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The joke is that not everything (or almost nothing) that gets reported can be viewed from a lens of "objective truth". Your examples wouldn't be able to give me information of a statement that someone did, or if something happened... anywhere.
Those were just examples, I wasn't trying to limit the scope, hence the "etc. etc." bit at the end. My point was to verify for yourself. Statements and events can be verified in their own ways. Such as video footage or the minutes recorded during government hearings.
That still only covers a tiny fraction of what is reported. Objectivity in the real world is an illusion.
you objectively die from lava
Yeah, but the real world usually revolves around more complicated questions than "do you die from lava?"
yes