Fellow auties, which do you find is a better and healthier fit for you: dating another autistic person or an NT?
Fellow auties, which do you find is a better and healthier fit for you: dating another autistic person or an NT?
I'm really confused about this. On one hand (✋), I can see how dating an autistic person would be amazing because we would just understand each other on another level. We would get each other's emotions, meltdowns, joy, special interests, hyperfocus, communication style, etc. Also, there's no NT partner to miss whatever NT thing we don't bring to the relationship.
On the other hand (🤚), we definitely have some deficiencies that NTs don't. Having an NT can help us regulate, keep us updated on social matters that we completely miss, take care of a baby that's wailing crying, and other strengths that we just don't have, while at the same time, we contribute with our own strengths that they don't have.
NTs, please feel free to contribute! Your opinion and experiences are important too 🙂
I'd love to see a discussion on this topic. So what do you think?
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it does genuinely depend on the people involved. as much as ND's love to go "ugh, neurotypicals" (myself included) a lot of the stuff we rant about isn't specifically definative of NT.
in my experience, i have struggled mostly with people who could not imagine anything outside of their own personal experience, to the extent of disbelieving those other experiences exist.
i don't wish a partner like that for any autist. no matter how much they "love" you and want to "help" you. that is hell. that is death.
but a NT who acknowledges and accepts different inner experiences, and may even be curious about them, could make an amazing partner. they may not instinctively understand right away, but they will believe you. i think that's a fundamental prerequisite that a lot of NTs lack because they encounter more people who are like them than people who aren't.
like, i get when you meet 99 people who think the temperature in the room is incredibly pleasant, you might be baffled by the 1 person who is in sensory hell. but many people lack the imagination to think that person is legitimately uncomfortable, and instead think they want attention or something.
NDs are usually the odd ones out and so tend to encounter more people who are different than the same. and so it may be categorically easier to understand that people experience the world differently than us because that is kind of the main social issue we face most days our entire life.