11mo ago

Real Alpha Men™ drink their Vanilla Ice cream shake from a metal bucket while shirtless and listening to death metal

"Drinking a milkshake with a straw? Only a squishy lib would do such a thing."

More about Strawgate: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/09/05/tim-walz-milkshake-masculinity-jesse-watters-straw-fox-news/75089097007/

35 comments

Alpha males don't drink a milkshake with a straw, they give it their whole mouth, open up their throat and don't forget to work the balls.
- This also the way they drink bubble tea, poke an opening, then work the hole with their tongue to get the pearls out.
Would you say they're grasping at straws now?
- Two straws in fact. At about face level in what one might call a jerking motion....
- I could take all this wokeness up to here, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back
  
  The whole thing is a straw man supported by the spoon lobby
- Weird, right?
Don't bring death metal into this. Those bros are more likely listening to pop country
- They probably also think that Five Finger Death Punch is death metal.
- No, it's accurate. They role play being hardcore when they're at the gym. It's when they get back in their truck their fantasy self image role play turns to good ol boy when the pop country comes on. Or sometimes 90's country because, in their mind, all country after that is part of that change they hate so much.
  Then when they get home, they role play being a big leader man all in charge as they boss around their little children and make them say "yes sir"
- Not death metal, but... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddrFt1BHkUQ
Milk comes from female animals. Real men drink bull semen shakes.
They've got nothing on this guy!! They're literally grasping at straws
- I'm guessing this is satire judging by the line "If the massive sugar rush causes your pancreas to explode, all the better. Real men enjoy exploding organs."
  
  The article is satire about Jesse Waters' real criticism of Walz using a straw
  
  Ahh, Yes concerts were so great.
Dumping a bucket of ice cream on my face with some loud music playing sounds fun tbh
And don't forget to fire your AR-15 in the air while doing it.
Well, shit, my water bottle for the gym has a lid with a straw attached to it.
- Check your genitalia because conservatives have labeled you.
  
  I've definitely seen some of the bigger dudes with the same type of bottle. Who wants to tell them?
I get my role model queues from Fox news. My medical advice? From a game of operation.
- where do you get your fashion advice
  
  7-11
What, he hasn't ever worn a tan suit?
If this is the best they can dig up against him, he must be a pretty awesome guy!
Hey, leave Death Metal alone. The tough guys are in the Deathcore scene dancing in their hardcore pits.
- Aren't all the tough guys more like in the pits of gatekeeping hell, regardless of subgenre?
  
  Honestly the gatekeepers are more the super basementy neckbeards.
Real men drink poison!
Then why did they cry so much about plastic straws going away?
When did USA Today become so based?

35 comments