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I wonder why I do that sometimes...What's the mechanism in my head?
Literally just self harm.
I know some people do it because they see even hurtful content as reaffirming. Some people do it as like a "call of the void" thing.
I think it's like...A rush? I don't even know.
I sometimes like seeing people say hateful things about groups I'm a part of or directly to me (online) because I think its funny how ridiculous some people are. Granted, its missing the "certain to make me feel bad" part.
Maybe trying to better understand or keep tabs on the enemy? ‘Enemy’ may be an imperfect word to describe such people but I also don’t think it’s necessarily wrong.
Imposter syndrome
I sometimes check in on what my horrible abusive mother is doing. She recently started spreading transphobic bullshit too. Like BS from Peterson and whatnot.
Baffling to think she raised me.
Anyway. What I mean to say is, sometimes we punish ourselves. We should probably stop that.