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There's a part of me that really wants something to take over my body or replace myself with an entirely different person who does all of the things I struggle with. Even if it wasn't a person, if it did work and made my family and friends proud then I could stop struggling.
if it did work and made my family and friends proud then I could stop struggling.
Why can't they be proud that you are happy? Why do you need them to be proud of you? It sounds like they are projecting their desires/dreams on to you. You could be honest with them and tell them you aren't happy trying to make them proud the way they want. You want them to be proud of you for being you. Or you could ghost your family and friends who sound like they want you to be someone you don't want to be.
Oof.
I feel this all to well.
I highly recommend reading https://www.strugglecare.com/book .
It's not self-help. It's not going to "fix" you.
But reading it was some of the best therapy I've ever received. If you're at all like me, maybe it will help you too. I am happier, as are the people I love and who love me, in large part because of K.C. Davis' philosophy. (The people I love and who love me are also very empathetic and understanding, which I know is definitely not true for most people unfortunately).
It's less than $20.
It's short.
Buy it. If you can't afford it, I might even be willing to buy it for you / venmo you $20 to get it.
Also available in your library / Libby.
Also available as an audiobook.