My dad just died a few minutes ago, and the paramedics left a mess hidden under his bed.
My dad just died a few minutes ago, and the paramedics left a mess hidden under his bed.
My father just died in his sleep. He had passed by the time the paramedics arrived.
They still did their best, which I am very grateful for, but they even an entire trash bag full of used instruments that were stuffed under the bed for some reason
I'm glad that I found it sooner over later but it's mildly infuriating that they just discarded their medical waste under his bed.
(NSFW some blood)
I've been taking care of him for over 5 years and it's made things a lot harder for me, seeing all of that all over.
First off I’m terribly sorry for your loss. While I am by no means a paramedic I took first aid classes from one and this very subject came up (what to do with used PPE and such after an incident). We were told to just leave it pending hazmat-trained folks responding for cleanup. At a patient’s home it’s left and frankly not their responsibility - the patient alone is.
Sucks but they will indeed leave stuff behind - I wish it had been a better outcome for your family but I assure you they meant no offense or harm.
I understand and I know that they were focused elsewhere, but the trash bag was stuffed far under the bed with everything spilling out...
I reached for what I was and was, as I couldn't see, and my hand got covered in blood and other fluids.
They were here waiting on the medical examiner for over an hour, so they must have forgotten about it somehow.
Ugh that sucks. I can only guess that it was an oversight but you’re absolutely right to be bothered. As you suggest, likely a moment of “get this bag out of the way”. Still upsetting for sure.
While it was thankfully brief I also was part of end of life care for my Dad and despite the anguish I took great comfort from knowing his last hours were with loved ones nearby and in his own bed. I wish that the knowledge you were there and helped brings you solace in your grief. You were there when it mattered most. hug I wish you and your family peace.
OP, sorry. Resuscitation can be chaotic and there is a chance that the bag got pushed off to the side and then they missed it cleaning up.
That does not make it okay because it looks like their BVM is in the bag, which means that was placed their after the resuscitation. Your picture doesn’t show anything aside from the little bit of blood that isn’t just garbage, so don’t worry about how to get rid of it, just throw it in the trash. But again, sorry, I’ve never personally and I haven’t worked with anyone who would intentionally leave garbage on a scene after an attempted resuscitation, it’s a small detail that someone’s family shouldn’t have to think about in this kind of situation.
That's good to know, thank you.
I had nightmares about this bag last night so I'll be glad when it's out of my life.
Happy to help. Seriously tho, just toss it all. Even that little bit of blood isn’t significant. But don’t let this bag bother you too much it’s nothing to do with your dad it’s just the packaging for the meds they used plus probably some saline. You said in another comment that they were waiting for the medical examiner, which if that’s true then it would be illegal for them to remove anything that they had in place for the attempted resuscitation.
I’m sorry about your dad.
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
I'm sorry for your loss and very sorry you had to go through that. The fact that you can still give the paramedics credit for doing their best is admirable and shows a rational mind is in control of your emotions- but it's okay to be pissed at them for being so inconsiderate and not respecting your grief. they could and should have done better.
No, I agree. They did their best. I'm grateful for them. My main issue was that it was stuffed under the bed. I reached under it to see what it was and got covered in blood and fluids.
Woof. I’m sorry about your loss, I’m sorry you have to deal with their forgotten stuff, I’m sorry for everything you’re going to go through and have been going through.
Thank you, yeah it hard. It was so sudden. Like we just went out to eat yesterday and we got his favorite meal, steak and potato.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad passed away ten years ago from Alzheimer's and I was not there for him (and he could not recognize me). You've done a fantastic job.
My father had severed paranoid schizophrenia, so he was prone to breaking and losing all of my electrical devices. He kept thinking that the government was after him.
He escaped from my care last month and went missing, thinking that he was being chased. It was a state-wide search with a "silver alert" (it's like an amber alert for the old or disabled)
We found him in a coma about a week later about 100 miles from his house. He woke up rather quickly when they got him on his meds again, thankfully. So I moved him into my place 24/7
They released him into my care about two weeks ago, but I don't think his body could handle so much stress for so many years. They think him being afraid all the time just wore his heart down until his stopped today.
Thank you very much for the information
The thing that got me so confused over it was that it was stuffed under the bed. When my grandmother passed in Feb, they took all their trash with them.
I'm not going to put significant moral blame on the paramedics, but I wish they would have left the trash out for me at least to see.
Having to reach under the bed to see what was under there and getting my had covered in blood and other fluids seriously about made me vomit in shock alone.
I appreciate that they tried to save my father's life which is why I'm only mildly upset. I'm not wanting to "karen" them as I'm sure it was a mistake, and a weird one at that.
Caring for a family member is an incredibly hard, immersive, 24/7 experience (as you know) but then when they die suddenly and with no warning, emotionally it's like going from the fires of hell into a barren snowy tundra with ZERO transition: one second it's everything all the time, and then nothing at all.
If your entire world feels surreal right now, that's absolutely normal. And I totally understand how going through all that just to have your hand plunged into bodily fluids that are also death related would just be waaaaaay too fucking much for your brain to handle.
And it is, but only for now. You will adapt, and faster than you think.
But there's a way you can help the process. In the meantime, whenever that thought comes up (and it will, as you know) I'd like you to try a two part experiment.
The first part is to visually push it farther and farther away from you. Don't try to stop it or push it out altogether; that gives it more power. But what you CAN do is change it and make it more emotionally neutral. Right now you're remembering as though it is happening now, today, which is part of the pain, but you can change that part of it too. So when the visual comes up, as soon as you remember that it is a memory, visualize it farther away from yourself, as though you are watching yourself discover the bag from across the room. Don't try to stop it, just change the point from where you are looking at it in your mind's eye. You can also try framing it externally, as though you were watching it on a television screen, or from outside a window looking in. But whatever way works for you, place the visual away from yourself.
The second part is to match it at the same time with a thought that brings you some relief, like reminding yourself that he's not tormented anymore, or knowing that you honorably completed your filial duty, or knowing that your care allowed him to pass at home in his own bed instead of in an institution, or recognizing that it was your privilege to be the first one to care for his body when he passed and to have the honor of cleaning his last mess, for all the times you were a kid and he lovingly cleaned yours (if he did).
Obviously I'm just guessing here, but you get the idea. I'm throwing these ideas out because they are what would occur to me (I'm proud of you for all of them!) but they might not work for you. Either way, you get the gist. So you pick something that has meaning to YOU, something that elevates this memory from the place where the paramedics left it under the bed and allows your brain to incorporate it into the loving relationship you had with him. Pick such a thought now, so it's ready for you when you need it.
So the next time you remember this ugly scene, visually place it across the room, watching yourself discover the bag from a distance, and use that moment to also remember who you are to him, what you were to each other, and how that experience of finding the bag, though unpleasant, was also a deeply loving act on your part, a task that you discharged honorably and with dignity even though you didn't ask for it, and how it means that now you can both rest easy.
Do this every time you remember, for as long as the memory is upsetting. The power of it should fade rapidly, along with the deep unpleasantness of it.
Give it a shot, it should help. If you ever need to chat hit my DMs; I've been there. In the meantime I'm wishing you peace.
EDITED for clarity
Thank you very much. This is something that I really needed to hear.
I feel like I'm walking through a fog, having to do the same things I did dealing with death stuff that I had to do for my grandmother not but 3 months ago.
I will for sure do that sort of meditation and I will see if it works. I'm sure it will as it seems like a good way to hack a memory...
Thank you so much for taking the time that you did to write that out for me.
That's really unprofessional and I think that can also be dangerous (for pets and children if they get their hands on it). Also sorry for your dad.
Unacceptable
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