Am I an asshole for not wanting to get a job when I have enough passive income to support us both?
Am I an asshole for not wanting to get a job when I have enough passive income to support us both?
My girlfriend says she doesn't like that I don't work and don't do anything to "develop myself". I have passive income that's more than enough for us to live rather comfortably in the city I live in. I pretty much support her at the moment, as well as myself, but she says she doesn't want to get a job because I don't have one, and that annoys her that I'll be able to sit at home and do what I want or just be busy with my hobbies.
I told her that I'm not forcing her to work, and even if she does work, she would only have to work like 2 days a week, not even a lot, but she says that it would bug her that I'm just sitting at home.
I get that she has the right to want someone who has ambition, but I also have the right to just live on what I have.
I told her that I'm willing to cook and clean and do most of the house work, but she says that she can do all of that by herself.
I'm assuming this is a Nobody Is the asshole situation?
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If your passive income is rent, meaning you're a landlord, then yes you should get a real job instead.
Otherwise, this seems like a real difference in values between you two. If you feel secure now and for the foreseeable future, then it's a perfectly valid choice not to want to try and climb into a new economic class. If you're just comfortable for now, with no real retirement savings/emergency fund, then it makes sense for her to worry about the long term finances. If you can choose any route to "develop yourself" (e.g. become an artist or writer, do community organizing, do engineering projects), and the requirement is not necessarily to make more money, then I would view that as a push to get you out of complacency and distraction, which wouldn't be as bad.
I have an annuity I got from a malpractice settlement that gives me more than enough to live in the country I'm in.
She does say that it doesn't have to be a way to make money, but she wants me to "develop myself" somehow.
You should do something with your life. If that's walking dogs at the shelter for free, that's fine. That's your 'job' now. Don't let yourself rot away. Do some good somewhere.
Fair enough. I do ride my bike quite a bit and go to the gym, try to make myself better physically. I could probably find at least somewhere where I could help out.
You should do something with your life.
Counterpoint: this word "should" and this whole expectation is very toxic. There is no need to "do something with your life". If you're fine where you are now and how your life is going, then you should keep doing that. Many people want to somehow instill a yearning in you to "get more", but there must be a limit sometime right? You can't always have more? Maybe this is just your point to stop, and you should have a partner who's also fine with this and doesn't suddenly want you to change.
That's just body excercise, what about your mind?
I don't really know. I don't know what kind of things I could do besides volunteering, and that's not really that big of a thing here.
Then I don't know about being an asshole or not, but I think your gf has a point, wouldn't you agree?
I think volunteering is a great idea because it'll help you meet new interestng people while you "work" a job that matters and helps a cause you believe in. Keeps your brain active, you build community, you get something new to talk about with your gf... so many benefits :)
She does say that it doesn't have to be a way to make money, but she wants me to "develop myself" somehow.
If that’s what she really thinks, it’s cool that she’s not entirely focused on money. Part of me wants to say “if she doesn’t like the way you’re living your life, she can GTFO”, but it’s also good to avoid stagnating.
Consider taking an interesting class at a local community college.