Swearing around kids
Swearing around kids
My impression is that people in North America are very careful not to swear around their kids. I’ve gotten the impression (from pop culture, so dubious quality) that one of the reasons is they’re frequently reprimanded at school for this.
I (born late 80’s) wasn’t raised this way, and I don’t plan on raising my kids that way either. To me, swearing is part of the language and an abstinence only approach to it seems backwards in and for exactly the same reasons the same approach to sex ed does: the trick is in how and when, not “don’t do it, it’s immoral”.
I assume there are people with different strategies out there and I’d appreciate your view on this!
I think there are a number of thigs people generally don't allow kids to have/do, not because it's immoral but because it creates a hassle for you, the parent. Take sharpies or other permanent markers for example. If you give one to a 4 or 5 year old, not matter how much you teach them about "how and when" to use them, you're still guaranteed to get sharpie marks on places you don't want them, and while it's not the end of the world it can be a drag.
Of course it's up to you to decide when's the appropriate age to have access to permanent markers, cans of spray paint and pocket knives.
The issue with swearing is that kids copy everything you do, so even before school age you can create hassles if your four year old shouts out at the wrong moment "Eat shit, ya fuckin cunt!" This might sound funny but it's possible to unintentionally set your kids up with habitual patterns of behavior that create unnecessary drama -both for you and your child- that would have been a lot easier to avoid in the first place.
I've been only semi-censoring myself with swearing although I didn't really swear that much before kids. I also don't take a hard line approach to my kids swearing. If my son says "Fuck" after banging his shin I'm like whatever. If he says it while playing a game I'll remind him that's not appropriate and he needs to take a break and calm down. I'd probably only dole out punishment if he repeatedly wasn't following my rules or cursed at me.
In contrast I would've got one hell of a whooping from my dad if I let one slip. I still have the hardest time saying any swear words in front of him and I'm over 40. Conditioning your kids to fear you into adulthood is not a great strategy.
We did never held back at swearing, and the kid very quickly learned which setting demands which language level. It's moot anyways because they will learn some pretty nasty language from their peers, even in kindergarten.
edit: I'm from Europe though, sry reread the question just now.