a super market, but it's a nightmare. Then I have to figure out how I am going to get the groceries up to my 3rd floor walk up apartment while wrangling my daughter. I can't just leave her in my apartment while I make trips because toddlers are basically constantly trying to kill themselves, and it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen. Then I have to start meal prepping with a toddler in my care. This is another set of challenges. I could wait until my wife gets home, but then I'm shopping late and won't be able to cook until tomorrow. And if I have to cook all day tomorrow, then we don't get to go on a family bike ride, and this time of year is so perfect for bike riding. I could order the groceries online, but they always fuck it up and then I end up having to go to the store anyway.
This might not be as big as some of the other problems people are having today, but man, I could really just use another set of hands to help me through today's responsibilities.
Try and change how you feel about it. Instead of your daughter being an impediment to your chore, instead, you get to spend some quality time with her. Treat it like a daddy/daughter outing to look forward to. Stop and get yourselves a small treat so you're not hangry. Talk to her as you shop. Let her make a few small choices. Does she want carrot sticks or pepper strips for snack, white or orange cheese, red or green apples? Have her check things off your list, or just a pretend one, depending on her age.
Keeping her involved will keep her from being as much trouble and keep her entertained for longer. And you get to make nice memories with her instead of being annoyed.
And if things break down, grab the most important things first, and you can order the rest and try another day.
It actually ended up being great! She was very patient in the store and was super happy letting me hand stuff to her so she could put it in the cart. She wanted to help and she loved doing it! She was asking a lot of "what's that?" for everything in the store, and I got to explain to her what different things were and how I would use them in a recepie. It did indeed end up being a fun daddy/daughter day, and my wife was pulling up just as I got back to our apartment so she was able to help out with carrying the groceries. Then I was able to get some meal prepping done while my wife kept an eye on our daughter. We even were able to squeeze in a trip to the fall carnival in the evening and I got to take my daughter down the Super Slide for the first time. She absolutely loved it.
So now I'm exhausted, but all in all 10/10 day, would do it again.
I've got 2 bush cords to stack....
I've just stripped and primed 6 kitchen drawers. They need 2 coats of paint after that. I have to silicone around the new bath panel later on and maybe make a start at replacing the curtain rails. The old rails and baton need to come down, new wood cut, finished, routed, painted then afixed to the wall. It'll look good when done, but I'm not looking forward to it.
Nice. I tore out my weird rotten cabinets last spring..my plan is to try my hand at building custom cabinets here. I know it will probably cost me more in time and frustration and possibly even materials and tools than ordering some, but it's something I want to try.
