You're viewing a single thread.
Dud. After years of having to remind, plan and remind the other half again and again, I gave up and said nothing last year. Nothing happened. Nothing happened again this year. Next up - Mother's Day, which I expect to be equally nothing, just like last year.
I can't wait for the complaints that I planned nothing for birthdays or Father's Day.
Have you talked to your SO about how that makes you feel?
I have, many times, and nothing changes, always an excuse, they forgot or were distracted by something more important. Hence why I have completely given up trying to plan anything. Like talking to a brick wall. Things only happen when I take the initiative. Special days, house repairs, appointments...
... Are you happy at least?...
Clearly not. lol
Sounds like depression. The lack of initiation, I mean
Likely either a contributing factor or a symptom.
Either way, emotional abandonment is a fix-it or GTFO thing eventually.
My dear I hope you can take a moment to reflect on how you ended up with this person and if it was for good reasons you remember that and work your way back there instead of giving up and just complaining into the void.
Resentment is a killer.
Wow I am open jaw surprised this top comment wasn't a "get divorced" comment and instead was actively constructive and empathetic.
I agree that there could be something else going on. Especially the way OP is phrasing things. Could be ADD or other issues that make these days not priority even if they do love OP. could also be that OP is feeling some sort of way and their actions make the partner not feel confident enough to do things for them like it'll be a waste. Hopefully they can find the root cause. Maybe needs a shared calendar to help remind.
I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm currently reforming myself of those same tendencies.
My excuse was and is money but, it's only that, an excuse. So I started making construction paper cards and origami flowers. It's not the flowers and restaurants they used to be but, she seems to appreciate it.
P.s. the origami lily folds refuse to sink into my smooth brain. I gotta watch the same YT vid Everytime 😞
Origami and handmade cards are very thoughtful. :)
Keep trying with the folds, one day you'll forget to check the videoguide!
P.s. the origami lily folds refuse to sink into my smooth brain. I gotta watch the same YT vid Everytime 😞
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I would think it would stick eventually, but not so far.
Never take advice from internet strangers. But it nonetheless will be given, so here goes.
Tell your partner your relationship will not last without change, and that you want to have small, short conversations with takeaway actions more regularly. My guess is that's the truth, and communication, even a little, can help tremendously when both parties engage.
Saying your relationship will fail and end bluntly will make them scared of that actually happening, because they most likely currently feel secure enough in the relationship to ignore your needs. This is common unfortunately, often born of time and repetitiveness.
Make sure they ubderstand that conversation doesn't have to he daunting (that will scare then), but simple and easy single topics at a time. The first few may be longer, but they will get shorter, and tell them that you are open to talking to someone together if they feel it is warranted or have trouble having those conversations on their own (that alone may spur them to engage).
Peppering in positive commentary or actions, like what you enjoy from them (especially what they do for you) and positive actions (like planning a weekend away or a night out) can also help take the strain out of the conversations, too.
Sorry you are going through this, mental and/or emotional dissatisfaction in a relationship is rough, but assuming you really want to work through it, it is possible to get brick walls to move.
No. I am in a relationship now and we both didn't really care that it was valentines. We played boardgames I think, I am not sure which day it was. Don't get idiotic over presents or which number in the roman calendar represents the current tilt of the planet. Live life instead.
If it sucks to be with someone, it's because you don't fit. Don't blame. Don't try to change them. Don't sink into anger. Then you're the asshole. Leave. It should be fun and feel nice to live with someone. Don't let the assholes win.
What? No to communication? Yes to just bail? Thanks for bringing the Reddit vibe.
Your situation sounds great, it is in fact similar to mine. But guess what, it's not unique, and your relationship is not better than comment OPs because you and your partner are on the same page on holidays and presents. No one is talking about changing a person, we talk about changing behavior.
They could be compatible in a thousand different ways except this one, you have no idea. And if you think your relationship is perfect without communication around the things that aren't, then either that relationship is new, or your partner isn't being honest with you.
Yes to communication, no to whatever is going on with saying they need presents on valentines. It's not my type and I have seen enough people trying to mold their partners. My alarm bells go off when you say change behavior to someone that will then be forced to give presents. Do you think they will be happy with the presents? It's so likely that it becomes childish when you know that they are guaranteed to find a new thing that irks them. When you age you will learn this.
Stop wasting your life on people that don't like you. And stop clinging to someone as if nobody else can love you. When you don't act like yourself it is impossible to see and love you for who you are. That simple.
Read the comment again. No one is talking about presents but you.
Don't change the topic, it's a very childish way to reject an argument you can't argue with because you realise you are wrong
Them:
Nothing happened
Me:
- Gives advice that has nothing to do with presents.
You:
no to whatever is going on with saying they need presents on valentines.
You just went on a tirade because you misread comments. Hope you had fun.
Thanks for clarifying your alternate version, that's not what it says if you read
Never take advice from internet strangers. But it nonetheless will be given, so here goes.
What's that, no presents in that?
Tell your partner your relationship will not last without change, and that you want to have small, short conversations with takeaway actions more regularly. My guess is that's the truth, and communication, even a little, can help tremendously when both parties engage.
Oh look, communication, but, no presents?
Saying your relationship will fail and end bluntly will make them scared of that actually happening, because they most likely currently feel secure enough in the relationship to ignore your needs. This is common unfortunately, often born of time and repetitiveness.
Oh no.. Still no presents and we're close to halfway through.
Make sure they ubderstand that conversation doesn't have to he daunting (that will scare then), but simple and easy single topics at a time. The first few may be longer, but they will get shorter, and tell them that you are open to talking to someone together if they feel it is warranted or have trouble having those conversations on their own (that alone may spur them to engage).
Oh crap, more about conversation.
Peppering in positive commentary or actions, like what you enjoy from them (especially what they do for you) and positive actions (like planning a weekend away or a night out) can also help take the strain out of the conversations, too.
Hmm, ways to make conversation more comfortable, but presents aren't it.
Sorry you are going through this, mental and/or emotional dissatisfaction in a relationship is rough, but assuming you really want to work through it, it is possible to get brick walls to move.
And affirmation.
Reading comprehension is hard, I guess.
You did not read op maybe it seems like. Very hard to get through, you must be a great communicator
Oof, I fear I become like your SO