Why don't you?

Okay, if you think that's a good idea

A belly has developed

Because body positivity doesn't exist for men.

Is Reno 911 the more recent example of this?

It's not gay enough anymore.

A beer belly

Women what’s stopping you from dressing like 80s horror movie hotties?

Because I'm currently dressed like a skateboarder from the 90's and it's so very comfortable.

High fructose corn syrup.

A lack of 80s beach babes who would enjoy this kind out outfit

Have you seen those movies and what happens to the guys dressed like that?

Try again, Freddy / Jason / Michael / motherfucker

My gross body

Because I did that in the 80s, so now I don't, to protect the public from trauma.

Mostly homophobia I would guess.

Because people don't look like they did in the 80's anymore.

Shame, mostly shame.

My dad bod. I used to wear short shorts and didn't care if my shirt rode up

Because it looks dumb af and always did?

Just like the hairstyles everyone had in the 80's. There's a reason no one really dresses like that and it's because generally everyone realized how dumb it really was.

It’s still summer, so I’m rocking my 70’s coke dealer vibe, and don’t want to put away the floral shirts just yet.

The cut-off athletic wear look is definitely a late summer/early autumn. If I can find appropriately skimpy shorts and cut offs, I’ll be all about it.

There needs to be a “Modern Himbo” store so finding clothes like these isn’t such a chore.

because straight men are terrified of appearing gay.

Survivorship bias…

Belly too fat for the cut off shirt; ass not fat enough for the cut off shorts.

I'm a twink not a hunk

I'll spare the public from having to see my hairy gut and cheeks

Too many scars.

Edit:

2 down votes.

I have real scars, I am embarrassed greatly by how they make me look, even though I could otherwise pull off this look as I am in decent shape.

Guess body shaming is still cool to do to guys.

Are you ok, comments? Check your body dysphoria, if you can, that isn't healthy.

The weather

I'm turning 30 in January, and I'm quite self concious of my belly :(

Heterosexuality.

Cause I'd look like a mustard tiger selling greasy cheeseburgers

Social contracts about decency.

A sense of dignity.

I went to a 70's themed costume party once and wore short jean shorts like that. Let's just say they only work when you wear tighty whiteys not boxers

good taste, better judgment, dignity

Bouncers would make you change

You are. I wouldn't want to make you have to look at that.

Someone's never been to a rugby game...

It's like prime Larry Byrd era NBA short shorts.

Joke's on you, kids do this now and have short longs

who says i don't?

Body shaming, mostly.

Pockets. I like pockets.

Who says I don't?

The exposed hernia belt isn't sexy.

Abs I guess

Styles have changed. That looks silly now

good taste.

Ozempic prices

Same reason women don't look like unreasonably attractive actresses?

Its to cold