The Onion @midwest.social ZeroCool @slrpnk.net 2mo ago

Polls Show J.D. Vance Performing Favorably Among Men Who Think the Bartender Is Flirting With Them

thehardtimes.net Polls Show J.D. Vance Performing Favorably Among Men Who Think the Bartender Is Flirting With Them

Ohio senator and vice presidential hopeful J.D. Vance is enjoying a high favorability rating from men who misconstrue the routine fulfillment of job duties by bartenders for flirting.

34 comments

Once again The Onion not being satire.
- Hardtimes, they are a similar site and easily confused with the Onion, but let's give proper credit to the publication.
  
  Tbf, this community is called "The Onion":-P
"Man, she keeps smiling at me. I think she digs me."
- Anything to keep the hope alive. I know that sentiment well enough.
- "She just wants your tip"
  
  "That's OK. I don't need to go full penetration"
  
  🙄
Funny story, so I ended up hooking up with the bartender at my local spot years ago. But was completely unaware.

Went there pretty much every day after work for a beer and dinner or a snack. It was a popular working ppl bar. Pretty much made friends with the whole staff over the years, went to weddings, gave relationship advice, etc. The bartender and I would often sneak to the bathroom to do some blow.

But this whole time I'm like yeah, sure I'm friends with some people here but mostly it's just when I'm here and definitely nothing romantic. One night I ended up closing out, had just broke up with someone, and she insisted I stay while she closed up. Then she was like, you wanna stay at my place? I was like yeah I've had a bit to drink that's really nice she was concerned. So I'm still 100% oblivious, sitting on her bed while she went to grab a beer, until she comes back in just in lingerie and beers. We didn't drink the beers haha.
- Hey guys, this guy fucks!
  
  And we support and encourage him for that!
- Daaaaaad, you tell that EVERY Christmas!
  
  Still a better story than HIMYM
This feels like a statement that's definitely true and only counts as satire because nobody has tested it yet
He polls favorably among men who claim to be alphas but routinely slip roofies in girls drinks
- They're not roofies, they're Beta Blockers.
  
  I'd take metoprolol slipped into my drink over midazolam any day of the week.
See also:

Men who think the barista likes them because they read their name from a cup.

Men who think they don't need to tip their waitress and instead leave their number instead.

Men who expect a happy ending when getting a massage and again, don't leave a tip when they're sent away without one.
- Is a happy ending on a message like a smiley emoji?
  
  Auto correct strikes again :)
  
  Bless your heart
  
  8=m=>~ 🥲 Yes!
- I spend a lot of time at bars drinking and people watching and guys leaving bartenders their number happens a lot more than I expected. Though I've typically seen them leave yuuuuge tips + their number, as if it impresses the bartender or something.
Hey man, I've gotten with some bartenders. That doesn't make me a dirty Vance fan. For shame!
Nah— no service worker would ever think that JD Vance is interested in them, or anything other than himself
- Wooosh
J.D. Vance is a festering tumor in a suit. But I really do think Nia was hitting on me the other night.
No bits on tips

34 comments