Self esteem is something a lot of people (myself included) need to practice to get good at.
For me, I had to realize I’m insignificant to most people to start being myself more. That and doing things. Like, anything you do, whether you love it or not, is better than doomscrolling.
You probably recognize you need to practice to get good at literally anything else. Why would socializing be an exception. Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to you yesterday.
Nobody is going to remember me so might as well not do anything instead of doing what I want.
“I don’t want to do anything”. Okay, how can we make that happen?
You can be significant to people just by being the person who smiled at them when they’re having a rough day. Picked up the neighbor’s trash can that blew into the street. Offered to get something off a shelf for someone who can’t reach it or can’t lift it very well.
The story of your life doesn’t exist outside your head, your family, and maybe your coworkers. You can see being famous or accomplished doesn’t eliminate suffering easily. Believe it.
My boss keeps telling me how much better I will do in the office because I will make so many more connections but she forgets that I have social anxiety and it's extremely stressful and I never connected with anyone before we started working from home. Social people just don't understand.
On a whim I called a free therapy help line from a poster at work.
I never initiate interactions with anyone unless it's required, I only ever respond because I am terrified of ruining someone else's day by forcing them to deal with me. The idea that I might annoy or bother someone is terrifying and nauseating, so I just... don't do it.
In talking with the therapist, we made a connection between this neurotic impulse and my dysphoria. I started my transition at 29 (lol), so I have almost two decades of hating the way I look and sound (and feel and act and dress and). I suspect that I projected this dysphoria onto everyone else too, subconsciously assuming everyone else hated the way I look and sound as much as I do. Now that I'm a few years into my transition and I don't feel that way anymore, I'm slowly learning to stop projecting that onto everyone else too! Slowly. 😅