2y ago

'It's quite soul-destroying': how we fell out of love with dating apps

www.theguardian.com

‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps

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2y ago

‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps

www.theguardian.com /lifeandstyle/2023/oct/28/its-quite-soul-destroying-how-we-fell-out-of-love-with-dating-apps

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2y ago

'It's quite soul-destroying': how we fell out of love with dating apps

www.theguardian.com /lifeandstyle/2023/oct/28/its-quite-soul-destroying-how-we-fell-out-of-love-with-dating-apps

4 comments

The biggest issue is that enshittification has rendered nearly all dating apps 100% identical. And thus they share the same flaw and vibe for users.
Swipe right, like, super like, subscribe. Go premium to bypass Daily limits, etc.
It is no coincidence that match group owns nearly all major dating apps and platforms besides bumble. So they all switch to this monetization once purchased. Quick or slow, always.
10 years ago. OkCupid was an app that centered on using long quizzes with somewhat curated questions to see what your likes and dislikes and sexual kinks were and pair you up with someone while sharing info only when both of you had answered the same questions. The quizzes were the forefront alongside the score. Photos were important, but not essential per se.
But now, like every app, it has a swipe section where you quickly judge based on hot or not metric and move on. Which 30 other apps already do. And this is true for dozens of dating apps that Match Group purchased while they were still on the rise. Many still exists, as an afterthought. Because that was the goal. Keep them an afterthought.
- This is spot on. The article misses the mark by blaming it on a generational shift, but it really is enshitification and the pursuit of profit over people.
  It used to be common to attend weddings where the couple met online. We have several friends and relatives that met on Match years ago and who are still happily married.
  Now I hear from friends that dating apps are god-awful if you're looking for a meaningful relationship with someone. These apps exist only to appease their shareholders by squeezing money out of people.
This is the best summary I could come up with:
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“I’m always in a state of flux.” Lacey’s approach might not suit everyone looking for love, but she is one of a growing number of people rejecting swiping on a screen and taking their dating lives offline.
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Many say the apps feel like work and there is a genuine sense of burnout as people struggle to commit to what is essentially hours of admin a week alongside their day jobs and other responsibilities.
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“You really have to set some standards – people can be so keen to help that they tend to overestimate how good-looking or interesting their mates are, or they try to suggest the only single person they know, no matter how unsuitable – but it has worked quite well.
(tldr: 6 sentences skipped)
The benefit of meeting someone vouched for is also driving Clare, 38, from Bath, to explore her options, after having signed up to numerous dating apps over the years, only to quit after a few months each time.
(tldr: 7 sentences skipped)
She has done slow dating at Shambala festival, with an emphasis on doing exercises that could help to make emotional connections, including questions like, “What are you most proud of in your life?” and “What’s the biggest challenge you’ve overcome?”
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“You have the opportunity to meet heaps of other cute, single people in real life with no stuffy or awkward first-date vibes because if you don’t click with someone, you can just excuse yourself and chat with someone else,” she says.
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The original article contains 2,349 words, the summary contains 269 words. Saved 89%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!
I started using this new dating app recently. It's very easy to use. I works in a somewhat unconventional way. You keep your smartphone in your pocket and try to be aware of your surroundings. And then from time to time, you just see a woman having a bit of downtime, and you just go there and talk to her. Instead of writing a witty profile you have to instead come up with a witty excuse to initiate the conversation.
The downside is that it is more sporadic, so you might often get the perfect opportunity at the wrong moment. The upside is that the match rate is 100% and the follow up is also quite high.