Thoughts on why small talk is so uniquely painful
Thoughts on why small talk is so uniquely painful
Image text: @agnieszkasshoes: "Part of what makes small talk so utterly debilitating for many of us who are neurodivergent is that having to smile and lie in answer to questions like, "how are you?" is exhausting to do even once, and society makes us do it countless times a day."
@LuckyHarmsGG: "It's not just the lie, it's the energy it takes to suppress the impulse to answer honestly, analyze whether the other person wants the truth, realize they almost certainly don't, and then have to make the DECISION to lie, every single time. Over and over. Decision fatigue is real"
@agnieszkasshoes: "Yes! The constant calculations are utterly exhausting - and all under the pressure of knowing that if you get it "wrong" you will be judged for it!"
My addition: For me, in addition to this, more specifically it's the energy to pull up that info and analyze how I am. Like I don't know the answer to that question and that's why it's so annoying. Now I need to analyze my day, decide what parts mean what to me and weigh the average basically, and then decide if that's appropriate to share/if the person really wants to hear the truth of that, then pull up my files of pre-prepared phrases for the question that fits most closely with the truth since not answering truthfully is close to impossible for me.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvPSP-2xU4h/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
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I worked customer service for some jobs and have a system. If people ask how you’re doing, they don’t want an answer. They want you to say something corny and friendly, use the same tone and accent they do.
Haha yeah in retail interactions I don't even answer, I just reply with "how are you" it always makes me laugh how absurd social etiquette can be
"Hi how are you?" "😌 How are you?"
😂¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I've work in customer service too, but luckily in a different culture. Here it is just
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Heisann!
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Hei, [what the customer wants help with]
I tend to forget when I'm visiting other cultures. A bartender in New Orleans, US got pretty upset with me when I just started to look at the menu and order, not do the whole "how are you" thingy
Lucky you! It was a good skill for me to learn though, I still use my customer service persona when I have to talk on the phone or in person with strangers.
I have many a time reflected on how thankful i am for this, it's to the point that my autism just tends to manifest as being the perfect customer which helps me A LOT with feeling like i belong.
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