Stop talking to me!

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Tech enthusiasts; "I have my entire house hooked up as a smart home, with automation, remote controlled lights, presence detection..."
Tech workers; "That's my printer, I keep a loaded gun next to it in case it makes a sound I don't like"
- The engineer who designed the printer: "I keep a C4 charge strapped to it with a non-networked, mechanical, dead-man switch.
- Why would someone that works with tech want to own a 2d printer?
  
  Portable rage room, a la Office Space
  
  Printing return labels mostly.
  Occasionally, I will travel with hardcopy for travel itinerary, reservation info, flight info, and the occasional QR code to interface with various services and kiosks along the way. Reason being: sometimes, I'm in a busy place and I'm simply not getting to an outlet to feed a hungry phone. Plus, apps are aggressively networked these days (no offline data) so losing access to information due to spotty cell or wifi reception is a stupid problem to have, especially when paper is such a reliable workaround.
  Also, a hard-copy backup for tax filings and other important transactions is cheap insurance.
  I'll add that I'm currently using a 15-year-old HP laser printer that's on its second toner cartridge. An inkjet would have clogged and sent to e-waste about five times over by now. So it's hardly an inconvenience.
  
  Keeping the gun at the ready kinda implies they don't want to own that piece of crap.
- I work in Infosec and my house is full of smart devices.
  But they live in their own vlan and can only talk to my home assistant server.
I think that's cruel. Besides: how do you keep the bats from flying away?
- It is cruel, but after you hit one appliance with a bat, it tends to get a lot less flighty.
The obvious solution is to make a smart bat that refuses to hit any smart appliances
- In that case I will go into the forest and find a nice thick branch and use it to smash the smart bat.
  
  Make smart clouds that start raining lava if anyone takes a branch on the ground
The only good toaster/clanker is a dead one.
Anyone else spend too much time trying to see if that background was a magic-eye?
- There needs to be repeating patterns for a magic eye to work. Then that pattern is adjusted to create the 3d image when you "mix up" the part of the pattern each eye is looking at.

18 comments