I’m not ignoring your message – I’m overwhelmed by the tyranny of being reachable
I’m not ignoring your message – I’m overwhelmed by the tyranny of being reachable
In today’s culture, responsiveness is a proxy for care. But being in constant rotation, always logging into another version of myself? I’m tired
A friend messaged me the other day. I saw it. I didn’t reply. A week later, I finally responded with the classic: Sorry for the late reply, just got to this.
She called me out. You didn’t just get to this, she said. I saw the double ticks.
Damn. She was right. I’d opened it. I’d registered it. But I’d also shelved it. It needed a proper reply, and at that moment, I wasn’t equipped.
Maybe it got lost between revisiting pictures from 2016 and the reminder I set to cancel my Nibble app 7-day trial on day 6. Maybe I got a call? Perhaps I’d wanted to sink back into that Substack article about reclaiming attention, ironically while still on social media. Maybe I was working one of the four jobs I need to survive under capitalism’s boot heel. Maybe I was doing nothing?
Does free time now equal availability?
I get a ping from the family group chat, which doubles as an IT helpdesk for my mum. My best friend just FaceTimed me about a White Lotus episode, and another left a voice note crying about a possible diagnosis. All this, lodged between videos of cats and genocide.
The boundaries between reception and response have collapsed.
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I let everyone know:
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Text messages are for asynchronous communication. That’s literally what they’re designed for. I will not communicate over texts synchronously.
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I will respond to texts within 2 days usually. Do not expect an immediate response.
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If you need me immediately or within short order, call me.
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If you call me for non-urgent matters that could have been handled over text, I might not pick up the phone right away. The boy who cried wolf, and all that.
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I do not always have my phone on me 24/7. Sometimes I am untethered. I return calls far more quickly than I respond to texts, because I assume a call is more important than a text. It had better be.
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If you call and I don’t pick up, leave a voicemail. If you don’t leave a voicemail, I assume it wasn’t important.
Ew, calling? No thanks.
If you don’t leave a voicemail, I assume it wasn’t important.
I get asked sometimes when I don't leave a voicemail why I didn't. It's because I don't really care if you call back. I called because of something urgent, but not important. Just text me instead.
If you call and I don’t pick up, leave a voicemail. If you don’t leave a voicemail, I assume it wasn’t important
this a thousand times. IDK when people decided to not use the voicemail anymore.
But to be honest I make it more radical and not even return all calls. because. priority 1 - call, not answered but with a voicemail
priority 2 - unanswered call but a message sent afterwards.
priority 3 - message only.
an unanswered call on my side and no further information is for me simply to forget about it.
I tell people I have a 24 hour response window. Barring exceptional circumstances, I'll get back to a message within 24 hours. Often faster, but that's not guaranteed.
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