Socialism and stability. I want to persue my passions without needing to devote half of my waking hours to a job (which all are incredibly mentally draining for me), and without fear of not having my basic needs met, and I want everyone else to have the same opportunity. A job should be supplimental if people choose to work, which many will, as they feel it gives them purpose.
A post-scarcity society and the death of corruption would be cool too.
Live in a country where I can legally marry my boyfriend, have a little nice place and not be bothered by people.
To go back to sleep for another few hours
Moving on with my life.
I'm near the end of my PhD. I've been at this lab for 5 years, as I joined before beginning my PhD, and I've been at the same university for 11ish years since I started my bachelor's. I deliver my thesis in April if all goes well, and can't wait to see what life has in store for me elsewhere.
I love most of my coworkers, but a few drive me nuts (and everyone else, too, and I tend to be a good mediator so I always end up in a position where I'm the only one who tries to help the troublesome guys). My main supervisor moved to another country a few years ago, and the one that took me in (the only other person with PhD students in the whole lab) hates my project (she has explicitly said so) and can't wait to get me to work on what everyone else is working on. Meanwhile my other supervisor (the one that moved) has recommended that I let go of the few responsibilities I had in this lab (apart from my project), which is a good decision, but has made me feel like I no longer belong here. Since I'm also retracting a bit to work on some papers, I feel increasingly isolated even though I love my coworkers.
Can't wait to finally get this over with and have an actual career in a lab where people don't hate my project, or even an industry job where I can feel like I actually make a difference. I'm also a bit fed up with the conditions in my country and would like to try moving somewhere where nanotech is actually in demand, like the Netherlands or something. Maybe I'll even risk a dramatic move to Asia!
To not have to work another day in my life. Sure I could say to be excessively wealthy but I'm happy with satisfying basic needs and living in my simple home. All I want is to be able to wake up every day without the crushing burden of having to keep a job that keeps the spectre of starvation and homelessness away for another few days.
Some freakin lotion dude my hands have alligator skin rn fr
Love. But, it takes time.
To escape this person who I was born as, and who they've become. To find some peace, some tranquility, and devote my life to that. To feel something good without the depression radiating from the background.
To have a programming job. I just got a bachelors degree for it and the job hunt is depressing.
Runner up: to know what I want. I have no idea what I want or how to proceed, except get a job.
A job and a decent earning.
Stability. Life has been so tumultuous this past year and I just want things to level out.
I would like to know how it feels to be competent at a job - any job. In my four decades on this earth I still haven't managed to find out what I want to be when I grow up. I've had many jobs over the years but never ever felt like I was decent at any of them. They're usually the kinds of jobs people don't want to do so I'm decently job-secure despite my ineptitude.
A work-life balance honestly. I've been working 12s every day this year and I'm missing out on my hobbies and my family. Financially I'm fine, but I'm gearing up for an early retirement so I don't know if I can slow down now. So hard to make time for things I actually enjoy now. Basically just want to hit that balance so I have a fulfilling life.
Achievable desire? To finally be in a stable place in my life so I can be together with the people I love, and finally have friends again. Might be bisexual, and my wife is totally open to a polyamorous relationship for me to figure that out, so tbh finding that out and maybe gaining a long term boyfriend is also high on my list of desires.
Unachievable though? I want to miraculously recover from all my disabilities and health conditions so I can finally be normal. I want to stop relying on meds to keep me from turning into a batshit crazy nutcase every time I miss even a single dose. Or at least be able to take those meds every night without issue because of my damaged throat refusing to swallow nearly anything I put in my mouth except the most miniscule pills without choking and vomiting them back up. And I want to be able to operate my muscles like a normal person again, something which my meds have thoroughly fucked with, with nothing helping in the slightest. I straight up can't even move my legs if my cat's on top of them. He weighs barely 10 lbs. Plus I get sick constantly even when nobody around me is and nobody knows why. Last month alone I got sick about 6 times. I was only feeling relatively ok for about 3 days total.
The good news, I guess, is every single one of my more achievable goals are well in sight. Just a few months ago they'd all be buried deep in with the unachievable ones, so things are improving little by little.
Things have certainly vastly improved since about 3 years ago, when I couldn't even will myself out of bed. So as whiney as I sound, I'm actually quite happy with where I am and where I'm going.
A motorcycle. A fucking Motorcycle? A motorcycle. Huh.
This is so ridiculous, never in my life before have even been remotely interested in owning or riding a motorcycle.
I don't know what's changed in the past couple of months, but I have this newfound adoration of the machinery and engineering in bikes; the minutia of deliberate and considered intent involved in their design is fascinating to me, in a way cars never have been. For the first time in my life I'm learning about vehicular construction, maintenance, and and performance; because it's finally interesting to me. They way various mechanical components work in tandem to perform what is an objectively ludicrous and exhilarating experience, in sometimes impossible terrain
Not to mention a fascination with traveling the lost highways of America; instilled in no small part from watching Mr. Noah gervais' remarkable travel videos in which his nostalgic observations about a way of life that doesn't exist anymore shines across a canvas of the most some of the most beautiful landscapes and forgotten stories hidden in plain sight by a society that is hurdling towards a dystopic privatized hellscape wherein genuine experience is abandoned for superficiality and serfdom. https://youtube.com/@broadcaststsatic
I've discovered I have a deep yearning to explore the world around me, and to journey across the horizon to all the places I haven't seen. Without barriers or filters, to step outside the artificial social constructs that dictate so much of our life decisions and see what they've painted over.
A lot of romanticized bullshit for the fastest way to die on two wheels I guess; but that's what the idea of a bike feels to me. Looking to schedule an MSF class this weekend.
Gummi bears.
Eat something healthy.
I'd like to know what to do next. I'm at a juncture in my career - my current gig is dragging me down, and I think I kinda maneuvered myself into a disadvantageous position.
Since forever, I've been a developer, sometimes leading small teams, sometimes working in committees on data interchange formats for the industry sector. Two years ago, I had the opportunity for a position as enterprise architect in a large corporation. Truth is, I still just have theoretical knowledge of what I'm supposed to be doing and feel like I'm floundering pretty bad. And corporate life is sucking out the joy in my life - so much time spent asking around what to do to adhere to process. But on the other hand, I am doing quite well financially.
Building things gives me joy - even if it's just doing a little optimization to shave off a few milliseconds off a database request. Sitting in meetings and going over spreadsheets is not joyful. It's been so long since I've been in the zone editing code. Generally, it's been about 3 years since I've been coding. I've been considering going back, but I have no idea how to spin it in interviews - and my coding skills are dead.
For my first subproject to finish coming together. It's so exciting I often can't sit still and focus on it. It's a new kind of 3d modeling tool for a virtual world platform I am working on. It's the heart of the entire project and it has given off clear signs of life. It feels like holding the detonator that will blow a hole in reality and not exactly knowing what's on the other side. It has taken endless resolve to get here.
Sleep, uninterrupted sleep.
To finally propose to my girlfriend. Bad family circumstances have stopped that as of late, but I'd like to not worry anymore about it and just move on with my damn life...
To make something of myself. I had a decent paying job that I recently quit because I felt it was a waste of my time and skills. I'm passionate and I want to learn to grow.
To tell my friend that I love her
To have enough money where i can live comfortably on the interest
To have a good manager and better support at work. It would make my job much more engaging and I'd be more productive too.
For the girl I was really into to come back so I could talk to her one last time.
Sleep
