Grab the "2 random pills" and the "duplicate anything you own once" pill. Duplicate the "2 random pills" pill with the duplicate pill and eat both "2 random pills" pill and have 4 absolutely random abilities.
I'll take the shoebox(full of perfect diamonds, thanks xkcd!) and just for fun, the almost 10k calories of cheese for added wealth, opulence, and because I really love cheese. Some cheeses are worth hundreds of dollars a pound.
So I did the napkin math, if you pick two random pills and two random pills, there's a 19.05% chance to get something objectively bad, a 28.57% chance of getting something useless, and a 52.38% chance of getting something objectively good for a total 80.95% chance to get something not bad. Assuming infinite loops are banned and you don't have a genuine interest in a given pill, 4 random pills is the best call.
There's also a 2.27% chance of getting 2 random pills on each of those 4 tries.
Your average shoebox is 35X23.5X13.5 cm, or 11103.75 cubic centimeters. The density of gold is 19.3 g/cm^3. You can fit 11103.75X19.3 = 214302 grams of gold in a shoebox. One gram of gold right now is $77.78 US. That's 214302X77.78 = over 16.5 million US. There are things significantly more valuable (but not more fungible) than gold, too. The Pi million pill is completely moot. Or just take both, I guess.
Immune to venom and urinate gasoline. When I tell my doctor it burns when I pee, I want to mean it. Also, I figure something like that would send spiderman after me.
I'll take the strawberry flavored one because I like strawberry. Then I'll get the shoebox, and completely fill it with the pill that gives you $3,414,592.65. Then I'd throw a bunch of them in a blender and make a little smoothie that will make me a billionaire. There's probably enough pills to do that a couple of times.
I'll take two shoeboxes filled with gold. With a size of 35x25x13cm it'll be 11,375cm³ which can contain 219.77kg of gold worth €15,519,086. That's €31,038,172 for two shoeboxes. I think I'll be able to make a good early retirement on that.
My glitch: summon a Dr. Pepper can into Trump’s brain, then into Biden’s brain after 14.5 hrs, then Netanyahu’s, then Putin’s, then the evil Sudanese dudes’, then Xi Jinping’s, and so on and so forth.
If the shoebox one just magically removes stuff instead of needing real work or duplicating stuff then you could skip a lot of surgery, or just need with someone by asking for the bones in their hand or something
Can you choose where Dr. Pepper bottle is summoned? If yes, you could just summon one in the throats of Putin, Trump, and anyone else who is a threat to global peace.
Under normal circumstances, the black random pill would be completely up my alley, but not today.
With the shoebox pill, depending on shoebox size, I would give myself 5,000 $100USD bills ($500,000 total). Never said a thing about not getting money in the process, just that it has to exist.
Also, the bottom right corner 5 months experience pill. Definitely 5 months experience in charisma based manipulation (in both text and vocal form if possible) so I could get slightly ahead of others in life. Gotta work smarter, not harder sometimes.
"Change your skin color instantly any time" and "teleport to the closest beach at any time". I'll use them to rob banks. Before robbing the bank I'll change my skin color, and once I get the money I'll escape by teleporting to the beach - while changing my skin color at the same time (not to my original skin color though - that one I'll only use once I'm completely safe)
Teleport to closest beach at any time and control body temperature, i mean, if i teleport to closest beach in winter or cold weather what am i gonna do?