You really are

Pretty sure im not doing the best i can.

But I feel like my "best" is not nearly good enough. It's not other people hounding me, it's myself. I'm my own abuser. I hold myself to standards I wouldn't demand from anyone else. I don't even know where I got this from, my parents were slightly fucked but not abusive per se.

There's still so much time but I'm already stressing myself out with planing my move to Straya... I just wanna be prepared as best as possible but I don't really know how so I'm constantly feeling like I'm not doing enough for it (undoubtedly blaming myself if something goes wrong down the road).