This is a bad post. Polyamory is NOT about sex and it's NOT a fetish.
It can work extremely well and be extremely loving if done correctly. The problem is, it's not as easy as people often think it is when trying to idealize it.
Communication is extremely important in every relationship and that only multiplies when you have more than one partner.
If you have a feeling of jealousy... Talk about it...
If you don't think your partner is spending enough time with you... Talk about it...
If you aren't enjoying sex with your partner... TALK ABOUT IT!
I've been with my fiancé for almost 4 years, my bf and I are celebrating our 1 year next month, and I have a new first date next Wednesday. My fiancé has even been with their nesting partner (who is monogamous) for 8 years now.
This all happened because we have clear ground rules and boundaries as well as active communication.
I've never felt more loved than when my fiancé helped me pick out my outfit for my first date with my bf.
I love them both so tremendously and it pisses me off when people tell me that isn't possible or that all I care about is sex.
If people want to practice polyamory I suppose that's their business. I personally have known a lot of people who turned their lives upside down to be in polyamorous relationships and they generally always fall apart over jealousy. One person always ends up feeling left out usually.
If you want that and you can make it work though then more power to you!
There is a real phenomenon where many people try polyamory before they accept that their original relationship should end, then go back to just being single or start a different monogamous relationship.
This "transitional" polyamory is often looked down on but I think it's another honest attempt to deal with the pressures and problems of expected monogamy.
Shitting on Poly people seems still fashionable.
I think I understand why people hate on them. First, cheaters in monogamous relationships. What people don't realize is that there are cheaters in Poly relationships to. It's actually a ton of extra work making sure everyone and their wishes are respected.
Second, religious fundamentalists. People think of Mormons mostly when thinking of Poly people. Misogyny, religous indoctrination, all the worst shit you can think of. Not all Poly people are religious you know.
Polyamorus people deserve marriage equality. They deserve to love the way they want.
I have nothing against practical monogamy save for this. You must free the ones you love before they can freely choose you.
It’s why insisting on lifetime guarantees of sole-possession is the worst possible way to soothe your jealousy or fear of abandonment.
If you can’t let go of that fear long enough to put someone else’s happiness first, it doesn’t matter how many oaths, contracts or incentives you use to fortify your conquest. You will never know what real trust feels like.
My opinion is fuck people like this that want you to conform to their standards of what a relationship is.
If you can have a happy and healthy relationship with someone without having sex with them? That awesome and you don't have to give a single shit what losers like the OOP think about you.
Love is not the same as sex. Heinlein said it well with "the more someone loves, the more they CAN love".
Different people can fill different needs. As long as all people involved are in agreement, then it's nobody else's business.
Mrs Grundy can take a hike off a cliff.
Wonder if the poster took the moment to consider the millions of folks out there who physically can't have sex anymore due to circumstances outside their control when they wrote this 🤔
I may have a strange definition of marriage that might come from my complete lack of religion. Churches are, after all, mostly in the business of being not okay with the subject of genitalia, which is mostly what has shaped the "institution of marriage."
I would like to have a long-term friend, a non-blood relative I have known for a long time, whose character I can vouch for, someone approximately my age, to hold my power of attorney, as my insurance beneficiary, and stuff like that, and I to them. I need not ever pork this person. I need not live in the same house as this person.
I do not consider myself polyamorous, I'm not particularly interested in swinger wife swap whatever. I tend to prefer having lots of sex with one person. But, in the modern world, partners do come and go. Job opportunities arise (or more frequently jobs evaporate and they have to go back somewhere they can more easily afford) and it's completely insane to ask someone to follow you. Or you just get tired of each other. Legally attaching onesself to your favorite person to fuck does not seem like a viable financial strategy. Look how many people it destroys every year.
Perish the thought of having children.
So, the thing that other people have, where they've picked one human to be a roommate/permanent sexual partner/insurance beneficiary/person whose allowed to shit while you're taking a shower/eventual divorcee? I don't understand wanting this for yourself.
Signed,
A bachelor
Strangely, the only poly people I seem to come across are bi-guy in relationship with woman and female-to-male trans-man. I know other polycule types exist, but for that type, to paraphrases Rick Sanchez: "That just sounds like polygamy with extra (accepting) steps."
