1w ago

i'm scared for our future

so i (f) recently got into a talking stage with "isla" (nb) and we kinda have a "slow burn" type thing going on. i'm lowkey scared because they really do wanna decide if we should be friends or be in a relationship. i really like them and want a relationship with someone and also don't want to rush. last time i rushed, things went badly and ended in a few months.

i'm scared, though, they will decide i'm a better friend than a gf, though there are some good signs like them at least having feelings for me.

i know we'll still get to chat if they decide we should just be friends but i guess i'm just scared for whatever reason. i don't mean to be panicky, i guess i'd just like to have someone who's more than a friend.

4 comments

Hello, I'm sorry you are going through these feelings and I know it feels scary. I'd just like to say that it's very important for your mental health to understand your happiness doesn't depend on a single person. Remind yourself that even if they choose just to be friends, you will be okay. Hope this helps.
- thank you so much :D this helped. i will be ok.
Growlers: Try Hard Fool
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=QFTmEfWyzvY
Heres a song i listen to when im feeling anxious.
Putting too much thought and energy into these things can often backfire. Dont stop pushing the issue enrirely because if you arent comfortable at arms length, thats a discussion you need to have with isla for sure. But isla also needs (probably alot) time to figure out how they feel. its up to you to determine if its worth waiting and if isla actually intends to follow through.
My advice is based on experience in traditional relationships, I admittedly have no clue how the whole non-binary relationship shit works so I apologize if this doesnt help.
The only relationships that last are between two people who are best friends.
Dont try to predict potential relationships based on individual past relationships because every person will react differently. (I see the irony of giving my advice based on my past relationships but really im providing generalizations from decades of my relationships and people in relationships who are close to me)
Worry less about where something is going with someone and spend more time enjoying what you have in the moment.