How do I cope with my father hating me?
How do I cope with my father hating me?
My father, who convinced me (16 m) at the time to move in with him instead of my mother when they moved. All 3 of the other siblings stayed with my mother. He then kicked me out the week I turned 18, a week into my senior year. Since then he stays in touch only to speak with his grandchildren (now going on 4 kids). I have never been anything but opportunistic and positive in our interactions. Regardless he still acts like I am a burden to talk too. Am now 37, and finally getting to the point I should accept it. I'm the complete opposite with my own children and can't comprehend how someone could treat their child like this. How do I cope? It eats at me. I will answer any questions in depth if it will help in understanding the situation.
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Therapy
After reflecting from the comments, you are right. I need therapy, Thank you. I know that is easier said then done. As I work full time with kids. The comments help, so thank you to all giving me advice as I take it to heart.
Virtual therapy sessions are a big thing now. I'm sure there's added benefit to in-person sessions, but if time and life are constraints, the option is there.
I've done both and it's possible my virtual therapy sessions were an outlier but I'd strongly recommend at least starting with in-person. I just didn't find virtual anywhere near as effective as face to face with another person.
Why do you think that is? What do you feel that younger out of in-person visits that you don't get virtually?
I'm an anxious person and the thought of seeing someone like that in person stresses me the fuck out tbh
Good luck!
Well, yes it's probably a good idea but it's a pretty fucking lazy and unhelpful comment.
It's better than saying "listen to my dumbassed, drive-by, uniformed opinion on the matter". But here's mine anyway. There's no time for shit people in life, with no exception for blood. Actually, they should be held to higher standards than strangers. Bye, Grandpa!
Random people on the internet giving them advice on something that should be handled by a therapist is what is unhelpful. Sometimes people need to be told in unambiguous terms that the situation they are in is above our paygrade.
It's not unhelpful at all. This kind of stuff is exactly what therapy is for. As others have said, it'll do far more help than advice from random internet strangers.
Not everyone can afford a therapist. Even people with universal healthcare may be having problems accessing therapy.
That does not make it a lazy comment. If someone asks what to do about being hungry the correc anwser is to eat. The fact that they cannot afford to buy food does not change anything about the fundamental truth that the only way to still hunger is to eat.
OP made it clear, that this has followed him for decades. It is highly unlikely, that someone can just offer him some silver bullet advice here, that solves his problem without doing the emotional work. And doing the emotional work in such a situation is best done with a professional person that has no personal stakes in the whole situation.
If OP will not find a therapist within a month it will not get better by waiting another year on trying random advice from the internet. The sooner he looks for a therapist the sooner help becomes available.
You see, you come close to getting it in your first paragraph.
Telling someone who's hungry and can't afford food - just eat.
Don't you see how callous that is? If a friend came to you and asked to talk would you just shout "speak to a therapist"?
It's lazy because it's one word and obvious. It's callous because it makes no attempt to help the person.
The solution to hunger remains to eat. The question how to procure food is then the follow up. But OP didnt ask that. He asked how to still the hunger.
OP hasn't indicated that therapy is out of the question or unobtainable. Given that, the suggestion is still valid.
Also, when it comes to issues that are firmly in therapist territory, bad advice from online strangers can absolutely make things worse than if they didn't ask at all.
Letting someone know that this is therapy territory is at least a good indication to maybe take other comments here with a fine heap of salt
Please just stop arguing with me and accept that I'm right and you're wrong.
Thank you in advance.