It's either kill myself or quit my job, so I'm quittingnmy job
When I can't find another and run out of savings in a few months, that's when Ill kill myself.
Honestly did a bit of a trial run last night, fastened a bag over my head and snuggled my stuffed animals on the couch to see what it would be like. It's definitely something I can go through with if/when it comes to it. Taking other steps to make life less unbearable first, hence the title. I don't really see my life ending any other way though tbh, just more of a question of when. If I'm lucky, it'll be when the climate change induced famine prices me out of being able to eat and I chose not to starve. Anyways, sorry for making you read this. Fuck.
It really wasn't bad. I got to the point where my vision started getting fuzzy before deciding to open the bag. I was able to keep calm and take slow breaths and relax. Went into it without actual intent to follow through, but wrote a quick note anyways, just in case I decided to go through with it or an accident happened. Though, I've been into autoerotic asphyxiation since I was an experimental teenager, so I have practice/it's not mentally horrifying to me like it is to normal people. Don't do breathplay often, because I don't have anyone to do it with to keep me safe, but I'm almost past caring
You have made me curious - I tried to find what you were talking about, but all I could find on novel Japanese suicide methods was a trend of "detergent suicide" around 2008, i.e. hydrogen sulfide gas poisoning. Is that what you meant? If so, it can endanger first responders and inconvenience neighbors with evacuation. Inert gas is equally painless and much more socially responsible.
Oh no that is definitely not the way. I can’t find a reference to the documentary I watched and I won’t go into details here but here is link to place in particular I was talking about: https://allthatsinteresting.com/suicide-forest-aokigahara
Damn. It's like the exact opposite for me, they turned me into an unfeeling robot. There was definitely an emotional withdrawal period but that's what the massive amount of weed is for.
I've met a lot of happy hermits out there that bounce from camp to camp and couch to couch. Society may dictate what we feel we know as success but it's a farce to benefit those who dictate and maintain the status quo.