"I hit and abused you because i was overwhealmed because of you"
She never outright said as much but I always assumed my mother did the same for similar reasons (considering me and all my siblings have anxiety and depression, I suspect poorly self-medicating, on her end, but I'm not one to armchair diagnose); there was just too much…vigor in the punishment for me to think it was proper formation that was at the forefront of her mind.