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I simply don’t won’t to carry on without them. There is more to it but that’s most of it. All I have are boxes of aches now.
Hey there. I've been there. It's so hard and seems impossible, you're completely right. My heart aches for you.
Take some time to grieve and start to get back to a routine, slowly expose yourself to people by going to a restaurant or aquarium. Reflect on how you can feel connected to the world again, think of what brings you joy and start to do it again. Or even, what you think would bring you joy and dip your foot in it. Go for a road trip to a nearby forest or mountain or piece of nature that you haven't taken the time to visit yet. Breathe some fresh air daily. You can do this, you can move forward. You aren't leaving them behind. Some days get easier and some don't, but you can get through it.